The Choices We Make
by WaywardWinchesterWarrior
Summary: Dean and Cas are dead, the angels and demons were dwindling in numbers as they failed to stop the Leviathans from eating everything in its path. Chaos, Death, and Destruction. Chuck offered a choice to Sam, to fix everything and unify what could have been one of the greatest forces under his ruling but at a price of something Sam is sure to hate when he wakes up to restart his life
1. Chapter 1

_Throw your soul through every open door_  
 _Count your blessings to find what you look for_  
 _Turned my sorrow into treasured gold_  
 _You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow_ _**\- Rolling in the Deep by Adele**_

* * *

 _Dum... Dum... Da... Dum..._

 _Dum... Dum... Da... Dum..._

 _Dum... Dum... Da... Dum..._

Saving People. Hunting Things... The Family Business

Three things that stuck in Sam's mind ever since Dean came to him that irony became the beginning of the end for both of them and how they both played into Azazel's plan, how they caused such massive rift between reality and fantasy, how the fragile trust hardened with every experience and how it easily broke with hidden truths and intricated spider webbed lies that nearly killed the both of them.

They promised that it would stop but they kidded themselves, they couldn't stop because they have different perspectives on the truth with one vehemently denying it and the other hiding it for protection.

It was antagonizing for both of them.

But now laid before him, lies the dead body of his brother and the angel who sacrificed even his own place in Heaven for two absolutely reckless brothers who failed to stop the enemy, he managed to get them out but that didn't stop how Dean and Cas were infected with the disease and slowly dying then came to the short breaths before they took their last breath. He had to stop the Impala at some sort of clearing to deny the fate which came to both his brother and best friend but the truth was staring at him in the face, bloody and torn.

He wanted to cry, he wanted to shout at anyone for this.

Everyone around him had the tendency to die either from direct contact or connection...

His Mom, Jesse, his Dad, Madison, Ava, Andy, Jake, Anna, Hannah, Gabriel, Crowley, Cas, Dean and so many more. For a long time, he thought he just had a long run of bad luck but no, his mind had stuck with the fact that he was just cursed.

"Sam..." He numbly looked up seeing the sorrowed look of Chuck Shurley who was also God. "Tell me... am I really that bad _that_ everyone around me tends to die? So bad that I don't deserve just the simplest things in life, such family? Tell me, Chuck..." It hurts so bad, the cold sensation and the hot thrusting knife of anger and pent-up frustrations of his life that decided to mix in a nice bowl of fucked up shenanigans.

Chuck knew that Sam sacrificed a lot and tend to take less and give more. "No Sam... Fate and Destiny just have other plans for you." Clenching his fists hard that drew blood. "Plans? What fucking plans, Chuck?! Everyone around me is dead! The world is in chaos and it started the day I fucked things up by killing Lilith, by going away! _I_ started this fucking mess! It's always me that fucks things up, never Dean or someone else, just me, the great fucked up mess that is called Sam fucking Winchester." It was painful seeing the soft-natured giant to loathe himself, to see himself as nothing more than scum.

To see himself as something so abominable that not even demons would dare step on his grave.

"If you had the choice, Sam... Would you fix all of it?" Chuck asked while Sam took a breather from his outbreak. "In a heartbeat, I would even kill my baby-self just so none of this would happen." He said numbly sinking to the ground where dirt and blood mixed from his wounds. "You would do that? You would kill yourself and cause grievance to your brother who's looking forward to having a sibling to watch over, to the Mother who nearly died on the table giving birth to her second and to the Father who risked going to Hell and back for his children, every choice we make has a corresponding action, Sam." He replied gravelly while Sam just covered his face with his bloodied and bruised hands.

"I don't know, Chuck, please tell me what I can do without evidently fucking things up?" Chuck put a hand on Sam's head then at the bodies at the backseat of the car.

"We can start by giving Dean and Castiel a proper hunter's funeral..."

It was painful.

Years ago he would've argued with any hunter that he would most likely choose to bury his brother than cremate him but now with the things that had happened, he just can't risk his brother and friend from rising up, it's time to give them the peace that they deserve and as Chuck handed him the lighter, he said goodbye to them and hoped that whatever Chuck was planning he didn't have to see anyone he loves dying all over again.

* * *

"Are you ready, Sam?" He asked the hunter, who just nodded. "I'm going to warn you, things will be different and remember that every choice you make will affect the future." _No pressure._ "If you have questions, you better ask it now." He added while Sam frowned a bit. "Will I remember everything that transpired?" He asked while Chuck sighed. "If you wish then I will make sure you do but Sam, remember that it's alright to live a little." Knowing if Sam pushes anyone away it would serve as a consequence so it's good to warn the guy that isolating himself or running away won't do him good.

"Can I ask a favor?" Knowing what the guy has been through, Chuck cut him some slack and nodded. "Can you transport every weapon, book, and artifact related to everything that happened here to a safe house that's warded from both angels and demons?" It was a big risk but knowing it's going to be for the greater good, he nodded. "To the Men of Letters bunker or another place?" Sam thought that the bunker would be a good choice but knowing how dangerous it could also be, the place itself is a liability.

"It's risky with the wards slightly off and the neighborhood..." He replied and Chuck sighed knowing full well what Abaddon did as well as the numerous body counts.

"There's a safe house that I have down in Tennessee, it's behind Cummins Falls... The water itself has been blessed thus no demons in their right minds would take a dip and it has protection wards on several stones and on the ground, finding it would be difficult with running water and avoiding suspicion from the public." Sam appreciated it and took a deep breath...

"Keep an open mind when you wake up and good luck, Sam."

Then everything was out like a light.


	2. Chapter 2

_"No thank you" is what I should've said, I should be in bed_  
 _But temptations of trouble on my tongue, troubles yet to come_ _One sip, bad for me_  
 _One hit, bad for me_  
 _One kiss, bad for me_  
 _But I give in so easily_  
 _And no thank you is how it should've gone_  
 _I should stay strong_ _But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?_  
 _Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that_  
 _I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?_  
 _Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that_  
 _I'm weak_

\- _**Weak by AJR**_

* * *

When Sam opened his eyes to the world, it was bright and smelled of disinfectants but then again that's what he'd expect when he woke up, his first indication was the smell and when he opened or at least tried to open his eyes, it was very bright...

He was in a plastic crib of sorts but that wasn't what bothered him...

It was the fact that he seemed to be missing an organ that was supposed to be situated in the middle.

"Mr. Winchester, your daughter is perfectly healthy and surprisingly awake..." _Daughter._ Double crap. Not that he... or should he say she, has a problem with the opposite sex but the fact that the opposite sex tends to die around him much more frequently than males. "Her eyes are very luminescent in the shade, perfectly healthy..." She stared at her Father, he looked younger and happier than the one she grew up with, he wasn't shadowed with regret or filled with revenge.

"She's beautiful..." He came near but stayed at a respectful distance so when the nurse came and picked her up and handed her into her Father's arms. It felt safe and comforting, she snuggled as any newborn baby could. "She seems to recognize her sire, what a smart girl." The nurse commented while inwardly Sam was had an exasperated sighed, the nurse had no idea that she wasn't just an ordinary gullible baby.

"Hey Sammy-girl, welcome to the family." He cooed as any hardened ex-Marine could. "Is it alright to bring her to the viewing room? My son has been dying to see her." She whimpered at the word dying and both the nurse and John were worried if it stressed the newborn but it wasn't that, they didn't know that she was a thirty-five-year-old man who experienced hell and back then lost everything in a heartbeat.

They were in front of a large bay-like window covered by an automatically drawn blind, as the nurse draw it open, she stared at the kid who would be the one to raise her and ground her when things get rough...

"Sammy, say _hi_ to your brother, Dean..." Dean was leaning on the glass and had this awed look as John brought them closer to let his son see his newborn sister...

She didn't care if she displayed intelligent actions at an early age because she missed her brother dearly, she put a hand on the glass and smiled as she could when she saw Dean, she didn't hear the amazed words the nurse and John exchanged seeing a baby barely into the world putting her hand on the glass and smiling. "I'm pretty sure your kids won't have a problem getting along, Mr. Winchester..." She said in awe but unfortunately, the moment had to end when Sam yawned and John had to say a temporary goodbye.

But Sam wasn't done with her miracles.

She gripped or at least tried to grip her Father's outstretched finger and systematically tapped... _I love you..._

The shock on her Father's face or the glistening tears at the corner of his eyes made her heart ease, once upon a lifetime she disappointed him by leaving them to pursue a selfish goal that ended in tragedy but now, she'll do whatever it takes to glue her family by being the daughter and hunter she was meant to be, she'll train and she'll ensure that she won't go down without fighting the demons and angels coming her way.

"I'm pretty tempted to steal my daughter and bring her up to my wife." The raw emotion in John's voice made the nurse muse. "I'm telling you right now, Mr. Winchester, you're not the first nor are you the last Father that wants to drag their little girl back into a safe room with their wife and a shotgun waiting." John had to laugh at the truth and Sam had to inwardly groan with the fading thought that in this lifetime...

Dating may not be an option with a family full of hunters.

* * *

When John exited the nursery from where Sammy is kept and he got hugged by his excited son. "Sammy recognized me, Dad!" John was happy seeing how glad his son was seeing his little sister. "You listen to me, Dean..." John squatted to keep an eye-to-eye contact with his son. "Our little Sammy is a special one and since your the big brother, you gotta take care of her, alright?"

"You can count me, I'll protect Sammy with my life!"

* * *

In the first lifetime, she didn't appreciate the beauty of having a house to live in or how home-y it felt but the difference between before and now is that she isn't some babbling defenseless baby but she's a smart babbling defense-ish baby with the knowledge of her past life, she'll try to ensure to avoid casualties...

Chuck won't be much help.

"Good night, Sammy." She heard Dean whisper and then kissed her forehead along with Mary while John rocked her gently, it was comforting and lovely that it made her inwardly since she'll lose everyone for the second time especially her Mom to Azazel then the whole demon blood thing, the mistrust... She can't handle this alone and she can't tell anyone...

Dad cannot die.

She knew he made a deal with Azazel for Dean's life then Dean to her when Jake took hers then the cycle of sacrifice started as did the mistrust, betrayal and inevitable deaths of loved ones that tore them apart, it was pure will that drove them to fix the wedge between so that they could overcome the problem only to have the problem come back and kill them.

It was a cycle that Sam hated with a burning passion.

There are factors and things that could've helped them but they were both blinded by prejudice, obsession and a drive that was very unhealthy for both of them but they didn't stop until it consumed them...

Awfully morbid thoughts for a baby but she wasn't just a baby...

She's gonna be smart this time, she'll keep an open mind and most importantly... Kill those who needed to be killed.

* * *

For once in her life, she felt happy, she felt like she belonged and most importantly, she forged this bond with her Dad that she didn't have in the first life. Seeing Dean innocent and unaware of the things that go bump in the night was a sight, her brother's smile could light up the entire room and he had this air of confidence that made her thought that he is truly Michael's vessel.

This was them before man was created, Michael and Lucifer.

It was a recurring thought that Sam had even before God sent her back, it was that on the sixth day that God created both humans and animals... The sixth day also meant that he ordered his Angels to bow to the humans, Lucifer rebelled and was banished... It was also on the sixth month that special children were created and the fire burned at least their homes or beloved ones.

Three sixes, the unholy number and the fire that burns and leaves ashes in its wake.

* * *

She wasn't ready to let go of this but she knew it had to happen, Mary's death is needed for them to enter the Hunter lifestyle but the words that Dean told her once upon a time... _You can't save everyone, Sammy_...

"Goodnight, love."

Azazel leaned into her crib and stroked her cheek. "Hello there, Sammy... How fine you are, my Father will be pleased that you grew well since he has plans for you, lovely Hell Queen." He whispered and dripped the blood unto lips but for Sam, it was like tasting poison all-over again...

She cried.

Mary came, sliced and strung up on the ceiling then John came and saw Sammy crying, red drops in her crib then he looked up seeing his wife's dead body. He screamed and the roaring fires engulfed the entire nursery along with their Mother's corpse, Dean carrying her, her Father holding them tight as they watched the house burn while neighbors did nothing but stare and offer their condolences. It was heartwrenching scene but it has to be done.

Sam really hated playing the observer.


	3. Chapter 3

_We used to have a light_  
 _Now it's too dark to shine_  
 _Now we're just passing by_  
 _Two shipwrecks in the night_

 _Remember when we met? Yeah, I know I was mean_  
 _Stones shirt, black boots and black jeans_  
 _And you were such a mess_  
 _I thought it was sweet_  
 _But that night still haunts my dreams_

 _\- Chasing Ghosts by Against The Current_

* * *

It was honestly antagonizing her nerves when Dean and John decided that she was going to be scared of the things that go bump in the night, the two Winchester men would go off and hunt so that leaves her with Bobby, who shared her enthusiastic glee when those idiots would make the ridiculous excuses to hide their wounds but she didn't push them or force any answers like she did before, she bided her time.

"Hey Uncle Bobby, do they know that I'm not exactly stupid nor am I blind, deaf or mute about the things that are happening?" The thirteen-year-old asked the older hunter, who groaned. "I don't know what's going through those idjits mind when they go to this lifestyle and act like a know-it-all fucker." He replied while Sam sighed then put aside her homework. "Done already?" He asked while she nodded.

"It's just an easy essay, Uncle Bobby unlike the rest of my testosterone family members, I use my brains instead of my brawns." Bobby chuckled and handed her a beer in which she accepted. "You didn't hand me a beer, it's juice, Dean and Dad aren't hunting a werewolf pack in Connecticut, they're being men and I certainly don't know about the hunter lifestyle, I'm your average ordinary preteen going through puberty and middle school living with my Uncle." She said while Bobby patted her head.

 _'And I'm also 'not' a time traveler that came to fix everything.'_ She mentally added and continued on reading about the Scandinavian folktales that seemed to be highly active down in a town in the middle of nowhere. "How about we go out?" Bobby suggested while Sam looked genuinely curious. "Where to?" She asked then Bobby ushered her outside but made sure she took at least a swiss knife, a jacket and her pocket money.

"A friend of mine."

Turns out the friend was Ellen and Jo Harvelle in which Sam was delighted to see since... Well, it didn't end well on their part. "Wow, you're tall," Jo commented while Sam gave a sheepish smile. "My Dad is around six foot two while my older brother seems to reach six-foot tallness soon." She replied with a shy smile, Jo nodded and gave an outstretched hand.

"I'm Jo Harvelle, nice to meet you." Sam grinned and shook Jo's hand. "I'm Sam Winchester, nice to meet you too."

Ellen and Bobby were observing that the two girls were talking quite nicely. "You planned this, didn't you?" She asked the older hunter who was drinking his beer. "Not my fault those two idjits decided to ditch Sam if they knew that she has an eidetic memory." He muttered only for Ellen to hear and she had a surprised look on her face. "How did you find out?" And Bobby explained that he purposely left an exorcism book on the table because he had a hunch about Sam's rapid knowledge.

And he quizzed her.

She passed without a flaw.

"She knows but she's acting ignorant for the sake of her Father and Brother's sake?" She asked dryly while Bobby snorted but nodded. "They can't keep Sam out of the dark, she figured it out all on her own before she asked me, I know it wasn't my place to say but I'm not gonna let the girl die out of the sheer macho bravado her Dad and Brother are doing of keeping her ignorant... If they knew-" He stopped his rant while Ellen passed him another drink.

"If they knew what, Bobby?" She asked while the male hunter ran a hand over his face.

"That Sam knows everything that happened... The night in her nursery... The demon that paid her a visit and told her that he has plans for her."

Ellen swore and felt worried for the brunette girl with bright green eyes. "She seems like a good girl, Bobby... why her?"

* * *

She made a friend.

It worried her because people had the tendency to die when they're connected to her and as she tried to stop being morbid, she just can't especially when it's happening for the second time. "You alright, Sam?" Jo asked her as they sat in one of the empty booths. "To be honest, Jo... I don't know." She replied and ran a hand through her long tresses in which Jo commented were nice.

If you asked her, she never took time to look in the mirror and see how much she's a head turner.

"So what middle school are you attending?" Jo asked while Sam told her she got a scholarship at some school near Bobby's place in South Dakota. "I wish I could go where you're attending Jo, the girls at my school are these cliché mean girls, it's annoying and stupid," Sam said with clear disdain in her tone remembering those girls made her eye twitch while Jo was silent. "Uh... Sam, after sixth grade I quit and started helping my Mom out, not the idle thing to do..." She replied while Sam mentally kicked herself since she forgot Jo was the same as Dean. "Sorry about my insensitivity Jo... I just wanted to help out my family... If or when I finish my education and get my diploma in college, start my career, I could help out and make things easier for them." She blushed knowing that a lifetime ago, she did it for herself but now, it was different.

"School's expensive, keeping the roadhouse itself is hard with those loan sharks and shitty real estate trying to run this place down. I don't want to see my Mom struggling." It was a very noble act but Sam knew Jo was a tougher cookie to crack. "Have you tried applying for student scholarship? If you maintain a grade higher than above average to excellent, you get it free while they give you an allowance. Heck, I've been doing that so it could save money." John didn't like that Sam had the earlier independence going on but the reason was to save money and that the allowance could be her pocket money so, in case of emergency, she could use it.

Sam's relationship with her Dad is a bit better than it was before, she didn't question them much and helped around when needed to and comforted them when they look like they're gonna break, she trying her best to be the glue and it somewhat paid off but the one thing that stuck in her Dad's mind is that the hunter life isn't for her which was something bad.

"I'll think about it"

* * *

She and Bobby had to, unfortunately, leave early since it's going to be a three-hour drive and every hunter knows that driving at night is very deadly with ghosts or creatures lurking and they didn't have much equipment to kill. "So... I overheard that Jo wants to study again, you got nothing to do with that, right?" Bobby's tone was light and almost thankful since even with him, Jo didn't crack.

"Absolutely not, I just told her that there's nothing wrong with a student scholarship that gives a three hundred or so dollars and added benefits depending on the scholarship applied or the school that dictates the requirements." She quipped and had an innocent smile and her seafoam eyes shining mischievously that Bobby chuckled. "Well, Ellen is very grateful, thanks, Sam."

She just smiled.

Hopefully, Jo will be too occupied to even think about hunting and have a better life, for both Ellen and herself.

When they got home, they saw the Impala parked in the driveway. "Crap!" Thankfully, she was prepared for it and nudged Bobby at the grocery in the backseat and he nodded. "Remind me that I owe you a couple of favors." He muttered and gave her head pat then parked next to the classic car. To say her Father was worried was an understatement, he was upset and worried which meant paranoia on high alert.

Dean met them halfway.

"Sammy! Bobby! Where have you guys been?" Dean asked and helped Sam with the grocery bags. "Welcome bag, Dean and Uncle Bobby and I just went out to get some more groceries but on the way back a friend of his called and they met up since it was kind of an emergency while I headed to get a few books." She replied calmly and loud enough for John to hear and ease up.

"Sorry about worrying, Sammy, you know we get worried when you don't answer your phone." She slightly flinched and apologized for the lack of awareness since everyone that knew her that she tends to ignore the world around her if she had a book that interests her. "Sorry, Dad but you know me and books." He knew and ruffled her hair...

They had a nice home cooked meal courtesy of Sam and Bobby. "Are you guys alright, no injuries from bar fights or angry spouses or exes?" She asked and gave this look that just melted their hearts since it was adorable, innocent and puppyish. The puppy-dog look was their undoing, Bobby had to stop a snort from escaping on how Sam got the two males wrap under her fingers. "Nah Sammy, no worries just a trail of broken hearts," Dean replied while John assured her that they were perfectly fine.

"Be careful with your conquests, Dean... I really don't want to be a young Aunt." She replied and the mischief in her eyes was something that John had to laugh about since that's the look that Mary would give him when they would banter. "As if, Sammy... How's school, do I have to beat anyone up?" John and Dean both agreed that Sam will not date anyone, she was too precious and the last thing they need is that their little angel crying over a boy who doesn't deserve her affections.

"Passed the tests and did you know that they have an Occult club there? Apparently, they have a strict membership and they stick with facts and folklores depending on the area, they even have a list of colleges that offer Mythology and Occultism as a major." She said rather happily while the Winchester men grew slightly baffled, uncomfortable at the same time intrigued.

Bobby was trying his damn hardest not to laugh now.

"I thought you wanted to be a lawyer, Sammy?" John asked the girl a bit hastily while Dean gave his Dad perturbed look. "I wanted to but can you really handle me going to college, living in a dorm with some stranger?" She asked while John was a bit thin-lipped about that one, he didn't want Sam to leave but he didn't want her to enter into this life of a hunter because it will ruin whatever innocence she had left. "It's your future Sammy even if I hate that you'll go, you're our Ms. Smarty Pants," Dean added but Sam knew something was off when Dean twitched and thought he sent a subtle look at their Father.

Later that night...

Sam laid restlessly on the mattress and staring at the ceiling that inconspicuously had a Devil's Trap and protection runes, she can hear both her Father and Dean arguing on telling her about being a hunter... 

_"Dad for the last time, we have to tell Sammy. What if one of these days that Yellow-Eyes son of a bitch comes back and she doesn't know how to defend herself?"_

 _"I won't let that damn thing anywhere near her or you, Dean. Your sister is innocent, do you really want to plague her with the nightmares we both have every day after every hunt?"_

 _"How you two idjits get your heads of those asses of yours and let Sam decide whether she wants to be a hunter or not, do you two have any idea that the more you hide it from her the more this thing is gonna be aggressively searching for her with the ways you two are trying to be a hero, it's not fucking working since the only damage you're doing is playing with Sam's trust... Do you have any idea what she's going through right now?"_

 _"Besides puberty, what's the matter with Sammy, Bobby?"_

 _"She told me that she keeps having nightmares about a yellow-eyed man standing over her and a woman strung up in the ceiling, bleeding and then fire."_

Sam had to applaud Bobby for his ingenious wording about it, she didn't have a nightmare though... It was a guilt-ridden memory that she wished she could forget but that would be impossible, Chuck really did give her an eidetic gift which was both a blessing and a curse because she wanted to easily forget some of those memories especially the ones where Dean and Cas are dying in the backseat of the Impala.

She sighed deeply, it was troubling to have a gift that never lets you forget your mistakes or the list of names that died because they knew you or the number of times your brother died, the ways you've let him down...

Sam laid at her side and curled up, it was so hard not cry so they wouldn't hear... Every day, she was haunted by the voices of the people who've died because of her or because they know her... It hurts, it twisted and pulled her in the inside because she's going to play the villain on the outside just so she could protect them, she's going to break the fragile trust and it hurts.

Because it's not only Dean who she's going to betray.

"Sammy? Sammy! Wake up!" She already awake, she wasn't aware that she crying. "...D-dean?" She croaked and two burly arms wrapped around her, her head was on his chest. "It's just a dream, Sammy..." He mumbled and she turned around so she could bury her face unto his chest. "Dean... I-I'm sorry..." She whispered and he held her closer, his chin on her head. "Hey now, no matter what happens, I'm here... I'm here, Sammy... You know I can't stand women crying especially if it's my own sister." She inhaled his musky scent and heard his heartbeat.

"...Because at times when you comfort women, it ends up in sex?" She joked while Dean pulled away slightly and gave a glare but if it wasn't for the twitch of his lips then he'd had her fool. "And because I'm also a damn good cuddler." He said with conviction that it made her giggle a bit. "Dean... Thank you."

"You're my sister, Sam and I promised Dad that I'll protect you."

He kissed her forehead and she drifted off into a peaceful slumber in her brother's arms but not everyone was asleep, Dean laid tirelessly awake as Sam was wrapped like a koala around him but he didn't mind because the moment Dean hit puberty it was all about pretty things in sexy short skirts or shorts but that doesn't mean he spent majority of his time with those hoes. He wasn't that desperate, if he wanted sex then he'll get it but if he wanted time with Sam then it'll stay that way. It was just awkward now that Sam is finally a woman... He still couldn't believe it.

The little girl, he mostly raised, was a woman.

But damn, she's a tall one... Dean mused at the fact that Sam was just a thirteen-year-old preteen but she doesn't look like one if he was being honest... Sam is a 100% head turner with her natural light brown hair, her green eyes that somehow has some gold specs, natural long lashes, light skin tone and petite figure.

She also had the brains which made her looked even more appealing, some guys may like girls for their bodies for a quick shag but women that use their brains and looks were harder to hunt for because they know how to play the game...

But despite Sam's beauty and brain, she didn't socialize much and if she thought he didn't notice how she actively avoids being attached or socializing with other, made him a bit sad since they had to constantly move from town to town for hunts leaving Sam alone in a dingy motel or at Bobby's place... But mostly with Bobby since his Dad and he agreed that leaving a girl alone in a motel room with a cheap lock spells disaster.

The last thing he needs in his life is another painful memory and he doesn't want Sam to get raped by a stranger or a creature.

 _'Did I fail to protect, Sammy?'_ He asked himself because going back to Bobby's words... Sam has been having a nightmare about the Yellow-Eyed demon and seeing Mom's death over and over again... What did they do? Nothing. They assumed it was a phase but they didn't realize it was affecting her badly, how long was she having that nightmare? Why did she have to hide it from them?

"Sam... how can I protect you when you don't even tell me what's going on?"

* * *

"Bobby, how long has my little girl been dreaming about this?" John downed another drink while the pot-bellied Hunter sighed. "Months now, John... She said it started as glimpses then it became much more vivid, other times she dreamt about Dean dying or you dying... Heck, she even dreamt about me dying... John, she ain't my kid but I wish she was so you gotta pick up the slack as her Father. Reassure her, tell her about this. She has questions about a lot of things but she keeps it to herself because she knows it'll upset you or Dean, she wants to help you both but she doesn't even know how to help when you keep shielding her from the truth." It was getting bad that Bobby himself was getting mad for Sam's sake.

"The truth, Bobby? If she finds out she might run or live her life in a constant paranoia. I'm doing whatever it takes to protect her and to protect Dean." He said with finality while Bobby snorted. " Are you listening to me you half-wit idjit? If you keep shielding her from the truth, what happens when this thing comes for her when you, Dean or me aren't around, huh? For the last time, Sam won't run from this, I've seen this girl basically raised her since you keep ditching her here, she's strong like her Mom and I know she'll choose her family than the apple pie life you keep making yourself believe, John." It hurt hearing it from the man's mouth but he was right, he didn't have much to do with raising Sam except for the times she needed a diaper change. He may not be the ideal all-American champ Dad but he tries his best to be there for her, Mary wanted a simple life, a house and a couple of kids.

He thought maybe Sam would want that too but... is he really right with that thought?

"Sam can make her own decisions, John... Understand that she would sooner hide the things that scare than make you worry about her, she takes care of you and Dean better than what you do yourselves. She never asks about the hunts or why you guys are hurt so much since all she wants is for you two to go home safe and alive."

And Bobby left the table, leaving John with his thoughts on the matter.


	4. Chapter 4

_Where is my prescription?_  
 _Doctor, doctor please listen_  
 _My brain is scattered_  
 _You can be Alice, I'll be the mad hatter_ _I'm peeling the skin off my face_  
 _'Cause I really hate being safe_  
 _The normals, they make me afraid_  
 _The crazies, they make me feel sane_ _I'm nuts, baby, I'm mad,_  
 _The craziest friend that you've ever had_  
 _You think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone_  
 _Tell the psychiatrist something is wrong_  
 _Over the bend, entirely bonkers_  
 _You like me best when I'm off my rocker_  
 _Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed_  
 _So what if I'm crazy?_ _The best people are_

 _\- Mad Hatter by Melanie Martinez_

* * *

She was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Once upon a lifetime, it would take a lot of coaxing and begging for answers before Dean or John to give in, from the annoyance or guilt, to give her the answers to satisfy her ever-growing curiosity about their lifestyle or the fact that John was treating them like soldiers and that going to college was the biggest mistake that she ever made...

Back to being stuck, Dean had her cage with his arms and legs while she was clearly pressed on his chest that's almost crushing and she was also at the edge of the bed, the rock is her brother and the hard place was falling down, making a noise and waking up the rest of the paranoid residents of the house...

So, she carefully slid away down and an inevitably meeting with her facing Dean's crotch was not how she pictured her morning but she successfully managed to get away without waking her sleep-deprived brother, the eyebags are darker than before, she managed to do her morning shower and change into something much comfortable like a plain white shirt with her signature green flannel, jeans, and combat boots. Making her way downstairs, silently was a task seeing as Bobby's house floors tend to make noise when a little weight is added.

Sam thought she had the kitchen to herself but was surprised to see John up and making coffee since everyone agreed that John making any food with the use of a stove, oven or toaster leads to a disaster and Bobby only had John made coffee since that's one of the things he can make without causing a small fire. "Good morning, Dad." She made sure to cause a small amount of noise enough for John to hear but not the rest of the occupants.

"Mornin', Sam." He had bloodshot eyes and a clear heavy weight on his shoulders, she knows that look because that's the same look Dean had when he was either about to do something very stupid or tell her something very stupid. "What's the matter, Dad?" She asked as she walked a few tentative steps closer to the elder Winchester. "... Sam, I-I... the dreams?" She met with her Father's troubled gaze and gave a curt nod.

"I-I know that I should have told you sooner but you already have a lot on your plate, Dad... I didn't want you to get stressed further that might lead to a heart attack if I told you that I have always known and no one told me, I figured it out on my own... I just, uh... Kinda manipulated my words on Uncle Bobby to get the confirmation." She jumped when she heard someone snorted behind her, "Damn right, you did." Bobby said while behind him was Dean looking a bit troubled.

John looked perplexed and relieved that he can skip a few things but that didn't stop Sam from giving him a hug. "It's alright, Dad, you tried your best but I'm just better at figuring things out especially when you give me an excuse that you got bruises from a bar fight when I know that you're a skilled fighter." John chuckled at that, yeah, he did make very lame excuses. "Now that we got that out of the way, got anything to say, boy?" Dean did a pretty imitation of a fish then shrugged.

"I always had a feeling that Sammy doubted our excuses, can we get breakfast now?" Leave it to Dean to destroy a perfectly good heart-to-heart moment.

When they were eating breakfast and chatting idly, idly meaning that John and Dean came clean with every hunt that they went on with the right injury description that Sam wanted to hear from them. "A vengeful female spirit killing cheating men, I wonder how you both lived without your balls getting knicked off," Bobby uttered while Sam giggled at the indignant expression on both the Winchester males. "And to clarify things, you're not at least bit disturbed that we're hunting the bogeymen that use to haunt your dreams as a kid?" Dean asked with a slightly worried tone while John was sipping his coffee looking at Sam with his own perturbed look.

"For the last time, Dean, no! The only thing that bothers me is the amount of alcohol you and Dad decided to intake after every hunt that and the amount of time you sleep with different women despite the rubber you use, how much do you know that it didn't break and that you have a kid somewhere out there?" Oh yes, she was milking Dean's horrified expression but she'll be looking forward to the day he meets Lisa and Ben.

Bobby and John snorted. "Nice job, Sam. You scared your brother enough that he might not sleep around so much."

"Sammy, why did you have to do that?" Dean whined because now he's having rampant thoughts of mini-Deans and some unknown woman in a living room in a stereotype Martha Stewart lifestyle. "Because I naturally care about my brother's well-being." She quipped while John raised a brow. "What about the Father's well-being, Sammy?" She gave an amused look at her Dad. "You can take care of yourself just fine, Dad, since you happen to use both your brain and brawn power whilst Dean, happens to use more of his brawn and crotch." Dean laid his head on the table and groan while Bobby outwardly laughed. "Stop using big words, Sam, it's giving me a headache." He mumbled.

"If you happen to you use your brain more often then you wouldn't get a headache you stereotypical American Neandertal." She replied while John mused while Bobby just had fun watching the kids being kids. "I'm gonna pretend that I know what you are referencing." Dean looked up, chin on the table while Sam had this strange glint in her eyes. "Basically, you eat, sleep, drink, mate like those overcompensating steroid induced jocks at a high school drama filled chick-flick." Dean flipped her off.

"Bitch"

"Jerk"

* * *

After the lovely morning banter, John and Dean decided to take it up a notch with Sam's defensive training as well as some target practice. "Remind me again why I'm using a 19th-century crossbow?" She asked while John explained that there are some creatures that are killed with specific weapons, not like she already knew that but she was playing the part of foolish newbie hunter, specific ways, and rituals.

"Vampires get killed by beheading and to turn a person into a vampire they need to ingest the blood, not by the bite?" She asked for clarification while Dean nodded. "They also hunt together or take the victim to their nest and the nest usually has pairs or usually called mates, they have more than five sometimes reaching up to twenty in a nest. " John watched Dean explain everything about the common creatures they usually encountered.

"You know, she's humoring her brother, right?" Bobby asked while John was observing on the sidelines. "Let me guess, she read your journal?" He asked a bit wryly on the matter while Bobby nodded. "It gave her a headstart about some things like salt n' burn, exorcism, creatures with a _'How To Kill'_ in it." Forgoing the weapon in her hand, she and Dean headed to the mats for some hand-to-hand combat.

Once upon a time, she had the advantage of her six-foot-four height and large muscle mass but she had to make due with her petite figure that has surprising agility and flexibility as well as speed. She observed that with this new sex change comes some downsides namely, a crash course into PMS-ing... And the god-awful cramps...

Dean decided to aim an uppercut at but she outmaneuvered him by backing away and feigning a left upper kick to his side that he blocked only to have his other side completely free to get punched in the face. "Dude! That punch was weak!" He commented as he rubbed his cheek. Sam rolled her eyes as she swiped her distracted brother's legs with her own and pinned him to the ground.

"It wasn't meant to knock you out but distract you, De."

* * *

She watched from the front porch as Dean and her Father packed their stuff for a hunt while Bobby was giving them some heads-up about the things that are happening in the place, she had an odd nostalgic or a more melancholic feeling because before, she was with them... Ready and packing without another word but now, things are severely different which somehow frightens her.

She wondered about the consequences of her actions if she prevented something then what would be the repercussion.

"Hey Sam," She jumped a bit when she saw her Father standing in front of her, she grew a bit flustered seeing as she wasn't aware of her surrounding. "Hey Dad, sorry... a lot on my mind." She apologized while John frowned a bit. "... You know you can talk to me or Dean if this is bothering you, we won't push this to be part of your life." Her eyes softened and she instinctively hugged John, who stiffened at first but relaxed knowing Sam's affections were solidification of her feelings.

"Dad, you guys are part of this and you are part of my life... I can't just cut one thing out without cutting the other one and you guys are my family, there's nothing you could to make me run away from this."

 _Because I'll be the one driving you away. I'm sorry._

She walked toward the driveway where Dean was trying his best not to look worried, he and Dad argued about bringing her with them on the hunt but in the end, Sam made a bargain that she'll do the research instead from Bobby's house where she can reassure her Father she'll be safe but all the while, hunt. "You know... one of these days he'll bring me out in the field, Dean." She said as she sat at the hood of the Impala with Dean beside her. "I know, Sammy... but with this Yellow-Eyed fucker out and the things that could kill, I'm not sure that Dad will ever let you hunt." He said gruffly while feeling dejected, he wanted to keep Sammy safe by making sure she was beside him and now with the secret out of the closet, he was relieved to get things off his chest.

Sam always understood the situation, she didn't question much unless it was needed to... She didn't need to be a rocket scientist to figure things out, she just did as if she already knew what was going to happen which was sometimes unnerving but he would just pegged it off as those women's intuition thing going on. When he would spiral into some sort of pit, she brought him back and it was unnerving that she knew him better than he knew himself.

It was also disappointing, on his part, that Sam knew him but he didn't know much about her.

He tried to make a valiant effort to get to know her, her quirks and the things that pissed her off but even as a baby, she didn't give him and his Dad a hard time in raising her... As if she already knew that their lives were on a constant run, she was small and vulnerable to the world and all he wanted to do was protect her, she's innocent and untainted but she makes it a point to always comfort him even when he makes it hard for her.

"Dean, don't worry... I understand but can you promise me something?" She asked her brother who gave her his full attention and gaze. "What is it, Sammy?"

"Call me if there's trouble, I don't care how big or small it is and come back home even if you're bruised or scrapped."

* * *

When they took off for the case, Sam was left with Bobby who in return, left her with her thoughts seeing as everything was a bit out of the spur. It was a little cliché sitting on the front porch with a steaming cup of coffee and her thoughts running faster than the Impala on an emergency basis, she thought about the past and how different it was from what she's currently experiencing...

Her relationship with John wasn't close like as it is today before it was strained and full of tension, it was always Dean who acted as a buffer between them if things gets far out of hand but now the roles are reversed, she's the one acting as the buffer since Dean doesn't want to leave her alone even if she was living with a Hunter who was way past the average Hunter life expectancy and Dad _wanted_ her to stay in school instead of ganking the next monster in his journal. If he acted like this long ago then she wouldn't have any kind of hesitation in accepting but that wasn't who she was anymore.

Not after everything she's been through.

Dean and Castiel's death would be in vain.

But she's crazy to think she could do this alone.

* * *

With the secret out, Bobby told her that she'd be living alone for a few days seeing as he has a friend that needs help down in Nebraska near Jo and Ellen's place so they went out but that didn't mean she was assured. "What if they use the house phone and we aren't around?" She asked while he waved it off. "It's fine, connected to my phone that I'm leaving with you." He said gruffly while she hn'ed.

She welcomed the distraction.

The nightmares are plaguing her again.


	5. Chapter 5

_I stared up at the sun_  
 _Thought of all the people,_  
 _Places and things I've loved_ _You can feel the light start to tremble_  
 _Washing what you know out to sea_  
 _You can see your life out of the window, tonight_ _If I lose myself tonight_  
 _It'll be by your side_  
 _If I lose myself tonight_  
 _Wooh, wooh, wooh!_ _If I lose myself tonight_  
 _It'll be you and I_  
 _Lose myself tonight_

 _-_ _If I Lose Myself (Cover) by Madilyn Bailey & Corey Gray_

* * *

 _"Really Gigantor? Afraid that you'll squish Lil' ole me with those big muscles?" Gabriel poked the uneasy Sam Winchester as he helped the Archangel to his feet. "Gabriel, I'd appreciate if you didn't poke me, I have enough bullet holes that makes James Bond look like he only got scrapped on the knee." He hissed as his right leg protested with the sudden weight. Gabriel rolled his eyes yet abid to what the taller asked of him._

 _After all, how many humans do you see taking an enhanced angel wing killer bullet for them?_

* * *

 _"Why would you stupidly go into an obvious trap, Sam?" It was frightening to see a calm yet enrage Archangel especially if it's the Devil himself. "I can and I will, Lucifer. They have Cas and Dean with them if you think I'm just going to sit this one out and hope for the better then you're sadly mistaken." He seethed as the Archangel keeps blocking his path. "Why?"_

 _"Because he's my brother and there's nothing I wouldn't do to for him."_

 _"Even risking your life?"_

 _"He went to Hell for me and pulled me out of my own perdition."_

* * *

Sam woke up with a dazed look on her face, she remembered those quite vividly and it broke her heart. As much as she was supposed to hate them for putting her and Dean in a situation where they can barely stand, barely trust...

And yet, she was fascinated with the eccentric behavior.

Castiel was the first angel she had met and his personality was very... strict and at first, she thought that all the other angels were like that but turns out everyone had a different personality hidden beneath the surface of obedience and fear, Castiel was the difference they needed in order to let that personality surface, all because of them.

Sam and Dean Winchester.

It was a revolution that Lucifer himself started but wasn't given the praise he so rightfully deserves. Her mind was swimming in dangerous waters but at the moment she didn't care for she was lost in her own thoughts, she knew that there are things that _needed_ to happen but the selfish part of her _wants_ nothing to happen, nothing major such as the Apocalypse but how?

She had Dean with her through and through along with Castiel.

Team Free Will. Two of the originals members died and one was left

She sighed deeply knowing full well that her top opponents are Zachariah and Raphael since back in her original timeline, Michael became a vegetable that was trapped by his inner demons and the fact that he kept everything in, he pushed everyone away thinking that leaving them ignorant would be the best option just like how Dean was when a situation arises. Zachariah is a suck-up lackey that'll follow Michael like a puppy to have this _'higher art thou'_ attitude and boss everyone around and Raphael was just as lost as Michael when God disappeared while Uriel was a Lucifer fanatic...

To sum it all up, Chuck was the reason of the major Daddy Issues each one of his Archangels had.

Michael the Good Soldier Boy Who Doesn't Know What To Do, **Lucifer** the Rebellious Angsty Teen Who Has Point Yet Was Denied, _Raphael_ the I Don't Give A Crap But I Really Do But Hid It Well Teen and _**Gabriel**_ the Youngest Who Doesn't Want To See His Family Fight and Ran Off To Be A Norse God.

Christ... Everything's fucked up and she doesn't even know where to begin to fix it.

If she could fix things by the comforts of her bed then she would.

Her thoughts drifted to her dream more or less, a memory with two certain Archangels who both made her life Hell with one being the actual Devil and the other as the Trickster God that wants to get in her pants. She remembered them and how they fought ferociously against the Leviathans but in the end, even the mightiest fell, they died with their blades by their side and each other's back.

Remembering it made her die a little bit on the inside, Lucifer was a part of her just as she was to him. When he died, she did so too.

 _'You don't know what you have until it's truly gone...'_ Those last words echoed in her mind as she recalled that when Team Free Will had something against the Leviathans but they were far from the safe house, they didn't have enough time but those two gave them more than enough time...

 _'And look what happened.'_ The traitorous voice in her head sneered, everyone died yet she lived. The feeling of completeness as Lucifer and she were one was something she longed for but without the Apocalypse, her soul had sung such a melodious tone when reunited with Lucifer, the feeling she buried deep inside in fear of the reaction of her brother and of their Guardian. _'You were made for me, Sam.'_ His voice was like sweet honey and dark chocolate when he tried to coax her into consent.

He made her feel weak at the same time safe.

A part of her wants to be lost in those captivating sweet words of safety but her moral obligation to her family won, over and over again.

She wished she could be selfish.

* * *

Her first hunt happened in Summer.

Her Dad and Dean agreed to let her do some field work in order to gain a good experience which happens to be an easy salt n' burn but from her experience alone, there's never an easy salt n' burn since the story can actually be much more fucked up than it usually is, she should be excited and fearful but her total lack of thereof made the other two Winchesters worry about the female Winchester.

She seemed much more somber than usual.

 _'She had a nightmare, Sam's trying to figure out the meaning behind it, give her time, you idjits.'_ Bobby warned them that pushing Sam won't make the situation better instead of trying the asking out of the blue, wait for her to open up. "What's the M.O for this one, Sammy?" They let her take the lead in the research. "Vincent Brooks was a loving husband and Father but turns out he has a dirty secret which was being a sexual assaulter/killer at night, he would tie his victims up in their bed with their spouses or kids watching, duct tape or tied up. After having his way with the wife, he goes from youngest to oldest then lighting the place on fire. He was later caught but somehow escaped to a small copper-mining town in Jerome Arizona. So there are about two spooks in this town, another is a prostitute named Sammie Dean-"

Dean choked in his saliva while John had the gall to laugh. "Seriously?! Our names were combined to be a prostitute's name?"

Sam ignored Dean's outburst. "Sammie Dean a prostitute who was strangled by a customer in the old Crib District. Her spirit is said to roams the alleys looking for her killer, who was never found. And a bunch other more spokes since this is one of those towns that had cowboys shooting each other as a form of dominant sport or showing off their testosterone high self." She ended without much of another word.

Ever since that dream with Gabriel and Lucifer happened, those dream-like memories became much more frequent and at times, more vivid that she can feel every sensation from the taste of the food that she ate to the hands that scarred her and the burning hot pain of a cut that was washed by alcohol. Everything was surreal that she woke up in a daze or in a worse case scenario, screaming in terror. The first time that it happened was when she dreamt of her dying then Dean making a deal to save her then Dean dying...

She didn't realize she was screaming and Dean was the one shaking her while her Dad was wiping her sweat and Bobby was holding her down so she wouldn't injure anyone.

Since then, she opted to tire herself out by working on the physical attributes she lacks such as muscle mass and a plan to get to the safehouse hidden behind Cummins Falls that's all the way in Tennessee which seemed to take most of her thinking space since it seems remotely impossible to even get away from the bloodhounds named John and Dean Winchester.

While John and Dean opted to question the family of the victims, she wandered around the quiet town until she stumbled unto a church.

In the past life, she was never much of a religious person because of all the things that happened, she needed someone to blame and she blamed God for all of the unfairness of her life but in reality... She was angry at herself and like Dean, she didn't channel it properly instead she channeled it internally which twisted her psychology so bad that she the _'I-Must-Please'_ attitude, she would get the short end of the stick because she knows she deserves it.

Even up to today, she believes it.

At the very back and dark corner of the church, she sat and for the first time in a long time...

She prayed to God.

 _'Dear God...or any Angels, I don't know whether you're hearing me or choose not to but like all others, I need your help. I don't know what to do with this life and I know I should take caution in life but... Why me? I know I've asked you this question several times and each answer seems vaguer than the last one. The balance of the world hangs between good and evil which both are currently peaceful, I don't know what should I do? I'm afraid of making mistakes that could seriously mess things up, I'm also afraid if I don't do anything then the same people will die all over again. Please, if you're hearing me... It's Sam Winchester... And I need guidance.'_

After her prayer, she stood up and left without another word neverminding that there was a rustle of feathers.

Sam felt like she needed something sweet since she felt very bitter or is it just the coffee? It seemed like a heavy burden was lifted from her as she prayed but she felt like she was being watched and shrugged it off. "Buuuut Mikey, it's just _one_ candy bar, I forgot my money back at home I'll pay you back when we get home." She glanced to the side and saw a young blonde boy pulling an exasperated teen to the candy shop. "You said that the last time, Luke... You still owe me twenty bucks and I have a study session with Lindy tonight." The older brother said while Luke sighed.

"She's just another screeching terror." Sam had to refrain from laughing but that didn't stop her from smiling seeing the older brother bring out his wallet and gave five dollars to the whooping sibling that went inside the shop. "You're a nice brother." She commented and saw the black haired boy named Mikey blushed. "W-well he's my little brother, if I don't give him what he wants then he'll bug the hell outta me." He stammered a bit since a clearly attractive girl just appeared in front of him.

Sam giggled a bit. "I may not be the oldest but you're just like my brother but I don't have to annoy him...much." She joked while the teen smiled. "I'm Michael Carlson but call me Mikey and the little brat that went inside the candy store is my brother, Lucas Carlson but he likes to be called Luke." He introduced himself while she shook his hand. "I'm Samantha Winchester and I prefer being called Sam, nice to meet you." She chatted with Mikey and had an odd sense of _déjà vu_ when she saw Mikey and Luke.

It reminded her of herself and Dean...

Michael and Lucas.

Michael and Lucifer.

She remained calm despite the coincidence and excused herself to go inside the candy store and began to browse into the wide varieties of sweets that once would've made her teeth rotten and stomach churn now gave her a slight sense of comfort but she stopped when she came across a particular brand of sweet, it was one of those candies with a surprise inside flavor. She liked those...

"You like those too, huh?" A little blonde boy asked her earnestly as he appeared from another aisle. Sam nodded. "It's my favorite and it was my... friends' favorite..." She said with a sigh in the end. "You seem kinda sad... Did you and your friends fight?" Those big blue innocent eyes were something she had before when she didn't know the horrors of the world, it was a bittersweet feeling. "We used to... But they're not here anymore..." She said and swallowed the bitter lump forming in her throat.

"I can be your friend, my name is Lucas Carlson and I'm seven!" He was bubbly and honest.

When she bought a pack of the candy, she gave one to Lucas and exited the store meeting Michael again... She said farewell to the Carlson brothers but somehow she didn't feel sad or happy, she was stuck in this limbo state wherein two emotions were fighting off...

She was lost.

* * *

She didn't know what happened exactly happen at first after the salt n' burning except that there was another fight that led to screaming and a clash of blows before she was hit at the back of her head before everything blacked out then when she woke up she found herself tied up and a bit roughened up but what surprised her was Lucas and Michael bloodied faces and another figure in front of them.

A man who's equally bloodied but something about him made her fear him.

"-hunters stormed in and killed your Mother!" He hissed while the two boys stood motionlessly but in their eyes, she could see that they didn't want this but they didn't have a choice, the way Michael held Lucas... Protecting him just like how Dean had protected her...

Is this the consequence of her actions?

Someone else is paying the price, someone else's family going through the hell because she decided that she wanted to protect her family... She hung her head in shame, her selfishness caused another to suffer when she promised that no one else will ever go through the same hell...

Oh, God.

"You're wrong about something, we don't become hunters because we want to but because we're forced to." She mumbled while she got lifted by her neck, she was losing oxygen by a madman's hand obsessive revenge streak. "Dad let her go!" Lucas pleaded while Michael nodded, this was something they didn't need to see. "How many times do I have to tell you, Lucas. Hunters are bloodthirsty, they will kill without hesitation and she is part of them!" Lucas flinched but he didn't back down. "She's not fighting back! You're no better than the hunter who killed Mom!" This time it was Michael who spoke and his eyes were like Dean's when he defied John's orders.

"You treated as soldiers, to be the monsters what they hunt down! You paint a target at our backs just to attract this hunter but didn't it occur to you that it might attract other hunters and kill us or do we not matter enough?" It hurts Sam and was feeling dizzy but fortunately enough she was thrown out of the man's grasped. She sucked the oxygen like a starved man, Lucas was beside her, patting her back.

"... You're not the only one who lost a loved one, a husband that lost a wife, children without a mother... At least yours wasn't killed by a demon who did it to countless others." She spat viciously and as she stares at the man's eyes, hers were burning like the fires of Hell, burning with a resolution that it hurts to look at without seeing your own sins. "I was a mere six-month-baby that had the unfortunate luck to remember how my own Mother died, she died _slowly_... Cut open like an experiment and strung up on the ceiling and I had to watch the light in her eyes faded! I thought it was just a dream but no dream lasts for years, repeating like a broken record, a haunting reminder that I didn't do anything and do you want to know the worse part of it all..."

She panted from lack of oxygen and the burning hatred for Azazel ripped through her like a knife thrust into her chest letting all those emotions flow out. "He burned her and as my Father carried me out of my nursery... In my mind, I heard her screaming... That night we lost the normalcy she represented instead we became revenge ridden, do you really want your sons to suffer for something that's going through with you? Turn them into the monsters that the hunter that killed your wife, their mother?" Years and years of pent-up aggression came pouring out.

"How would you know and I do whatever it takes to ensure that my family stay alive-"

"You know absolutely _nothing_ about Hell or the demons that rule it, how we took it upon ourselves to save many people as we possibly can and how we risk our lives to make sure that it doesn't happen, hundreds of hunters from around the world do their part because we were forced to take a responsibility that we didn't choose and you spread this propaganda that we kill your beings without a second thought? If you didn't act too recklessly, so inhumane then we didn't have to pull the trigger but you force us to, do you think every single hunter enjoys taking a life? Do you?! Because I'm telling you now, not every hunter is the same and not every creature is a bloodthirsty killer and if you're going to say that we had the choice and decided to kill anyway, think about the other hunters who hesitates to kill because they are finding a reason not to kill you when they see that you have your own family, others kill without hesitation because time and time again their soft-hearted nature nearly gets them killed."

She didn't care that she ranted, she didn't care that John, Bobby, and Dean heard her or the family of vampires stood unable to do what they're supposed to do when they were verbally slapped in the face...

Sam lost herself in her own emotional turmoil, was it the stress? The lack of sleep or the fact she was alone in this matter?

"Just take your sons and go, be the Father that they need..." She said while the man narrowed his eyes. "And what do you know about their needs, Hunter?" He didn't spat but he was struggling to keep the venom when all he felt was weariness and tiredness down to the bone. "I wouldn't be speaking if I didn't go through what they're going through but unlike you, my Father managed to piece himself back together and became the pillar of support along with my brother, Uncle and I's help... He became what we needed and it doesn't matter if he thinks it's still not good enough but my brother and I remind him that we don't need anything more except for him to live through each day despite our occupational hazard so don't tell me I don't know when I've crossed that bridge."

She felt sore and thirsty, she didn't break down like that before so this was a first in her new life.

In the end, her family busted in and the vampires fled but as she struggled to keep her consciousness, she saw the grateful look that the brothers sent her...

 _"Thank you, Sam..."_

She didn't see them again after they fled since they left the town for their own safety. "Oh, Sammy..." That night, Dean drove and Bobby's in the passenger seat while John hugged his daughter in fear of what might happen should he close his eyes, Dean felt conflicted because of what Sam told the vampires, she didn't want to kill unless she was forced to and all he did was pressure her.

How many vampires did he kill that mirrored their lives with them being the demon that took everything away from the family? How many families did they ripped apart because they lose themselves in the adrenaline or the pent-up anger that they stowed away only to let those prejudistic thoughts rule them?

Maybe he should take a page from Sam's book?

Unbest to them, Fate and Destiny smiled upon the change that is occurring.

* * *

She was in some sort of limbo in her mind.

But that wasn't the case, she was in the middle of a circle where mirrors surrounded her, blocked her path and what she saw made her froze...

She didn't see her reflection but the reflection of her former self, the six foot four height and shaggy hair, the blood and the haunted expression...

 _You can't stop the inevitable._

The in another mirror was Dean...

 _You can't save everybody, Sammy._

Cas...

 _The abominable one_

Bobby...

 _What did you do, you idjit?!_

Dad, Mom, and Jess...

 _You killed us because he wants you!_

Their voices gradually rising until it turned to a deafening shout that it forced her to her knees, she tried to cover her ears but it was too much, the truth hurts and her heart feels like it was about to explode...

She screamed and the mirrors shattered.

Amidst the broken shards, Sam tried to stand but it was far from over...

The shadows in her mind didn't cease except now it keeps replaying every death that occurred by her hands, by being associated with her and by her mere touched...

 _You are cursed!_

She fell once again of her knees unto the shards, her hands covering her ears as she hunched over with eyes shut and tears continuously falling down as she screamed for it to stop...

"I know it's my fault, I'm sorry I caused your deaths, I'm sorry I can't help it that I'm cursed! I'm sorry! I don't know what do...please tell me what should I do?! I'm weak without a purpose but now I try... Give me a chance to change it all... I'm begging you.."

She knew begging would just entice it to do more but somehow... It stopped but she didn't dare open her eyes until something or someone was caressing her cheek.

 _Sammy._

"No..."

 _Open your eyes._

"You're not real, stop it."

 _God, why do you have to be such a bitch?_

She started to shake, too afraid to even look at the next kind of torture that when she opened her eyes and met with the familiar green hues and freckled face. "Dean?" She had to ask because the nightmares went for hours and she didn't trust herself whether this illusion is going to kill her or not.

 _It took awhile but I can't stay long._ She tackled him, illusion or not, this was _her_ Dean!

"I lost it, Dean... I don't know if I can do this alone..." She said while Dean patted her and nodded. _You went batshit crazy like Harley Quinn to the Joker minus the make-up and clown wear but anyways... I fucking hate to say that I'm dead but I am, I asked Chuck if he could help me contact you even if it's for a bit... Where I am is fucked up sure I have Mom, Dad, and the others... It doesn't have my bitchy brother -er... Sister there._

She smiled even if it's a bit strained. "You need rest but I'm hiding so much from your younger self, Dad, and Bobby. I don't what should I do when Cas appears." She said despondently while the older Winchester snorted. _He wanted to come to see you too but Chuck said only one and this is the only time I can get to contact you so I came to deliver the message._ He brought out his phone and went to the saved voice recordings.

 _Sam,_

 _The mission that you have is heavy and the fact remains that you have to face it alone bothers me and the others. We are not saying you are weak but the fact that allies are scarce from experience alone, it has taught that being wary leads to unyielding paranoia. I pleaded with Father to let us help but he said things must be done and after that then we will be able to help._

 _You are my friend Sam Winchester and I apologize to you if my other self will be hostile to you once more and a thousand more apologies should my actions affect your relationship with your family but know this, you are not cursed, you are loved and strong._

 _Remember that you've faced a lot of obstacles in your life and should you need guidance, pray to the Father, he owes you that much._

 _Good luck, Sam._

It was sweet and mixed with a Dean-ish way but that's what you expect when the angel spends more time with Dean.

 _Hey Sammy, I know things can get rough and fucked up... There are times when you really want to throw the towel but I know you're a tough son of a bitch that can handle the things that every asshole threw at us, bitch you better not give up on me._

She hugged her brother and laughed a bit despite the sadness in her heart.

"Don't lose faith in me, Jerk."

* * *

When she woke up, she was surrounded by her Father with Dean. They were in some sort of home-y motel, they were in the living room and John was leaning back on the sofa while she was laying on his lap while Dean connected a separate couch and was beside her...

She felt the love and basked in it.

She carefully extracted herself from her Father, it was a task but wasn't much of a hassle since she already spent a lifetime being Hunter she sneaking out from someone is a breeze despite being a person who's a light sleeper, she washed up and prepared breakfast...

"Sam?" She tilted her head to the side seeing Bobby, he was haggered like the other two who's in the living room. "Morning, Uncle Bobby." He hugged her and sighed. "You scared the living crap out of us, I broke nearly every law just to get in time but thank some God that I had a job in Vegas." He muttered while she smiled a bit. "Thanks, Bobby..." The old hunter can see that the events of last night still made her wary.

In all his life, he didn't see Sam break until last night.

Of course, he Goddamn knew how rough her life is, how some kids make fun of her by being tall and having thrift shop clothes or how she's smart and mature that she barely does anything or how some teachers actually believe those stuck-up snots since Sam hardly does anything since she always tells them it's pointless since they move around some much that she'll just forget those snots.

But eventually, John yielded to let Sam stabilize a bit and thankfully, the house wasn't so lonely when he had an adopted sorta ish-daughter.

Even in her new school, those snots were no good with their self-entitled pride that's no good when it comes to hunting and if only those snots knew that the very girl they're bullying was the girl who's also protecting them like how she did with the vampires.

When John and Dean woke up, they had a sit down with Sam.

"... Sammy, I-I'm sorry..." Sam knew Dean wasn't a fan or at least a person that apologizes much but she knew that even he Dad felt the same but the important thing is that they both try...

"I know that you both try your absolute best to protect me and I hate to say this but I'm a human being capable of thinking for myself, I may be young but I'm not blind or deaf... I don't like killing but I will if I have to, only if the situation calls for it because I don't know whether or not I'm gonna gank something that has a family of his or her own." She said despite the raw disapproval that John wants to say.

He couldn't deny that Sam was right.

How many of those things that he killed and turned those seemingly deadly by lore or tale that's actually living a nice quiet life into something that mirrors their own?


	6. Chapter 6

_War, huh, yeah_  
 _What is it good for_  
 _Absolutely nothing_  
 _War, huh, yeah_  
 _What is it good for_  
 _Absolutely nothing_  
 _Say it again, why'all_ _War, huh, good god_  
 _What is it good for_  
 _Absolutely nothing, listen to me_ _Oh, war, I despise_  
 _'Cause it means destruction of innocent lives_ _War means tears to thousands of mothers eyes_  
 _When their sons go to fight_  
 _And lose their lives_

 _ **\- War (Cover by Jack Black)**_

* * *

Dorm.

She couldn't believe she was at Stanford University with both her Dad and Dean inside her dorm room, double checking everything from the windows and doors. "Everything seems in place," John said gruffly as he put another box in the living room. "No place big enough to hide a boy, nice job picking this room, Sammy." Dean gave his sister a noogie in which she gave him the epic bitch face. "Unlike the others, I made sure to check the dorm rooms when we had our orientation so I can pick the private rooms since God only knows what I'll do if my roommate sees a Devil's Trap or a shotgun in sight." She said sourly while Dean chuckled.

John picked up the picture frame with the complete family. _'Oh Mary, if only you could see our little girl right now.'_ He thought and placed it on the nightstand and gave the dorm one more sweep. "-so proud of you, Sammy." John smiled seeing his eldest hug his youngest when Sam was born, he knew she was going to be special and special she has proven herself time and time again by showing him and Dean that having a goal is good but a revenge laced goal is unhealthy.

He was happy to have seen the error of his way before things were too late.

Sam made sure that they stuck like glue or super glue because they got each other's back with both Bobby and Sam being the brains while he and Dean were the brawns, together they did save lives and protected the weak by killing those evil sons of a bitches, John felt uneasy knowing that he did gank a few due to his vendetta but he amended it for it...

And Dean was spared from the guilt of killing innocent lives.

Just because they kill doesn't mean they do it for fun but out of necessity to survive another day.

It was a change that most of the Hunters that worked with them often disapproved but Rome wasn't built in a day, it was a gradual change that takes time. "Well..." John started while both the Winchester siblings looked at him. "Remember to phone us if anything happens and Sam... Please _don't_ hunt alone." He put a heavy emphasis on don't but knowing how stubborn Sam is, she'll call if she couldn't handle it.

"I'll try to Dad." The quirk of her slips indicated that John knew well enough that she's still going to do so. "I'll be driving by every now and then." Dean winked at his sister who rolled her eyes, ever since Dean got the Impala he's been picking up chicks but thankfully there's no handsy pansy in the backseat. "Please don't pick up any of Stanford kids, De... I don't want a hoard to form when you break their hearts." She pleaded.

"No worries, Sammy, not all of them are lookers."

John gave a hug to Sam. "I'll be going now, there's a hunt down in Michigan about some spooks." He said while Sam nodded. "Be safe, Dad." She said then John left his two kids alone. "He's proud of you, Sammy just doesn't know how to say it." She knew because that's how John Winchester is, a gruff man who lost his wife and struggled with two kids living in the backseat of the car.

He's alive and their bond is close.

"I don't need to hear it, Dean. I can see how he does it every day for the both of us." Sam said with a smile while Dean gave his own genuine smile, he's happy and proud of his little sister for all the obstacles they've faced, they did it together and hand in hand they battled the demons. "I'm happy for you, Sammy." He said earnestly while Sam blushed since that expression on Dean was something that made girls' blush.

She was fortunate enough that she can resist most of his charm.

"You know Dean, you could try and take some online classes?" She asked again with her own dimpled smile that made Dean laughed. "Yeah right, you already got away with me finishing High School, you're not gonna get away with college, Sammy." Sam resisted the urge to pout. "Even if that's what I want for my birthday?" Dean rolled his eyes. "You are such a pushy bitch." He joked while she gradually drifted to his side and wrapped her arm around his waist as they walked out of the dorm.

"And you are such a stubborn jerk but you love me anyway despite me being pushy." She winked while Dean couldn't deny that statement, Sam was her own reckoning force that even their Father couldn't handle just like fire, she burns bright and if you didn't handle with care she will burn you. Her fire was warm and it's his solace in the cold world when their house burnt down, he thought he couldn't find the same feeling again but he was wrong.

Sam made every single dingy hotel feel like a home to go back to after a long day's work.

She is the home he could always come back to and there's no one who could be compared to this.

She was his angel, the angel who wraps her wings and makes him feel safe... She never judges him but guides him unto a better path and he's proud to say that thanks to Sam he could be proud of himself... For all the sacrifices he had done... He glanced at his sister, who was lost in her own thoughts and those glittering emerald hues were undeniably expressive. There are times when he would get a glimpse of those light hues turn dark as if a shadow was cast and she was haunted.

It was broken and it scared him.

Deep inside he knew, he can't always protect Sammy but that doesn't mean he doesn't try.

"I'll see you soon, Sammy."

* * *

 ** _Four Years Later..._**

* * *

"To the smartest woman in the Psychology department!"

Sam ducked her head as everyone on the table cheered. "You managed to score one of the highest scores in all time, Sam!" Jess cheered while it broke Sam's heart a little that she didn't have a dick or wasn't in her original gender because Jess was now happy in the arms of someone else didn't meet before but the good thing is that Jess is alive. "You're Law majors, why are you here?" Harry joked while the others rolled their eyes. "Because we can and Sam is our friend too, asshat!" Pete said as he shoved a drink towards Jess and Ralph's direction.

"I heard you have an interview this Monday for a full ride, is that true?" Kelly asked earnestly at the blushing brunette who smiled. "Yeah, Professor Hank recommended me and I have an interview with one of the sponsors." She said happily while everyone cheered. "Is that gorgeous brother of yours coming over to celebrate?" Lory asked with a vixen like a smile. In Sam's opinion, she didn't want Lory to be anywhere near Dean, not because she's jealous...

Lory just seemed off.

"Afraid not, Dean's not coming back till tomorrow, we're driving back to our Uncle's place to have a family celebration." She said a bit cheekily while the others who knew Sam enough, she was protective of her brother just as her brother is protective of her. In those four short years, she relished the feeling of absolute normalcy. "So hey, we're going on a road trip to Cummings Falls after graduation, you wanna come?" Jess asked Sam while she mentally debated whether she would go but if the timeline were correct then later tonight Dean would come barging in telling her that Dad went missing.

"I'll think about it, Jess. I can't make any promises but if I can't join you then I'll meet you there." She said while the others had mixed expressions. "You sure you can't just turn up the puppy dog look on your brother and Dad so you could join us?" Pete asked while she laughed a bit. "The last time I did that, they decided to tail us until we got to our destination and saw me getting hit on by a guy who looks like some sleazy wannabe Hugh Hefner and decided to become looming shadows." She replied dryly and recalled the time she did, in fact, told them she was going out of state.

There was a truck and a familiar Chevy Impala trailing behind them.

And the trip was a success on the civilians part but on their part, they had to fight a fucking witch who tried to hex Dean for killing her two covenmates while John destroyed the hex bag, she knocked the witch out but apparently, the witch was far into deep with the dark magic so they had to roast her for the sake of the seven people their coven had curse.

 _ **Later That Night...**_

She was sitting on the sofa of the apartment she rented out, it was vastly different from her former life since it lacked Jess but it was safer this way so Azazel won't kill anyone else, the walls were covered with Enochian symbols that covered every room and a Devil's Trap under every rug or mat as well as doors and windows, what she lacked before she will fill now.

The walls were then covered by a clean crisped white wallpaper where she designed a nice Cherry Blossom tree in the living room while in her bedroom has a two Willow trees frozen in the midst of swaying and a thousand black butterflies forming the silhouette of Dean on the right side, the left side had angel wings and feathers that formed Castiel's silhouette...

On the ceiling was the design that she committed to memory, it was Death with Heaven's gate on the right and on the left is Hell in its fiery glory.

And written under Death's skeleton cloaked figure was the quote...

* * *

 ** _Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo_**

 _If I can not bend the will of Heaven, I shall move Hell_

* * *

The quote was faded.

In her heart and mind, she knew has branded this saying because she knew if she yielded to the events that Heaven wanted then she would lose more than she could gain and Heaven isn't exactly on her side even from the beginning, she is the bringer of the Apocalypse by being Lucifer's true vessel unlike Dean who was blessed by the Angel's grace by being Michael's vessel.

Was she peeved?

She was indeed if only a little because, in her mind, she never chooses to be who the others wanted for their apocalyptic game and as she leaned back and got lost in her own memory of the past and compared with how vastly different it was from the original timeline and wondered how will everyone be since she had the knowledge, she could prevent or avert but deep inside.

She was scared.

Even with the knowledge of the upcoming events, she worries about breaking from the pressure or how easily she gets possessed, she can't allow this knowledge to be passed unto different beings...

A quiet click alerted her that Dean's here.

 _'It's show time...'_

* * *

 ** _"Dad's gone on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in days."_**

* * *

 **The Woman in White.** _The general term for this mythical creature is a "White Lady." She is also often known as a Woman in White or a Weeping Woman. A White Lady is a type of female ghost/apparition and is often seen in rural areas and associated with tragedy. The most common story behind this legend is that of a woman being betrayed by a husband or fiancé and then taking her own life._ _In some myths, the women murder their own children after the betrayal of their spouse and then commit suicide. These apparitions are often said to be harbingers of death. It is also often found under "Ghostly Hitchhikers" and the like because, in some stories, she is seen by the side of the road, waiting for unfaithful men to pick her up._

* * *

Sam reread the same paragraph and sighed.

Constance Welch was a mother of two driven crazy by her husband's infidelity, drowned her kids and jumped off a bridge. A poor unfortunate soul who couldn't move on from the tragedy that struck in her life and decided that instead of owning up for her own flaws, she decided to inflict the same pain onto others even if they had no mistakes... She cannot face her mistakes.

Constance reminded Sam of her own flaws.

The times when her pride won over logic or clear thinking that it cost her much and she didn't want put the blame on herself so she put it on others just for the sake of not wounding her pride...

Like Constance.

She didn't want to face her mistakes.

* * *

 **The Wendigo or Windigo** _The windigo originates from spiritual beliefs held by Indigenous peoples who inhabited large parts of both the northeastern seaboard and continental interior, especially the region around the Great Lakes and St. Lawrence River. A diverse mix of many different cultures and nations, the people share a set of similar dialects of the Algonquian language. As a result, they're often referred to as "Algonquian" peoples._ _The windigo, sometimes spelled wendigo or weendigo, is believed to be the spirit of winter and a symbol of the dangers of selfishness. Although beliefs vary, the windigo is generally considered a horrifying entity with an insatiable taste for human flesh. Anyone who encounters a windigo risks being devoured or even being turned into a windigo._ _One usually becomes a windigo as punishment for dishonorable or taboo activities, such as engaging in cannibalism due to starvation. According to Shawn Smallman, author of Dangerous Spirits: The Windigo in Myth and History, "it was a means of defining moral social behavior, which could serve as a warning against greed and selfishness." One could also become a windigo if a shaman cursed them or if they dreamed of the windigo. The myth was also used to explain mental illness and other serious afflictions._

A cannibal born from greed.

She remembers the time when she would be so greedy with her money, her space, and the other things. She cared less about how much Dean sacrificed for her or how her Dad tried to become the Father she needed, she pushed them away because she didn't see how much they sacrificed until they were gone...

Her greed caused her so much.

* * *

 _ **Dead In The Water...**_

* * *

Drowning.

How many times has she felt it? When the pressure got too much that she drowned or downed, sinking into the dark abyss with nothing left to blame but herself and the calls she made to sacrifice those people who didn't even deserve to see the darker side of life. "Sam, are you alright?" Andrea asked as she saw the brunette sighing deeply. "... I wish I could say that I'm alright..." Sam knew better than to lie.

The way Sam leaned on the side or the way the light reflected on her eyes, Andrea knew that those eyes have seen horror despite how young Sam is, the huntress saw things that could make a grown man beg for mercy. She and her brother saved her son and herself, it was a twisted event that claimed not only her late husband but her Father and their family friend's family.

Karma was surely a bitch.

"Sammy, you alright?" When they drove away from the town, Dean took noticed how quiet Sam was. "... Dean, I'm just worried about Dad." She replied and inclined her head to the side, it's been weeks and there wasn't a single sign of their Father except for the journal...

Sam then paused. "Dean, do you remember that there's a part of Dad's journal that was ripped off?" She asked and the gears in her head were turning since she thought of Adam. "Yeah, what about it?" He asked a bit puzzled by Sam's sudden change of mood. _'Must be that time of the month.'_ He thought and watched as Sam dug through the backseat to get the journal. The driver-in-question tried to avert his eyes as he saw a nicely shaped thing on the mirror.

Sister or not, Sammy did have a nice plump behind.

"Quick question, Sammy... How many times has your ass been slapped?" The time-traveler that turned female groaned. "Far too many times and for the record, I gave them the nutcracker so you don't have to threaten anyone on my account." She replied and cheered a bit when she found the journal but her victory was short when she felt a burning sensation on her ass, she was sure there was a handprint there.

"Did you just slap my ass?!"

* * *

Before they headed to Minnesota.

Sam knew that they needed to finish off the demon causing trouble in the airport, she bemoaned that she couldn't use the angel blade or Ruby's knife much less the demon gun that she was accustomed to, it was back to basics with the incantations, holy water, Devil's Trap and salt... Pounds of salt. This was really it, this was a redo of everything that's ever happened in her previous life, it felt nice for once.

"Dean... we may have a demon on our hands." She replied as she showed him the sulfur-like material and he cussed. "What do we do when we're fifty-thousand feet from the ground?" He asked and his face set on the familiar scowl. "We do what we do best, gank it or at least exorcise it." She replied calmly and gave him the look of _'what-do-you-expect?'_ Dean had to commend Sam for her calmness, he missed hunting with his sister but before he could go down that road.

They have a demon to gank and a plane full of people to save.

* * *

 _This_ _ **INTERLUDE**_ _is brought to you by the leading stars of_ **Casa Erotica's** new _hit series..._

 ** _You Kill Me With A Kiss_** **_&_** **_My Forbidden Fruit_**

 _Dean Smith & Samantha Wesson_

 _"I can't... Dean, you're my brother." She gasped feeling those hands grope her ass and the hot mouth teasing her sensitive neck. "You told me... You would do anything for me, Sammy and what I want is you under me and screaming to the heavens with my name." He said as he hastily unbuttoned her flannel top while his other hand didn't waste time in teasing her bra-clad chest..._ _"Oh Dean...this is wrong but why does it feel so right?" She asked while Dean hummed in appreciation of seeing Sam all red and wanton for him-_

"CUT!" The two actors stopped and as the cameras were being adjusted, they gave a bit laugh despite being underdressed sitting on the bed with a cold beer. "I never thought we'd be doing a scene together so soon." She said while Dean gave her his signiture flirty smile. "I had to pull a few strings and bribe a few people since you were only in town for a few days." "Wanna go out for a beer sometime?"

 _That was a sneek preview of what's to come in the future so stay tune!_ _WE NOW COMMENCE TO OUR REGULAR PROGRAM_

 ** _The Choices We Make..._**

* * *

They were here in Minnesota.

"Mind telling me why we're in the middle of no-town, Minnesota?" Dean asked as he saw Sam sitting on Baby's hood with a bunch of papers. "I'm just...following a hunch, Dean." She replied softly and she did research on the Milligan family to confirm her curiosities and even printed out a copy of a birth certificate. "A hunch about what?" She looked up seeing the frustrated look Dean had when there was something she knows and he didn't.

"First of all, I need you to calm down." She said and Dean knew something was up seeing how serious Sam is. "Second of all, did you know we have a brother?" Dean looked as if a bombshell was dropped on him. "We have a what now?" He asked and went over to Sam's side to look at the papers she was fussing about. "I was looking through Dad's journal and saw the ripped pages, normally Dad doesn't rip pages out even if it has inkblots on it so I scavaged where he could possibly hide it and I did, turns out we have a little brother name Adam and he lives with his Mom." She replied and stared at the expressions Dean made whether he'll explode like the last time or...

"The why didn't Dad tell us we have a brother?" It was very unexpected to see Dean _not_ explode but then again this was different, Dad was dead before they even knew Adam was alive or dead... They had to make sure to take care of those ghouls. "Maybe this was Dad's shot of a try in a normal life, Dean and besides... If we're lucky, Dad might be there." She said positively and in her mind.

She knew family is important, she couldn't let this opportunity pass wherein she could actually help raise Adam.

Not like the last time.

"I sure hope you're right about this, Sam," Dean uttered as they drove near the house, the two siblings saw a woman and her son sitting on the front porch, Sam catalogued their reactions and how surprised and shocked the Milligans were when the Winchester siblings exited the car and walked towards them in a slow, uneasy manner.

"Are you Kate and Adam Milligan?" Dean asked gruffly as always, Sam took noticed how Kate shielded Adam but despite how wary the mother is of them, she stood to protect her son first. "Yes, yes we are, who are you?" Adam asked warily as he held Dean's stare...

Thankfully, Sam took reign before Dean's temper did.

"I'm Sam Winchester and this is my older brother, Dean Winchester. We're John's kids too." She said and gave her brother the look while the two Milligans eased a bit but they were a bit defensive. "I have siblings?" Adam asked surprised while Sam chuckled a bit. "Yeah, you do. We just found about you through Dad's Journal." Dean thought that Sam was treating this way too lightly and way too easy.

They were different than Adam but...

Seeing how at ease his sister was, he couldn't place it but somehow there was an invisible weigh on her shoulder that seemed to been have lifted. "Why didn't Dad tell us about this?" He asked while Sam sighed. "Do you want to go inside for a bit?" Kate offered the siblings. "We...wouldn't want to impose." Dean wanted to protest but knew that it was overstepping his boundaries. "It's alright, why don't you tell me about Dad?" Adam insisted as he noticed how Sam and Dean were a bit hesitant but he couldn't blame them, if he was in their shoes, he'd be wary himself.

"Ms. Milligan..." Sam started as they were both in the kitchen while Adam and Dean were in the living room discussing about baseball. "Please...just call me Kate." Kate offered Sam a cold beer while she was grateful for it, she was a bit troubled. "We know that we may have imposed so I apologize but... Did Dad happen to pass by?" She asked while Kate gave a confused look. "Why don't you just contact him?" Sam sighed deeply and put the bottle on the counter. "It's a bit more complicated than that... Does Adam know about this?" She indicated herself and Dean while Kate just sighed.

"John's been teaching him how to shoot a gun and the basics of defense but other than that... Nothing." She and Sam looked at the two Winchesters-by-blood boys. "They have a lot more in common than they both realize," Sam said out loud watching Dean and Adam interact. She knew that being a female warranted some sort of barrier between her and her brother, it stings a bit but maybe it's for the best...

Dean, despite his initial wariness before, seemed much more at ease with Adam's presence. The light in Dean's eyes was bright and despite the horrors of the Hunter life, it held it's optimism and she'd like to make sure it stays that way but she was way over her head.

The preparation for the Apocalypse has never been so close and so many players were yet to be revealed.

But there was a bigger war coming and the Apocalypse would pale in comparison to the war she'd experienced.


	7. Chapter 7

_Even though I know what's wrong_  
 _How could I be so sure_  
 _If you never say what you feel, feel_  
 _I must have held your hand so tight_  
 _You didn't have the will to fight_  
 _I guess you needed more time to heal_ _Baby, I just ran out of band-aids_  
 _I don't even know where to start_  
 _'Cause you can bandage the damage_  
 _You never really can fix a heart_

 _ **\- Fix a Heart by Demi Lovato**_

* * *

Nightmares.

Those things never ceased to plague her every night, it was like Mystery Spot all over again but this time, it was replaying all of her mistakes and the deaths of the people she could've saved but she failed in regards of saving. She lost herself and drowned in the shadows, she didn't ask for this or want the demon blood in her system but it seems like Fate couldn't stop being a bitch for a lifetime.

 **Abomination**.

It was an ugly word that she labeled herself due to what the majority thought of her, Sam Winchester... The Girl With The Demon Blood. She didn't want it in her system, it was laughable at how those beings who were supposed to represent goodwill and mercy turns out to be a big bag of dicks with a deep seeded prejudice without even getting to know who the person truly is. A mud monkey is what those angelic assholes labeled the human kind, the new baby and prized creation of God, flawed beings that will just destroy Earth. Being jealous of Dean's luck with the angelic assholes was childish but it cut her deep, she prayed to those beings and asked for guidance and all they did was mock her and constantly remind her that she was and always will be an **_abomination_**.

"Sam!" She jumped a bit and looked at Dean. "W-what is it?" The stutter made Dean worry a bit for Sam because of the past week, she was distant and he even caught tears but said nothing because he knew she was going to tell him sooner or later. "You alright? You've been spacing out." His green hues stared at the road but momentarily glanced at Sam, she seemed more disheveled than usual and the bags under her eyes looked more bruised.

"... A bad dream, Dean..." It was the same answer and Dean knew it was something else either Sam was hiding it because she didn't want to be called out for her more estrogen side or it was _that_ dream. The rest of the car ride was cloaked in dead silence which made Sam dive deeper into those thoughts of not existing at all, she knew the challenges up ahead but how can she change it?

What consequences would happen if she began changing events and saving those lives?

"Hello, crappy motel," Dean said as they entered the skeevy motel room. "I'm heading to the diner and getting some grub, want anything else besides your rabbit food?" She gave him a bitchface look when Dean would say that since she prefers the healthier stuff than those heart attack inducing grease food that he loves so much. "Just some cake or pie if they have some, Dean." She replied and he nodded then headed out leaving her all alone.

She can't stand being apart from Dean but being with him everywhere wasn't healthy much less morally-accepted but how can she stay away from the person who sacrificed so much for her? Pieced her back together and evidently, died for her. It was honestly bullshit to think Dean thinks of himself as low when compared to her, she was scum and she wasn't worth much unless she was saving the world but Chuck told her that everything has its consequences.

It was getting harder to breathe.

 _Please, God, send someone... anyone to save me, I'm lost and I just want to be found._

* * *

In the past life, she remembered everything clear as day.

The list of fucked up things that Sam Winchester did.

 **\- Got his Mother killed.**

 **\- Disappointed the remainder of his family and left.**

 **\- Got the girl he wants to marry killed.**

 **\- Disappointed his brother.**

 **\- Got his Dad killed.**

 **\- Got his brother to sell his soul so that he could be brought back to life.**

 **\- Lied to his brother.**

 **\- Got addicted to something that destroyed him.**

 **\- An abomination in Heaven's eyes.**

 **\- Killed Lilith and started the Apocalypse.**

 **\- Lucifer got out of the Cage.**

 **\- Said** ** _Yes_** **to Lucifer.**

 **\- Bobby got hurt.**

 **\- Innocent people died.**

 **\- Bobby died.**

 **\- Dean and Cas died.**

 **-** ** _He shouldn't have existed._** ** _Existence._**

She's pretty sure she could keep the ball rolling on the poor choices she made and she thought of making, it was unfair but who was she to bitch about it when she clearly deserved the full brunt of it, heck, she might deserve even more for the mounting disappointment she added at every turn and now... She was looking back at all those mistakes and what she did was let out a sigh.

Even the cooling seats of the park bench didn't elevate her spirits because she thought poorly of herself and how she thought she deserved all of this Hell.

It was honestly heartbreaking to see everything again, all those poor choices were fixed but not everything was as it seems. She held her brother at a distance and their dangerous codependence was in the middle rather in the danger zone, she was afraid to be dependent on Dean again because her enemies... _their_ enemies would use it against them and as much as she held Dean close to her heart and soul, she will not allow it to break them to the point where everything would be a dangerous cycle. Sam wanted to talk to Dean, to tell him _everything_ so they could avoid it, to tell how _sorry_ she was for the mistakes she had done, for all of the sins she had committed and how she robbed Dean his apple pie life because of her existence.

John would not have been a hunter if Mary hadn't died.

If she could only take those awful events back, she would do so in a heartbeat. It was already dark but she didn't feel scared or anything remotely close to it because she knew what lurks in the dark and she was prepared for it but she wasn't prepared for the onslaught of emotions attacking her and the tears that clouded her eyes and how pitiful sobs were escaping her lips and her body was shaking like a leaf.

She was vulnerable and she prayed that someone catches her before she falls into deep.

"Are you alright?" She tried to compose herself, she honestly did but when she caught a glimpse of those whiskey shot eyes, she was dead in shock of who it was.

"I'd say I was but I'm hardly in the shape to lie." She replied and sniffled a bit while the stranger took out his handkerchief and patted her tears away. "Boyfriend cheated on you?" He asked with a quirk of his lips while she, honest to God, chuckled. "If it were so, I wouldn't be here because I'd be there stopping my brother from mutilating the guy that'll be considered a crossbreed of Freddy Krueger and Jason's victims." She replied dryly while he grinned, it was achingly familiar and it seemed too good to be just a dream.

"Let me guess, no boyfriend since birth?" He asked and just sat at the unoccupied park bench beside her. "None, never interested nor invested my time and it'll be considered a miracle if it did happen." She replied and he snorted. "Even I'd call that bullshit."He replied while she chuckled, strained but it was genuine. "Funny, my friend told me the same thing but hey, I live a complicated life." Sam watched the man's reaction and noticed his profile, it was _exactly_ the same as before and it was aching to see and she prayed to God that he won't know because it'll be one hell of a conversation. "Complicated, baby doll? I'm the poster boy for complications so lay it on me!" Her lips did a slight twitch and sighed. "Why the hell would I tell a stranger, you could be a killer with Hannibal Lector-like qualities?" She replied with a bit snark but it didn't much heat into it that the stranger laughed.

"Babydoll, the only I'll be eating is that sexy ass of yours if you'd allow me to but I'm no cannibal, I like 'em alive and kicking with a dash of screams 'O pleasure and this and that. "He stated boldly while she felt a blush creeping up her cheeks and neck. "You're adorable~" He teased while she gave him the signature Bitchface as Dean so likes to call it while the stranger gave her a cocky grin. "It's Sam Winchester or Sam, not Baby Doll." She said while the guy took her hand and kissed the back of her hand and gave the perfect gentleman smile.

As if.

She knew better.

"Loki, just Loki and nice to meet you, Babydoll."

* * *

What happens when God answers your prayer with a familiar figure?

Sam found herself walking down the starlit night with none other than, Loki who is actually Gabriel, the youngest and beloved Archangel of the Heavenly Host talking about the strangest things to philosophies that sounds so complicated but when given a nice and simple comparison, it was easier to understand and comprehend. "You're a Psych major then?" He asked with interest but in the back of her mind, she snorted since he knew full well what she majored in and who her family is and what they exactly do.

"Yeah..." She reminisced her days back in Stanford, the normality of it but she couldn't deny that the normality felt so foreign to her since she knew the consequences of the apple pie life, it didn't end well and it never does because that life wasn't just meant for her. Skipping past other topics, she felt at ease especially the personal ones but Gabriel had to bring out a topic she held close to her heart and soul...

Lucifer.

"Why are you asking me about this?" She asked evenly while he shrugged. "Most people would have biased opinions and it's rare to find open-minded individuals." Sam knew it was a partial truth and there was some sort of agenda since Gabriel loves his brothers, he was especially close with Lucifer and even after Lucifer's Fall, he loves his brother. "Personally, I admire how bold he was when he was the first beings to represent _Free Will_ to God of all people, he was the favored son and he chooses to stand against the Father that he loves so dearly because they had different points of view. It was also disappointing that Lucifer decided to end it in bloodshed rather than talk it out, he made valid points that humanity is nothing but flawed that will destroy what God has created but as Lucifer had valid points, he also was wrong. Humanity represents the various choices as a person could make from the good, the bad and the ugly. Humans were born with a choice like every sentient being, we just represent it, some stand out while others follow like mindless soldiers." She said and risked a glance at the youngest Archangel who looked at her with a look akin to fascination.

"You're different, Babydoll and not the bad kind." He said while she gave him a smile. "Being different is better than hiding a part of yourself or running away from the truth, Loki." She replied softly and stared ahead missing the shocked expression that passed by his face. "How would you know?" She expected him to be defensive and deep in denial why she shrugged. "I don't know, I'm not God that's for sure but I know what I am and what I am is human. A human being capable of love, happiness, and mistakes that I own up so I can be a better person than yesterday's regret." Sam said and felt something lifted from her and sighed.

"And if you're wrong about your assumptions?" He asked and for some reason, she detected some sort of crack in his tone but ignored it for the sake of this talk, she kept it to herself. "Then I was wrong. who am I to force my opinions on someone who has their own set of beliefs." She said and gave a sideward glance at the man beside her, he looked lost and two different emotions fighting. For the first time, she got a glimpse of the Gabriel who was at lost when his family broke off.

"What do I feel like we've switch roles?" He asked and she shrugged. "I'm still the crying damsel and you're a man obviously dealing with his own baggage, no roles were switched since we're both in a position where we don't know what to do and hope for guidance." And handed him his handkerchief but he shook his head. "Keep it, I have tons of it, Babydoll." She pocketed it but felt something else in her pocket and her eyes widened.

"Oh shit, what time is it?" Loki looked amuse at the frantic brunette who took out her phone which had seventeen unread messages and eight missed calls all from the same person that is sure to give her an earful when she returns to the motel room. Ï enjoyed our talk, truly but I gotta jet before my brother contracts an aneurysm." She said frantically while Loki gave her his signature smirk and rather than giving her his disappearing act or some smartass comment, he took her hand and gave a kiss.

"I know a thing or two about brothers and their protectiveness, I enjoyed our talk, Samshine, until next time."

Gabriel watched the supposed _Girl With The Demon Blood_ as she ran back to her brother, how wrong were his brothers and sisters were. She wasn't what they deemed even he could sense the purity and sincerity behind the words that were spoken with complete honesty, she was pure and bright, she was his brother's vessel and he couldn't deny how closely similar they are. Their words would draw attention and they have this unearthly pull that even he was threatened to get into...

Unlike Lucifer, Sam was hopeful for her race and she gives the benefit of the doubt...

She wasn't an abomination as the others labeled her to be and he enjoyed talking to her, she has her wit and wasn't bad on the eyes, her soul shines and he was afraid for her because souls like hers were in constant danger because there are those who would like to taint it and twist it for their own amusement, he looked towards the general direction she ran. Behind the body lies a soul so strong, so pure and bright that there was no mistaking how she was truly made for being Lucifer's vessel.

It was such a waste.

Lucifer would only destroy her to fulfill a prophecy. He was glad that Heaven was wrong in their assumptions on the Righteous Man's sister because years ago he would stay remotely far away from anything that would be related to his former home but for the first time in a long time, he felt his Father's presence and it led him here and found the weeping sister who suffers from dark thoughts and whatever his Father wanted was related to Sam Winchester. He should be pissed-poor angry at the Father who left them in ruins, who let it escalate to the point where there was a wedge deeper than the pit itself between the brothers but for some reason, his reasoning sounded petulant and childish, there was a bigger picture here and he has trouble seeing it.

He would leave it for now because another thing boggles his mind.

Why can't he read Sam Winchester's mind?

 ** _Your prayer has been answered, Sam Winchester._**

* * *

Dean was mad, no, mad was putting it lightly.

He was livid and it was not helping her emotional case. "Do you have any idea how worried I was?!" He shouted while she stood her ground and met his livid stare. "Dean, you of all people know what I'm _exactly_ going through and you know how it's not easy despite how I always tell you, this freaky visions are one thing but do you have any idea how it feels like to remember their deaths, the deaths I could've prevented if we have gotten there on time, Dean... You don't know, I get that you're worried about the situation, about that Dad is missing and how the Yellow-Eyed demon is involved in all of this." She replied calmly as she could but even Dean could see how she's barely restraining herself.

How her eyes were being consumed by the golden specs.

"I'm a freak and I get-" She was abruptly cut off when Dean had both of his hands on her shoulders and gave her a good shake for good measures. "Is this what this is about? Are you thinking that I thought of you as a freak, Sam? I don't see you as a fucking freak unless it comes to being clean, you are **not** like Max, Sam. You know what I think about this situation? Crap, you heard me crap. You're beating yourself up for the things you could've fixed but you have no control over it, the point is, we can't save everyone but-"

"We can try to save as many as we can, I know. It's just... I don't know what to do, Dean and I'm scared." She said and covered her face with her hands, she was fortunate enough to be sitting on the bed while Dean was standing in front of her. _'She's right, I don't know but that doesn't mean I can try.'_ He groused mentally and sighed. "Sam... Sammy, you know I'm your big brother, right?" Dean heard her mumbled replied with an _'Obviously'_ and he tried to calm himself down by mentally counting to ten. "And you know that I'm nothing more than a High School graduate with six dollars to my name so I don't know the shit that's going on unless you tell me what the hell is wrong because there are times when I know shit and there are times when I screw things up." He said while Sam peaked through her fingers and saw how frustrated how Dean looked at the situation.

"Dean we'll find Dad and we'll get the answers we need soon enough."

She prayed to God that the confrontation between all three Winchesters wouldn't result in a bloodbath.

* * *

Cannibals.

Sick and twisted human beings with a penchant for hunting and also a step away from being a Wendigo or something much worse. It gave her a nasty feeling in the inside and watched as a child was twisted into something so horrific, she prayed for their souls, what kind of madness drove innocent beings into something so monstrous. She and Dean shared a look when the policewoman released them.

"Take care, you two." She said while Sam smiled at the valiant effort the woman tried to be intimidating whilst caring. "We will, Officer and take care of yourself." She and her brother disappeared because that's one of few things they were good at, make an impact on someone's life and leave. "Want me to drive?" She offered while Dean grunted in agreement and while Dean was resting, Sam was deep in thought.

She knew that Meg was waiting for them and it was nothing more than a trap for Dad.

Azazel wasn't anywhere near Chicago so instead, she sent a message to her Father that she heard of a rumor that his former mentor, Daniel Elkins had the legendary Colt made by Samuel Colt, it was better that they were nowhere near each other because it spells disaster and she tried to keep one of those haunting thoughts at bay but she couldn't deny it further when it's right in front of her.

It was almost time.

She wished she had more time, to be just Sam, to be with her brother, to be with her Father and her Uncle but really? Who was she kidding? She wasn't exactly fooling anyone when it was almost time to fulfill God's plan for her...

She still wasn't fixed.

"Oh God... what do I do now?"


	8. Chapter 8

_I am lost in the dark_  
 _Wanna be where you are_  
 _So hard to keep it together_  
 _When you pulled me apart_  
 _Haunted by your disguise_  
 _Disappeared with the light_  
 _Days and nights feel like forever_  
 _All my innocence has died, has died_  
 _Have you ever seen the sun?_  
 _Have you ever seen the stars?_  
 _I've seen them before in your eyes_  
 _After the heartbreak_  
 _Frozen somewhere in time_  
 _Have you ever seen the stars?_  
 _I've seen them before in your eyes_  
 _Ah-ah-ah-ah_  
 _Ah-ah-ah-ah_  
 _Ah-ah-ah-ah (Frozen somewhere in time)_

 ** _\- After the Heartbreak by Brielle Von Hugel_**

* * *

Oddities.

They were a common thing in the daily life of Sam Winchester and one thing that's making her Hunter side itch but waking up with a plastic spoon in her mouth and her brother waking her up in a rude manner by blasting the radio on and he somehow snapped a picture, which she reminded herself that she will delete. "Not funny, jerk." She grumbled while her words hold no heat, Dean merely smirked and laughed on.

Sam saw the rare carefree side of her brother.

He was much better with a smile on. "Take a picture, Sammy. Immortalize your brother's beauty!" He kidded while she snorted and cracked her neck to ease the kinks. "Uncle Bobby is easier on the eyes than you'll ever be, Dean." She took great pride in seeing his brother splutter and nearly crashed them to an oncoming car. "Dean! Try not to get us killed while you're at it!" She shouted and hit her brother's shoulder slightly.

"You're a demanding bitch, I pity the guy that wants your sorry ass."

"How can I even get a guy when you keep on scaring them with your face and the shotgun, overprotective jerk?"

The older Winchester smirked knowingly, it's not because he wants Sam to be single for life, maybe he wants to but that was in the deepest part of his mind, he's not making it easier for any guy because like all overprotective brothers, the poor bastard needs to prove himself whether he's worthy or not for his little Sammy because he's just not gonna sit around and see his sister break her heart for a bastard that wants a shag.

And he also wants to see whether Sam is willing to go through hell for the guy as the guy is going through hell for her.

Can't say he tried to ensure his little sister would stay single, he wasn't a saint himself to tell her off.

"Oh, you have to be kidding me." Dean glanced at his sister who was currently nursing a bad case of bad hair day while looking at her phone. "What happened, Sammy? Date got canceled or your hair decided to text you saying today's the day you're having the worse case of bed-head." Dean said while Sam ignored him and tied her hair in a messy bun and re-read the text.

 **Hey there, Babydoll. Listen, I'm in town for a few days since this God awful thing happened and I decided to crash your road trip with your brother. Where are you and do you want a basket or box full of Willy Wonka's candies?**

It was official.

When you have an Archangel messaging you with the _How you do's?_ of life, you know God is laughing somewhere since you lost a bit of your sanity. "You've been staring at your phone, is it bad?" Dean asked while Sam snorted. "If you mean that my friend, the same friend I told you about who has a thing for sweets like you have for sex wants to crash our _supposed_ road trip to hide from an ex that probably wants to end him, yeah, that bad." She said while Dean, a bit suspicious of the guy felt a sliver of pity for the guy.

Angry exes were a lot worse than demons on any given occasion.

 _On our way to Richardson, Texas. Don't forget to bring pie if you want to be on my brother's good side. Trust me, it's better for everyone's sanity._

She hit send and groaned. "He's on his way to Richardson, Texas and for the love of all things good, Dean. Please don't fight him, he's fairly decent when he wants to be." Sam knew that the bad blood between Gabriel happened due to Gabriel being the Trickster and a major pain in the ass, she wondered what changed? He was far more, dare she use the word, tame? Underneath all of Gabriel's bravado, he was still the youngest and a child-like thinker with the pranks and all. He was the person in the family that's sick and tired of all the crap and decided to pack up and leave because he can't handle the shit anymore.

He tried but evidently, he failed. Gabriel wanted nothing more than to stop it all.

A family should never end in bloodshed but in this case, one life is equivalent to the millions of innocent people.

She understood Gabriel because she lived the experienced, the pain and the sorrow.

Sam faced Gabriel when he was the _Trickster_ , she faced him as the **Mentor** who taught her the most painful lesson of all and that's how to live without her brother, she faced him when he became frustrated at how much she and Dean were denying their destinies... And lastly, she faced Gabriel the _**Archangel**_ who loved his family and his Father's Creations that he died protecting them alongside the brother who redeemed himself, Lucifer.

She knew she had to at least have some dislike or contempt for the Archangel who stuck both Winchester siblings in a time loop and she had to watch Dean die over and over again that it left a psychological dent in her mind but she didn't because she understood that what he did had a reason behind it because underneath his cocky nature and the somewhat _I Don't Care_ attitude that he's projecting, he was jealous of the bond she had with Dean because if humans could do it then why couldn't they do it? Angels especially Archangels act like a bunch of immature kids since Daddy left home.

Just because God left Heaven doesn't mean he's not watching over his children.

Sam sighed deeply and got lost in her own thoughts once more. Dean gave a sideways glance at his sister, the kid he raised was in those moments wherein she was lost and those green hues were deep and dark yet it glistens like emeralds. He honestly blamed Sam for his poetic nature, the damn kid used those puppy eyes of hers to good use and he did well enough to graduate from High School. Sam, Sam... Samantha Evelyn Winchester, his little Sammy that he raised since diaper days was nothing but selfless and kind, smart and his rock.

Was it bad that he depended on Sam on everything? Probably.

He noticed how she closed her eyes and enjoyed the Highway breeze, her hair was in a gorgeous mess and hummed with whatever was playing while drumming her fingers on her lap. Dean lived for moments like this, just him and Sam in the Impala unto the next gank of the week. They didn't need anything fancy except for a cold beer and just being them but despite these happy moments.

Dean knew his sister was hiding things from him and it stung a bit, she always told him that she trusts him inexplicably with no questions asked but why?

He would notice how she slumps as if she was hanging her head in shame or guilt and the bags under her eyes were significantly darker, she would sigh periodically and it was agonizing to see her hang back when they save someone's life, he would take the recognition while she sits idly at the back like an observer. Of course, some people were thankful for Sam as she handles and assesses the situation with ease and the patience of a saint because God knows Dean doesn't have the most tact.

Why does she act as if she doesn't deserve any credit at all?

He was pulled from his thoughts as Sam's phone began to ring.

"Sam Winchester speaking, oh hey- what?" The cordial tone turned to exasperated faster than a minute and Dean noticed how Sam dragged her hand unto her hair and undoing the messy bun. "You have to be joking, don't we have a say in this?" She said almost blankly then the bitchface made its appearance. "Fine, pushy much? I'll see you there." She ended the call and leaned on Dean's shoulder in which the brother raised a brow.

"Dean, did I ever tell you how you're the best big brother a girl could have?" He knew something was up. "Spill it, Sammy." Sam noticed how amused Dean was and huffed. "My friend decided to book a place for us there with him and he has pie, lots of pie." She added the sweet cherry on top while Dean sighed so he tilted his head to the side and gave an acknowledgment that he agreed.

He wouldn't say it out loud but he would do anything for his sister just to see her smile.

Or for her to be happy.

* * *

Hell House and Gabriel.

Ghost ** _fakers_**. Ghostfacers.

Gabriel and Dean.

Hell.

She was not looking forward to the confrontations because she doesn't have an ounce of patience to deal with two wannabe paranormal investigators who are just going to get one of their friend killed for shreds of evidence that normal civilians shouldn't know because God knows that humans act irrationally when fear is in place. "You alright, Sammy?" Dean exited the bathroom with an eased expression. "Peachy keen, Dean." She replied and took her change of clothing to the bathroom. "Don't bother waiting up, Loki is downstairs, so please _try_ not to kill each other." She said and shut the door while the older Winchester muttered something incoherent and exited the room.

Dean was impressed at the amount of luxury the place had, it was a house for rent on the outskirts of town. out of habit, the siblings shared a room in which the host didn't mind but there was a spare room for a just in case situation. This is the type of house that Sammy would've liked, it was homey yet it has this touch of mystery, the walls were colored in a soft pastel brown and covered in books.

He wasn't kidding, one look at the living room and Sam was a kid that got her favorite toy during Christmas.

Sam liked it and if weren't for the fact she needed a shower and rest she would've been cozy on the sofa with a book.

When Dean went to the kitchen, his nose was assaulted with a delicious odor that he gravitated to the smell and saw a short guy wearing a pink apron that said _Kiss The Trickster_ and stared, it was rude but the guy was doing some magic in the kitchen because he's having his goddamn Mickey Mouse _Fantasia_ in the fucking kitchen!

"What the hell?!"

"It's anything but hell, Dean-o! My name's Loki, nice to meet Babydoll's beloved brother!"

* * *

"So your friend is actually _the_ Loki?! The Pagan God?" Dean asked incredulously while Sam sighed for what seems like a hundred time. "Yes, Dean. I knew because he gave me pink hair when we had a guessing game and I lost when we were literally several countries away and last time I check, he was in India, do the maths, Dean... No human can travel that fast even if they did have the technology for it, the effects would be evident on their faces while Loki here isn't even remotely tired." She explained calmly while Gabriel liked that about the younger Winchester.

Big topics such as your friend is a Pagan God seems like a normal conversation.

"And you're okay with this?" Sam wondered how high can Dean raise his voice because he almost sounds like a squirrel. Heh. Squirrel. She hit her head on the marble table with an audible thus where both males took notice. "Dean, I never judged you and I won't start now especially since we're in a _delicate_ situation but so help me God, you even think about ganking one of my decent conversationalist for a friend who is also quite capable of helping us on hunts since he is literally _ancient_ in human terms thus he has knowledge." How she sounded sarcastically calm and exasperated amused Gabriel further.

"Sam- No, absolutely, not, fuck it, Sammy!" Loki saw the younger Winchester raised her but her chin was still on the table and her damp hair framing her face, her eyes were impossibly wide-eyed and teary like a green-eyed puppy accompanied with those pouty lips. Even Gabriel had to applaud the girl for utilizing the gifts given to her so he decided to help her out by adding ears and a tail.

"You're not helping your case," Dean growled at the shorter man while Loki just stood beside Sam and patted her head. "Oh I wasn't helping my case but Babydoll here which is quite adorable and effective, very crafty, young padawan." He commented while Sam aimed a dimple smiled at the praise and the imaginary tail began to wag that Dean knew he lost the case.

"But seriously, Sammy. First, you have the two Vampire kids. Second, you talked with the Werewolf that was munching people out of revenge to just stop because it wasn't worth becoming what they thought he was and now this, your Friends with a Pagan God." It was a cruel thing to do but Sam rarely had the opportunity to see the look of surprise her brother had. "It could be worse, Dean for you know I might go on a date with Lucifer just for kicks." Gabriel could see the humor in that and smirked seeing how the older Winchester paled considerably.

"No, absolutely, not."

* * *

Meeting the two Paranormal Investigators, Ed and Harry are exactly how she imagined them to be, annoying.

Except they had Gabriel with them making the situation even more ridiculous because even he found it annoying which was surprising and she even let out a snort of amusement at the entire ordeal, God was watching this with a bottle of scotch beside him and laughing, she was sure of it. "Is something funny about this? Oh, you're making fun of us now, missy?" Ed was honestly making this worse for him and Harry.

"If you mean at how you basically tried to do an EMF reading when there's still juice in the transformer over there thus making your reading invalid or the fact that you're using equipment that can hardly pick up anything except the snot and pimples on your faces?" She said dryly while the two guys reached for some sort of mirror to check anything on their faces while Dean and Gabriel smirked.

"Babydoll, you're awesome." He gave her a wink while she nodded and Dean gave her a nudge.

"Dean, take a look at that symbol, doesn't it look familiar?" She said while Dean nodded. "Does it rhyme with the Record Shop and Craig?" Sam decided to save them the time and took out their Dad's journal from the small book bag she always keeps with her.

 **1993 May 15**

 _Tulpas created through intense ritual visualizations are known as dubthab. Variation known as dragpoi dubthab is specifically aimed at creating a thought-form with the idea of harming another person. The physical form of tulpas becomes apparent to the senses after the mind can begin to sense its spirit presence. Tulpas that are created, no matter the creator's intent, will gradually turn on the creator. Evans-Wentz wrote that enlightened magicians can destroy tulpas as easily as they can create them; also that those masters can incorporate their spiritual being into the body of another person. It's about the willpower._

"It does make sense since Mordechai Murdoch's M.O keeps changing, your thoughts, Loki?" She asked the quite Pagan God. "These things are tough fuckers to kill and since Dumbo One and Two used the internet to spread it, taking the sigil off is hardly gonna do anything, you gotta burn the place down." Helpful Gabriel was putting Sam in some sort of weird place but she didn't say it was bad, it was just odd.

"Well there's enough flammable things in the basement, come on, Sammy, we got to make it look it something got short-fused."

* * *

It was too good to be in the same reality because it felt like a dream.

This was too good to be a dream because this is a very unfamiliar Gabriel, she was walking on a territory she didn't know how to approach, was it bad that all she keeps dreaming was Gabriel now? The cocky Archangel was still the same but something about him was different and she couldn't place it...

 _"You know, Samsquatch... You'd be much more delicious with a smile than that bitchface." Sam groaned as he tried to ignore the annoying Archangel perched on the counter sucking a lollipop. "I've sucked bigger thing, kiddo~" Great, now he has nightmares. "Don't be like that~" Sam just sighed and finally gave his attention to the Archangel that's been bothering him for the past few minutes._ _"Yes, Gabriel?" He asked in a deadpanned tone while the Trickster merely smiled deviously at him_ _He felt dread pool in his stomach._

 **(Author's Note: If you really want to get the feel of this conversation between Gabriel and Sam, I highly recommend that you listen to this song because it made me tear up as I was writing this part.)**

 **Dear Me by Nicole Nordeman**

Sam remembered how that ended and it was anything but pleasant. "Something on your mind, Babydoll?" Speak of the devil, she was sitting outside out on the patio with a bag of marshmallows, graham crackers, a bar of chocolate and a plate. "If I said I'm okay, would you believe that?" She asked while he snorted and sat beside her and snatched a piece of the newly cooked smores.

"Now the truth, Samshine. What's bothering that pretty little noggin of yours?" She took a nimble bite out of her smores. "You already know that my brother and I are searching for our Dad since he found this lead about the demon that killed our Mother and how my abilities started to manifest and..." She was afraid to tell the Archangel because she didn't know how he'd react, she was afraid to lose something close to Heaven because he's the closest thing she knew she could come close to peace and Paradise.

Gabriel noticed how Sam clammed up and how she looked like what she did at the park they met.

"Sam?" He asked tentatively and the girl just buried her face in her knees, she was hyperventilating. He sighed and used a little amount of grace as he soothed the girl who was obviously suffering from something, he patted her head. It made his own heart ached to see a pure soul suffering, a soul young as a fledging suffer from a baggage that they didn't need to bear. "Oh, Sam..." He said softly as cleared the clutter and embraced the girl.

She stiffened at first then slowly relaxed into his embrace. "Why are you so kind to me, Loki?" She asked hoarsely and Gabriel sighed. "I honestly wish I have an answer for that but I know that you don't deserve tears, Sam. I am not a nice person, I punish those who deserve it. Sam, I don't know what you're going through but I can say, you don't deserve to cry, you are one in a million and seeing it suffer isn't just." He said while Sam gave a humorless laugh.

"You're speaking to the same girl who brought her own Mother's demise, the same girl who robbed a husband of his wife and child of his Mother and his chance of normalcy. The very same girl with _demon blood_ running in her veins, I'm an **abomination** , Loki... I deserve every bit of suffering-" She was abruptly stopped when she lost her voice or was muted then she found herself facing the thunderous expression that only an Archangel is capable of and it shocked her from her stupor.

"Is that what _you_ think, Sam Winchester? You deserve something that you _never_ consented to, kiddo, you hardly see the worth you have because of something you don't exactly have control over. Sam, I'm telling you this once and you better remember this, you **deserve** Paradise like every other soul who fought selflessly and you are kind, Sam, you are very kind that you would risk everything for your family and trust me when I say, you put some celestial beings to shame by staying with your family and fighting for them rather than fighting against them. You are courageous, you are brave and you are loved so unconditionally that you give them strength as they do the same to you. How many people do you think will risk their own lives to protect their family even if they are just half-blood, you shouldn't care yet you did and you risked your own life by taking care of those ghouls for Adam and Kate, what about your friends? The Harvelles and your Uncle, you would let wounds and scars cover you black, blue and red just to protect them."

Gabriel was making it hard for Sam to find a reason to tell him how wrong he was.

"You spared creatures that other Hunters taught or told you to kill on sight, you gave them a chance that no sane Hunter would do. You gave them the faith they have lost and hope that there are people out there who are kind enough to understand, to help them. Do you not see how one act of kindness goes a long way? It started small, Sam but other people are doing it because of _you_ so don't sell yourself short, kiddo. People will cry for you, people will miss you dearly should you fade and if you fall, these people will catch you and remind you that you are **_worth it_** , Sam."

She buried her head in Gabriel's neck.

She didn't want him to see how much his words affected her but she was lying to herself if she thought she could hide it from him. "I'm here, Babydoll, I'm here..." Gabriel looked up and saw the worried gaze of a certain green-eyed freckled Winchester brother. Dean felt like he intruded something so personal and sacred but his duty as Sam's older brother stopped him from leaving so he took a step forward, he didn't care if Sam had demon blood, he didn't care about the loss of normalcy or the apple pie life because that life would seem incomplete without Sam.

What he did care about was how Sam saw herself, his little angel was suffering and he knew Loki felt his own inner turmoil.

Gabriel motioned the brother to come close and he did, he sat an inch away from Sam, afraid of her reaction to his intrusion that he was surprised when got latched on by the same brunette who was like a leech to the Trickster a few seconds ago. "Sammy... Did I ever tell you how happy I was when I found out I was going to be a big brother? I was like a damn hyperactive puppy going back and forth the nursery, to Mom's stomach and baby-proofing the house. I was making sure the house was safe for you and when I first saw you through the viewing glass, you put that tiny hand on the glass as you saw me and I felt happy that I boasted it for weeks, Dad had to bribe me to shut up. When you came home, the first time I ever held you, you clung to me with an iron grip that I panicked since I didn't know how to hold you properly but thank God, you fell asleep so Mom took you while Dad was giving me advice on how to hold you properly." Sam made a sigh while Dean ran a hand through her hair.

"You weren't fussy as a baby so Mom and Dad were thankful, they would call you their little Angel. You were happy when you were cuddled, when Dad was feeding you or Mom was singing you a lullaby or when I was reading you a storybook. You would curl up next to me when you were having a bad dream and all I would do is pull you closer then you'd calm down and when you started babbling, Mom and Dad would always coo when you called me De. You made every day happy for all of us... Even when Mom was gone, you held us close and kept us safe, you're our angel, Sammy." He said as sincere as he could and just held his sister.

He was afraid that if he let go, she might fall.

Gabriel watched how Dean eased his sister, he watched how the older brother eased the suffering of his sibling and he wondered was this how Michael and Lucifer were before Raphael and he came, were they this close? He sighed and stood up then stood before the two, he was at a lost. These two are supposed to start the Apocalypse because it was their Father's will as Michael puts it but when he looks at the two human beings, he felt protective of them especially for Sam.

She didn't want this and neither did Dean.

But Heaven and Hell need their key players to start the end of the world.

But he knew whatever was thrown at their way these two would survive because their bond was strong and the question is, where does he stand?

Will he flee or fight?


	9. Chapter 9

_Take a look past our innocence,_ _take a step back to yesterday_  
 _When life would move slower,_ _we would never grow up_  
 _All we knew that love was for when we're older_ _Anything could happen, secretly imagine_  
 _They could never tear us apart_ _too young to fall_ _This is our story that we could take back some day_  
 _Our lonely glory that we could get back they say_  
 _This is our story that we could get back some day_  
 _Our hope if only that we could take back someday_

 ** _\- Our Story by Mako_**

* * *

Warmth.

That was the first sensation she felt when she woke up and it felt safe that she was blanketed with such that it felt overwhelming then there was something on her head, a hand on her head when she heard a sigh to the side, she tried to blink away the blurriness and saw those whiskey shot eyes staring back at her. Gabriel was sitting on a chair with his hand on her head. "Don't tell me you stayed there all night?" She asked softly so she wouldn't wake Dean, who acted as her pillow and blanket.

Gabriel merely hummed. "Don't flatter yourself, kiddo, kidding. You were having a nightmare and Dean-O here decided to be the world's biggest brother by being a teddy bear and started to hum you a song. You calmed down a bit but you were still struggling so I decided to help out, quite a nightmare there, Babydoll." He said and while Sam felt thankful, she also felt bad that she caused this trouble. Gabriel must have noticed her expression and snapped his fingers, she found herself seated on his lap while there was a big body pillow that replaced her spot at Dean's side.

And he lifted her.

She did **not** squeak, she swears it.

But the smirk on Gabriel's face indicated that he won't be letting this go anytime soon.

Sam found it funny that a guy who is five foot six or was it seven? Was carrying her with such ease and she was five foot ten! If anyone saw them now it's a ridiculous sight but she just sighed and laid her head on his shoulder, she couldn't fathom how she ended in Gabriel's arms in all of the places, out of all the people, Gabriel caught her... What did she do to deserve this? She wasn't Dean, she wasn't the Righteous Man by a stretch.

She was nothing compared to her brother.

Gabriel took a glance at the woman in his arms who was lost in her thought. Her soul is beautiful, it was bright and pure that reflected her physical look.

How come that this beautiful soul sees herself as lowly when she walks into a room, even he could see something in her, the aura alone was magnetizing. Father above, he noticed that everything about Sam is perfect and by human standards, she would make those models seethe in envy and she wasn't even trying! It was infuriating, what did she ever do to deserve this?

They were outside.

Back where the bonfire is lit and the stars were shining like a thousand diamonds. "What time is it?" She asked while Gabriel placed her on the blanketed ground that just appeared and he sat behind her, she stiffened at first but relaxed soon after. "It's 5:30 AM and the sunrise is a few minutes away." They sat in silence and Sam was confused, scared and lost because this was unfamiliar.

This was a Gabriel that she never experienced. "Relax Babydoll, I won't do anything to you unless you beg me to." Despite her initial feelings, she deadpanned at the flirty Archangel and she thought Balthazar was bad, Gabriel was on a whole new level. "Sam, I don't know what to do to let you see or feel that you are anything but an abomination. Don't think I can't see it in your eyes, you have to find it in yourself that you are _special_ Sam, you have to learn to accept the good things that come in your way don't let those bad things rule you, you are very beautiful, Babydoll, seeing you beat yourself up would make an angel cry." He said sincerely and Sam felt something hard lodged in her heart and throat.

Why was it so hard to accept his words?

Right. If he only knew the past, the past she lived and fucked up constantly.

Then she felt something cover her. "Close your eyes, Babydoll." He said softly while she did so, she listened intently and she heard his heartbeat, it was loud. _'What's he nervous about?'_ She thought and there was another rustle, the familiar rustle of feathers and she jerked a bit in surprise because Gabriel was wrapping his wings around her! The warmth of being covered by an angel's wings, Archangel's wings was something else.

It felt intimate.

Safe. Protected and Loved.

Those were the emotions swirling inside of her. "Just relax, Sam...If I can't get through to you by saying it then I'm going for option two." He said and it was divine, he was doing something and it was like someone was pouring warm water unto her cold and tainted soul, she felt those torn pieces mend with those hands piecing it delicately and he was murmuring something in her ear, it was the same as what Castiel has spoken to her before, in old Enochian.

But somehow she understood what he said.

 _"Beloved daughter whose heart is pure and bright, your heart is shadowed with grief and plight. Take your worries to the sky as I lift you high, let your sorrows go and let your tears dry for someone so beloved as you to suffer, the blue sky dims and the gray clouds cover the land with darkness. Let me lift your sorrow, beloved daughter of the Father, let the gray clouds part to show the sun once more upon the lands."_

It was beautiful.

Every word spoken was beautiful even though she understood it in plain English, Gabriel uttered every syllable in the perfect Enochian dialect was soothing, it was lyrical and harmonious that even her soul sang with glee and for the first time in this new life, she slowly accepted the healing he was giving to her because she let go of the fears and doubts that ruled over her.

For this brief moment, before the Hell starts, she'll allow this.

Gabriel smiled as Sam gradually relaxed and he felt relieved that she has her eyes closed, she didn't even attempt to open her eyes and she accepted the peace he had to offer. He knew he took a big risk by materializing his wings for just one human being, his decades of secrets laid bare before her yet she didn't ask...

"You gave me peace, my friend, I won't ask you to tell me anything because I'm better off not knowing but if you need someone to be your friend, I'm here just as you are here for me."

They let the embrace linger for a while and before Gabriel retracted his wings, he plucked one golden feather from it and he let his wings return to the place where it was hidden. He then snapped his fingers and formed a Triquetra Dreamcatcher Feather, he even etched protective sigils around it and the wing itself has a few diamond studs but he's sure Sam won't make a fuss about it much.

"Perfect," He said and secure the necklace on Sam's neck.

"You can open your eyes now, Babydoll." Feeling a bit languid was expected and it Sam a while to function normally and her eyes landed on the necklace she felt that was placed on her. "You know you didn't have to do this..."She said while Gabriel just ruffled her already bird nest of a hair. "I know but I wanted to..." After a few minutes, they both stood up and watched as the sky slowly turned into an array of colors signifying a new day.

"Let's go make some breakfast before your brother goes Hulk on us."

* * *

Making breakfast was surprisingly calm.

That's what Sam thought as Gabriel taught her how to cook the dishes he collected over the years and it was absolutely... Domestic. "Any idea when your brother is going to wake up?" He asked as he was adding the finishing touch to the breakfast feast. "I'll go and wake up him, no worries." She flashed him a smile and headed out towards the room where she shared with Dean.

She hummed a simple song and let her mind wander.

Gabriel was something else entirely, she knew she was repetitive with that thought but it was a reoccurring thought that never leaves because she never had an answer. It wasn't anything bad but what scares her the most, what if he grows tired and promptly disappears, she lightly slapped her cheek to wake up from the spiraling dark thought before she gets consumed by it. When she got to the door, she opened it as silently and took a peek only to see Dean drying off.

"Morning, Dean." She mused as she saw Dean jumped in shock. "Christ, Sammy! Make a noise would you." He grumbled while Sam closed the door behind her and chuckled. "Breakfast is ready, get it while it's hot while I clean up." She said as she took her necessity bag and a spare towel from the closet but before she entered the bathroom.

"Dean?"

"What is it, Sammy?"

Dean was surprised at first but when his mind registered what was happening, he smiled even without Sam seeing it. His sister was pressed behind his bare back and her arms wrapped behind him, he felt her soft breathing on his bare back and he tilted his head back and they stayed like that for a while...

"Take a bath, bitch, you stink.

"Whatever, jerk."

They were both smiling as the door closed behind Sam.

* * *

 _ **"The way you two keep sacrificng yourself for each other, nothing good comes out of it... just blood and pain..."**_

Those words echoed in her mind as the warm water cascaded down her body, she wanted to deny Gabriel's words or tell him that they tried so hard to prevent it from happening but she can't because that Gabriel is dead alongside his brothers instead, she has this Gabriel...

She had to be careful because she almost slipped.

Sam closed her eyes and sighed contentedly as those waters helped to wash away the stress...

Just forget for now...

 _For now._

 _'Dear God, this is Sam Winchester... again. I want to say thank you for sending Gabriel but I wonder, why him of all Angels? Why is he different or is he normally like this? I'm honestly confused but I won't ask or force answers... I'm asking for strength, for patience... You and I both know what's going to happen soon and all I ask is for everyone that I care and love about to be protected. I pray that they find it in their hearts to forgive me.'_

When she was done, she toweled herself and for the first time in a long time...

She took a good long look at what Gabriel sees or deems as _Beautiful_. She looks alright from her perspective, her hair is long and her skin is lightly tanned due to being outside often but her eyes, they weren't brown anymore but bright green with golden specs, it seems so unrealistic because those golden reminded her of the familiar necklace hanging around her neck. Her body shape wasn't petite as before since now it had a bit of an athletic side that was fit for a Hunter, slim and lean with enough mass.

After she ogled herself.

Sam wore her standards underneath, well, as far as every male in her family knows she's a simple girl but like in her first life, underwear is something a thrift shop cannot be shopped at due to so many hygienic reasons, it made her shiver to think of using it and as much as Walmart has the cheap stuff, she couldn't accept that it won't last long because usually cheap things in a hunter's lifestyle usually never last and the amount of time they change in a day was staggering.

It might be a little petty but this was one of the few luxuries she allows herself without feeling guilty.

Silk and Lace.

God, she was such a girl.

She deadpanned.

She just outed herself. Great.

* * *

Dean and Loki were locked in a serious staredown.

"I don't know what your intentions are but if you harm her, will find a way to gank you, Pagan God or not." He said while Gabriel would normally tell him off with his flippant attitude but he also added in his mind that this was the very person who was supposed to be his older brother's vessel but that was a minor reason for him, the major reason was this was the very person who raised sweet little Samshine, this uncouth, brutish womanizer with an alcoholic stint a mile long but he raised Sam, the well-mannered and sweet sacrificing Sam.

"What if I told you that I cleared the demon blood from her veins, Dean-O? Still going to gank me?" He snapped a bit and that instantly shut the tyrannical litany that Dean had. "Y-you did what? Why?" Dean was a little lost but grateful nonetheless because the very thing eating Sam up was gone but he still didn't understand why Loki did it in the first place, what was his angle in all of this? There are so many questions and he's getting frustrated because every turn ends up as a dead end and what he needs is an answer, not another damn riddle.

"Listen here, Dean Winchester. You sister, Sam, she's special and not just the special because she's nice and giving but her soul is like a mini-Sun. It's pure and bright along with that she has a mental block that even I can't breach. Do you have any idea how close her soul was dimming faster like a blown candle and why? Here's why... She keeps beating herself up for things she has no control over and when that happens, she takes punches for you and everyone she loves because she thinks she deserves it, do you have any idea why would she do this?" He asked inquisitively at the freckled man while Dean scrutinized a bit and dug deep in his mind for any event or memory...

It hit him.

"Sam... She always blamed herself for our Mom's death and when she hit 22, her... abilities started to manifest that every night she keeps seeing people die, people who she could've saved if only we'd gotten there on time but she knows the motto... _You can't save everybody but you can try to save as many as you can_ and that kid takes it at heart but that's just not it, it's the Yellow-Eyed Fucker... Sam remembers exactly what happened in her nursery and how Yellow-Eyed killed our Mother right in front of her... I don't know whether it's the demon blood or not but Sam has a photographic memory." He said solemnly and Gabriel cursed mentally because people who have Photographic memories usually have advantageous opportunities but in Sam's part.

She lives a Hunter life, a life of death, loss, and suffering.

She lives another day only to relive it mentally.

"Before I cleared the demon blood from her veins, she has this powerful mental block that keeps anything in and even when I cleared the demon blood the block is there kicking, it's a kudo for her against the things you fight because they won't know what she's thinking but you, your Sam's Achilles heel. All those beings have to do is crack your pretty little head like a can of sardine, dear little Samshine is going to spill the beans faster than you can say Hell." Gabriel told him bluntly while Dean looked horrified thinking of the prospect of torture but what amazed the Archangel in hiding that Dean thought of what might happen to his sister's mental well-being.

"It's not like I don't give a damn about myself, I do, it's just Sam... Think about it, Sam remembers _everything_ and she can't forget about it even if she tries." Gabriel watched the older Winchester clenched his teeth and sighed aggravatingly and seeing his eyes darkened meant there was a point in Sam's life where she had to go through something horrific and he took a peek at Dean's mind and sorely regretted it.

Sam was almost raped.

He's seeing what Dean is seeing and feeling, the unadulterated and unconquerable storming rage at seeing the vulnerability, the broken and shamed look that should never befall on someone so... Someone that never deserved such a bitter life but Fate just had to be a _bitch_...

"If you read my mind then you'd know why..." Gabriel nodded while Dean's expression morphed into disgust. "The fucker, after what Sam did for him, she helped him and he screwed it up by obsessing over her and like the polite kid she is, she turned him down nicely but that was a slap to him. Fucker didn't know that no mean _**NO**_ so decided to wreck Sam's reputation by spreading that she's a slut and it took a lot of convincing on Sam's part because I didn't care if I commit murder on the spot but she did..." Gabriel didn't wisely comment because even he was disgusted by the concept of rape and putting Sam and that word together was blasphemy in his book.

He poured a decent amount of Scotch in the mug that was half-filled with coffee and passed it to Dean, who nodded thanks. "Sam, I was so proud of the kid because she held her head up high even when those kids vandalized her locker, writing shit and leaving shit in it, she cleaned it right and moved on with her life because she keeps telling me that it wasn't worth it and to tell you the truth, Sam aspired every kid who was bullied by being better than those immature brats. Those teachers didn't do jack squat because they're riding on green dough but by some God-given miracle, they stopped because Sam proved to them that she wasn't as what the rumor pool claimed her to be." What Dean and Gabriel didn't know was that God really did intervene for Sam's sake because the stress of being a Hunter, student, and bullying was taking a toll on her.

"The fucker was at lost since his plan of ruining Sam's reputation was didn't do jack so he resorted to something much more fucked up but what he didn't expect that Sam has the tendency to turn heads and people notice her when she walks in the room, she was too nice to turn down a friend of hers to go to a party and if anything, she begged me to come with her because she can't stand to do it alone. After a few hours, she texted me that she wanted to go home and I waited by the car and I started to get worried, Sam would usually be out like a bat out of hell..." The smaller man didn't need to read Dean's mind because of the expression on his was evident on his face.

He was angry at himself and the regret was pouring out like a waterfall.

"If I'd only gotten there sooner, he hit Sam when she was alone and dragged her to one of the rooms... If weren't for one of the worried bystanders, Sam was a head-turner and when she was in the arms of the person who called her a slut and unconscious was alarming and it was known in the entire school that I was protective of her and if anything major or minor happened to her, her hellhound of a brother is on his way and trust me, the party was something no one would ever forget. The fucker was almost dead and trust me when I say that the entire student body heard of what he did to the Sweet Angel of Vanderviere Private Academy of South Dakota, the football team had a new punching bag." Gabriel filed the person in his mind for later as well as the others who decided to make Samshine's life hell.

They were both silent, a heavy topic in the morning was a mood dampener but something popped in Gabriel's mind. "Babydoll has a trouble of seeing herself as a pretty girl... I was wondering..." Dean raised a brow at the Pagan God who embodies Mischief and Lies. "How about a shopping day with the credit cards of every person who decided to made her life Hell?" He said with a saccharine smile while Dean mirrored Gabriel's mischievous smile.

"Anything and everything?" He asked while Gabriel snapped his fingers and a pile of platinum, golden and sleek black credit cards appeared.

"Buy something nice for yourself too, Dean-O and on another thought... How do you feel about going to Paris? I heard they have great sales today."

* * *

Shopping.

How the ever bloody hell did she find herself in a clearly expensive Tailoring shop with Gabriel and Dean in Paris... I mean she can see Gabriel doing this for the Hell of it but Dean? " _Oui_ ~ Mademoiselle, such a pretty face, so many styles would fit you!" She had a personal shopper or clerk? The woman with her was enthusiastic as clothes came pouring in and she felt like Barbie, trying everything and her audience was a few of the shop ladies who was commenting things in French but she guessed from the tone, it was positive and when certain... exotic styles came out they were ruled out, she thanked Dean for that.

"What did you do to my brother for him to agree to do shopping of all things?" When she had the chance to ask Gabriel who just smiled. "We just agreed that you need some things to enhance your prettiness, Samshine!" She was a little dubious but knowing Gabriel, he was allergic to straight answers like Dean.

Speaking of her brother.

He came out of the changing room in a clean crisp dark blue almost black possibly navy blue suit with his collar undone and it suited him nicely. Gabriel gave a wolf whistle and a few of the ladies blushed because Dean looked stunning. "Do I look alright?" He asked a bit uncertain and his green eyes were on Sam, she knew had the unconscious habit of using the puppy look especially when he's insecure or uncertain. "Dean, you look... Wow, it suits you." One of the French ladies leaned towards Gabriel and whispered something and they both giggled.

Gabriel had to admit, if these two weren't related they'd make a fetching couple.

"Sam, back to the stall, Mademoiselle Clarisse here picked something special for you." The woman in question sighed and obeyed even if she eyed the green fabric with a hint of suspicion. "Ah, don't worry, Mademoiselle, this dress would bring your eyes out more!" Clarisse said and helped Sam into the dress which seemed alright...

She didn't know how alright seemed lacking.

 _Elegant Emerald Green Off-The-Shoulder Side Split Chiffon Dress_

Gorgeous.

Dean and Gabriel had to admit that seeing Sam in a dress was a great look for her, even the ladies around them agreed. The woman in question already turns head with her presences and with a clothing to match, her magnetic pull was stronger, if only she saw herself in a better light then it'll make the look complete. "You have to add that to the bag," Dean said while Gabriel nodded. "Already ahead of you." He gave a signal to Clarisse that he wanted the dress.

"Dress number two!"

"Seriously, how many dressed do I have to try on?"

"As many as you can, Sammy!"

"Clarisse, was it?" Dean flashed her a good-hearted smile that made the woman blush. " _Oui, monsieur?_ " She asked and Dean whispered softly so Sam couldn't hear what they were talking about. "Can you find something sexy for her? Nothing too flashy but something that suits her." He asked while Clarisse nodded happily. "I have a dress in mind for the kind _Mademoiselle_ , no worries, _Monsieur_." She assured him and disappeared to another section.

In a few minutes, Clarisse came back with a black dress and entered Sam's stall.

 _Long-Sleeve Lace Dave and Johnny Short Prom Dress_

Dean was sure that Sam could be a model if she wanted to.

Another was added to the bag and then next came in the sea of feminine clothing.

 _Cream Trench with Black Denim Jeans, Black Polo, and Sleek Leather Chelsea Boots_

 _Black Off Shoulder Bodycon Dress_

 _Formal Pant Suits for Women Business Suits Formal Office Suits Work Black Blazer Ladies Office Uniform Styles OL Pantsuits_

They even got a few plaid shirts, jeans, boots and a few more... And in the end, they got more than what they needed but the scheming duo wasn't done they dropped Sam off at a Spa... "Oh, you guys have to be joking..." She bemoaned but they waved her off. "Don't worry, Babydoll, you're in good hands so let those professionals do their job." They didn't tell Sam where they were going exactly going so that the woman wouldn't go after them.

"No offense, Loki but Sam isn't the accessory type besides the necklace you gave her." Dean noticed it but didn't comment anything but Gabriel waved him off. "All those clothes need some accessories, Dean-O and as much as I want to agree with you, Samshine is stubborn and tomboyish in nature but that doesn't mean that a deep part of her wants to be pretty and dressed up." He said casually while Dean rolled his eyes. "Fine, Sam has an eye for Dreamcatchers, pentagrams, wings and her birthstone." He relinquished the information while Gabriel flashed him a 100-megawatt smile.

"I'll handle the accessories, there's a weapon store two shops down, go wild, kiddo!" He gave Dean several cards and the Hunter nodded.

When Gabriel entered the shop who looked elegant in its own way on the outside but the inside was different and he knew the owner was something else and very familiar...

" _Bonjour, Monsieur_ , how may I help you?" _An alchemist_. He thought and smiled at the man who shared his smile. "I'm looking for Dreamcatchers jewelry or any jewelry with wing-like designs, pentagrams, and emeralds." He said straight to the point while the man nodded and went to the back room and emerged several minutes later with a few boxes.

A very familiar face.

Eight pieces were picked under intense scrutiny.

"The lucky mademoiselle must be very special that you've picked ones with _add-ons_ , _Monsieur_ Gabriel." The older man said and his eyes twinkled in mirth seeing the celestial being in front of him squirm. "Shush! I don't want anyone to know." He whispered harshly while the man gave a good chuckle. "After all these years, you doubt my own security measures, I value **all** of my customer's privacy." He replied while Gabriel pouted. "You can't really blame me because these are for the woman whose soul is pure and bright like big brother Lucifer before he fell and she is _his_ true vessel, after all, Nicholas." He said solemnly while the old man's eyes widened in surprise.

"It is true then? _Mademoiselle_ Samantha Winchester is Lucifer's vessel?" Gabriel hissed while the old man raised his hands in a surrender position. "How on Father's name did you find out much less travel here?" He asked while Nicholas, as old as he was, was also very cautious of the celestial beings especially one that is in front of him.

"Witches that serve under demons have been congregating all over the world, the Yellow-Eyed demon called Azazel has been announcing that the _Girl Queen of Hell_ will ascend to her throne soon and she will seat by the Morningstar's side and they will shine bright and baptize the lands in fire and those who serve under him will be saved from the purge," Nicholas said in a terrified tone while Gabriel shook his head. "Sam is far from what the bastard is preaching, she is kind and she gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. Azazel wants nothing more than to corrupt her pure soul." Gabriel seethed at the prospect of someone dictating the fate of another being who has the capacity of thought.

"I will bring Sam here and you will tell everything alongside her brother, Dean."

Because it was the right thing to do.

* * *

Mortification.

Sam was speechless when the old man named Nicholas, an alchemist, told her what's going on in the Supernatural rumor pool. "Wait, vessel? Girl Queen of Hell? The Apocalypse?" Dean asked the man while Nicholas explained that Lucifer is still an Archangel and Angels need consent before they occupy a vessel, unlike demons. "You're telling me those Halo wearing cloud sitting and harper playing winged beings exits?" Sam wisely didn't look at Gabriel but if she did, she would've seen the major eye twitch.

"Dean, I think it's wise not to insult them if any of those Lores were right, they could hear you and smite you on the spot." She chastised her brother while he scowled because he did, in fact, know a few Angel Lores. "Monsieur Nicholas, thank you for telling us this because it will help us greatly to be cautious of future manipulations." She said sincerely while she felt faint.

This never happened back before, what is God planning?

The Boy King of Hell is now The Girl Queen of Hell.

Gabriel noticed how terrified the younger Winchester looked and frankly, she was ready to faint so he appeared beside her while Dean was ready to catch her if she did in fact faint. "Sam, you are not what Azazel claims you to be because unlike what that demon says, you would save lives then let them burn." He tried to soothe her while Dean nodded. "Remember Sammy, this fucker is twisted and delusional, look what he did to you, to our family. Imagine that he's been doing it for years now, we have to do what we do best." He said while Sam looked at brother and collected her thoughts and nodded.

"We gank him because if he bleeds then he can die."

Nicholas is fascinated.

The very woman who was told that the very demon who murdered her Mother was telling every witch that she is the Queen of Hell, the woman was ready to faint but pulled herself together when her brother reeled her back in, he can feel that these two are a force to reckon with.

But something that Dean said struck a chord in her.

Azazel has been doing this for years now and there are probably hundreds of his Special Children by now and if her hypothesis is correct, those kids hate him for forcing them into a life they never wanted, to be wrenched away from their own families and to be infected with something they never wished or consented to...

"Then we need information about Angels because we already have sufficient information for the Demons." She said while Dean raised a brow. "Sufficient?" He echoed while she rolled his eyes at his skepticism. "We know how to send them back to Hell and trap them but do we have a way of actually killing them?" She asked while Dean was stumped.

"If I may, _Mademoiselle_ Samantha?" Nicholas asked and the woman looked at the old man before them. "I know a Weapon Smith, a friend of mine who specializes in killing demons but he lives in Kyoto, Japan in seclusion, up in the mountain tops and you'll know it's him, that man loves monkeys." He said as he scrunched up his nose in disgust. "Just Sam would be fine, sir and thank you for the information, we don't know how to thank you enough." She said kindly while Nicholas merely patted her head in a grandfather like fashion.

"Non-sense! A true gentleman always treats a woman like a lady, you can ask this _garnement_ before I met him, _Oui~_ , his manners could make a saint weep at how atrocious it was." Nicholas waved when Gabriel squawked indignantly. "I am not a brat and I was the definition of an angel, old coot." He shot back while Sam giggled because she knew that it was a pun intended.

"That's a beautiful piece you have here, _Mademoiselle_ , if I may?" Nicholas saw the golden necklace around her neck then shot Gabriel a knowing look then laughed seeing the reddening face of the Archangel. "Quite the protective sigils but as diamonds are pretty they represent in the Greek culture that diamonds were tears of the gods; the Romans believed they were splinters of fallen stars and that they brought courage and bravery during battle but today, diamonds are used to symbolize **eternity** and **love** , being often seen adorning engagement rings." It took Sam to process it and blushed while Dean scowled at the Pagan God.

"Do you have any idea on how to ward off Pagan Gods from courting my sister?"

"Dean!"

Nicholas gave a hearty laugh seeing how the older brother stood over his sister and looked at the Pagan God with the typical _Stay-Away-From-My-Sister_ and it gave Nicholas a sense of nostalgia then something hit him, there was a certain piece locked in his vault, a certain set that picks its owner.

"Excuse me for a bit." He bowed to his guests and disappeared to the back room, there was a secret passageway that led to his workshop and within his workshop was various vials and chemicals as well as herbs that lay in a disorderly fashion but that was bypassed because Nicholas headed towards the vault sealed with various protective sigils lies one of his greatest creations from the famed Philosopher's Stone and the rumored Morningstar.

 _Morningstar_

The Morningstar is a very sentient piece that was made from the very blood of Lucifer himself and when Michael pierced the side of Lucifer with his blade, blood poured on the ground and the stones turned into majestic rubies that enticed one's greediness, the very stone itself was cursed to those who have a black heart and soul, they will be damned to the Pits of Hell because only a person deemed worthy will be able to wear it.

Nicholas had heard that the previous owners of the pieces had met with a terrible demise, they have succumbed to greed and arrogance.

He was fortunate enough that the previous owner sold it to him without a second thought because the beautiful piece has killed off three of his customers and his business was crumbling ever since he acquired the piece and when Nicholas took it off his hands, the owner thanked him and told him to never show the piece to him.

When Nicholas opened the black velvet case it was placed in, he felt the pulse of power and rather than succumb to its greedy curse, he placed the various seals and locked it away.

It just an irony that the state of the jewel piece was the same as it's Master.

He took a great risk and opened it. "I am not selling you nor am I giving you away to a person who knows not of your origin but a person who is said to be your vessel." Nicholas gasped as he felt the pieces of the jewelry illuminated the room with such brightness it that it felt like, it was celebrating and he quickly closed it and walked hastily back to his guests.

"Whoa there, Gramps, where's the fire?" Dean asked but Nicholas waved it off. " _Mademoiselle_ , please sit." He urged Sam to sit on the antique chair facing a full body mirror. "What is this-?" Sam was cut off and the other males were quiet when Nicholas opened the black velvet box that had sigils etched on it, it sent alarm bells in Gabriel's mind but before could do anything.

Nicholas has already placed the necklace around Sam's neck.

The beautiful floral-like Ruby dropped necklace glowed in immense pride as it was placed around her neck. "It's very beautiful..." Sam said in awe and as she gently caressed the jewel, it grew warm to the touch and something inside her felt happy. A piece of her rejoiced...

"Here are the earrings to match, _Mademoiselle_." And when Sam put it on even Gabriel had to admit that Sam was glowing, Dean saw the glazed expression on Sam's face as if she was remembering something happy but he knows Sam, she isn't the fancy jewelry wearing kind.

"This jewelry set has an interesting story, would you like to know?" Needless to say, Sam, Gabriel, and Dean were shocked but the older brother wanted to remove the necklace that was placed Sam and throw it as far as possible. "You said that the piece entices greed and all other negative emotions but I don't feel any of those, it's the exact opposite, I feel like... I'm happy." Gabriel and Nicholas shared a look.

"Could it be because you are Lucifer's true vessel?" Nicholas asked while Sam tried to remove the necklace but somehow the clasped was sealed. "Can anyone try and remove it?" She asked while Nicholas tried, he felt his hand got burned and when Dean tried, he fell into the same treatment. "This is a tough bastard, ain't he?" Gabriel added a few of Grace into his hands and released the clasped and the earrings.

"Thanks, Loki." She said while the Trickster God flashed her his good old smirk and put the necklace into the box.

"I can't let that piece stay with me now that it has already claimed an owner," Nicholas said solemnly while Dean scowled. "Can't you just put it back where it came from?" He asked a bit rudely because not only was he afraid for Sam but for whatever reaction their Dad might have that the Devil is still an Archangel and his number one meatsuit is Sam and this shiny set of rubies is a part of the Devil. "What do you mean that this piece can't stay with you anymore, Nicholas?" She asked him curiously and eyed the black box which hid the piece that sang when it was placed on her neck and ears.

"The piece is sentient, it punishes those with a black heart and soul. The damned is cursed while those of pure heart and soul are given blessings, the piece brings out the inner light or darkness of a person. It would be imprudent to keep something that already has an owner, _Mademoiselle_ Samantha, this piece is _considered_ cursed for it has the Devil's blood but I beg to differ, The Devil or Lucifer is considered The Lightbringer and shines brightly as he is considered Heaven's Brightest Star. " Sam mused a bit making Dean a bit perplexed and Gabriel, a bit impassive.

"That he brings out the good or bad inside a person, a being that was once the favored son now punishes those who brought it upon themselves and this is an instrument of both blessing and curse." Nicholas smiled and handed her the box. "You are a good woman, _Mademoiselle_ , good and bad things will happen but I know you'll pull through and besides... Anyone with a brother like yours is blessed, everyone needs someone to ground them, _Monsieur_ Dean is good for you as you are good for him."

Before they left the shop in an enlightened spirit, Gabriel told Nicholas that he still going to get those eight pieces while Nicholas waved it off. "I have met women who brought good and bad when that necklace was placed on their necks and _Mademoiselle_ Samantha is different, she is special, you will get those eight pieces after I have made it fit for someone like her." He said sincerely and eyed the Winchester siblings who are talking at the other side.

He noticed how the box itself radiated a calmness.

"Are you sure that piece will be good for her?" Gabriel pressed on a bit worried for the woman and a little bit for the people around her. " _Oui_ , Gabriel, fret not. You and I both sense that the piece itself is calm with her and like a loyal dog, it will stay with her and protect her." Nicholas gave a knowing look at the Archangel who sighed, a bit troubled but he couldn't deny that when that necklace was placed on her neck, Sam was radiating just like Lucifer.

"I'm still getting those pieces, old man." He said while the olden Alchemist chuckle. "Of course but before I give them to you, I have to make some adjustments, one befitting for someone who shines like the Morningstar himself." He replied while Gabriel nodded and walked towards the siblings who were in a bit of a debate.

"I'm just saying what if this thing brings more harm than good." The unspoken message was _I'm only looking out for you and I just want the best for you._ Sam shifted the bag to the side and a few of her weight to the side since she was still adjusting to her newly acquired heeled boots. "Dean, I know you're worried and as my brother, I respect your opinion but my own conscience won't let me rest if I know we let a cursed object that is clearly alive in its own way and killing off people even though they might have deserved it and you heard Nicholas, it won't rest until it finds a way back to me even if it means killing innocent lives." She replied while Dean groaned. "Then how are we going to explain to Dad that you somehow got a ruby set that must've cost a fortune and with a history, no less?" He wasn't being rude because the way Dean speaks is just protective.

Sam sighed. "Then I tell him the truth, Dean. I didn't start lying to you because I'm a girl and I'm entitled to secrets, I omit the truth because I want to gather facts before I tell you and before you or Dad go in with your blazing macho bravado. You know me well enough and if I start hiding things as big as this, nothing good comes from it because we'll end up in those stupid chick flick moments you hate so much." She said pointedly that Dean opened and shut his mouth, conflicting emotions raced through his eyes.

"How are you going to tell Dad that your friend is a Pagan God and that we have the identity of the thing that killed Mom and the fact that Heaven and Hell want to start Armageddon and that you're Lucifer's dress to the Prom?"

"Point and Shoot.

"You're a crazy bitch.

"We're all mad here, jerk, better start accepting the fact that crazy things will happen.

Gabriel mused at the siblings, they were truly complementary to each other. One was verbose and would take longer but logical explanation while the other is straight to the point, crude and blunt. "Alright ladies, you're both pretty so let's get a move on." He announced while the two turned at him with their own bitchface. "Where to?" Sam schooled her face and was curious about what he was planning. "I was thinking we pay a visit to this Monkey monk and I started craving sushi." The Winchester siblings deadpanned but for Dean, it was momentarily.

Japan.

Japan = Busty Asian Beauties.

Gabriel smirked at Dean's direction and nodded. "That doesn't sound like a bad idea." Alarm bells were ringing in Sam's head but the two were already outside leaving her with a painful intuition that it concerns with Dean's favorite porn magazine.

It does not bode well.

Before she started walking away. "A moment, _Mademoiselle_?" Nicholas called her and walked back to the old Alchemist who placed an aged box with demon and angel proofing sigils that she raised a brow at it. "You may think of me as a crazy old man when I give this to you but know that I have no heir nor do I have any family that I can trust with this knowledge but I know you will keep this safe." Nicholas opened the box and there was a book that was clearly has seen better days but it was something else.

"Is this?" She asked in wonderment when the information sank into her. " _Oui_ , my notes, and official statements as well as other information. I think this book will help you in your quest." His eyes twinkled knowingly which made her a bit queasy but pushed it back because she held the one and only copy of Nicholas Flannel's journal. "How did you feel about your Harry Potter version?" She asked while laughed heartily. "Shocked but the rest of my reaction is for another time, your companions are looking for you." He said and even though he looked like an elderly, he was strong enough to carry the box with ease.

"I could take that-" "My grandfather would rise from his grave and beat my buttocks red for allowing a pretty lady to carry such a heavy thing." He reasoned while she felt her lips form a gentle smile, she wasn't used to good things because it was still deeply engraved in her to work hard for everything, to work for her keep.

She may be smiling on the outside but she was lost and terrified on the inside.

Sam wasn't used to this at all.

People spoiling her, people giving her things that have more value than her own thrift store things. It was overwhelming and if she didn't get some space soon, she will break down, she doesn't deserve this but it's still happening to her...

"Thank you very much, Nicholas." She hugged him and the grandfather-like Alchemist chuckled. "You're welcome, Mademoiselle Samantha but before you go..."

His silver-blue eyes were piercing her and made her froze.

"It was the Beauty who killed the Beast but it is also Beauty who saved him and gave him redemption."

* * *

Everything seemed surreal.

Two countries in one day and she was pretty sure it was Gabriel's doing on how they're not experiencing any form of exhaustion from traveling because previous experience told her it wasn't quick adaptability or soullessness but Angel mojo or was is Pagan? She frankly did not want to know at the moment. She was going to be honest because the situation is downright odd since it's been exhausting from her morning moment with Gabriel to the shopping in France, she did try to question where they got the money from but she got the weirdest twin-like answer from both of them.

Gabriel and Dean were like two volatile chemicals and when you try to combine them together, they explode but these two? She was counting the creatures she had met before and wondered was there any creature capable of being a shifter with Pagan/Angelic power other than Gabriel himself because this situation is making her feel weirded out.

Okay, time-travel and genderbending are straight out of a fanfiction but Sam can't help but grumble mentally because this is her life now...

It was barmy as Crowley would say.

Where was she now?

In an authentic Sushi shop in Kyoto, Japan with Dean making flirty looks at the waitresses who were giving him the time of day and Gabriel was doing the same, in all honesty, if they wanted to go to Japan and flirt why couldn't they leave her with Nicholas? Asking about his Alchemy discovery is better than being leered at by the locals, some good looking and others just, just no.

Maybe she could pick up a few English-to-Japanese dictionaries or How To Speak Japanese?

Nicholas was fortunate enough to add those into the box since his notes were all in French. "-was thinking we could head to some shops, you up for it?" _More shopping? Christ! I thought the girls in my class are bad._ Sam thought as her expression morphed into a horrified one that Gabriel caught in which he wiggled his finger. "Now now, Babydoll, you can't come to Japan without getting yourself an authentic Kimono of modern and traditional design." _Crap._ She shook her head.

"I have enough clothes already, Loki!" She reasoned while the Archangel in hiding merely smirked at her. "Do you honestly think you can stop it from happening?" He asked while she gave him the bitchface she was known for. "Does a stake to the heart help?" She asked sarcastically while Gabriel's smirk transformed to a Chesire like grin. "You can try but I doubt that'll help." He said in an honest asshole tone that Sam was gratingly familiar with. "No harm in trying and it'll make me feel better." Dean watched in disgusting fascination as the two of them flirted in their twisted way of death threats.

Wait. Flirting?

He was supposed to be verbally denying it or at least showing it but the way they flirted. _If you call death threats flirting._ He thought and glanced back at the other Japanese ladies who was eyeing him in such fascination that he was sure that all his sexcapades for the week would be solved here but as he glanced at Sam and her friend, Loki.

They were lost in their own world, he scoffed mentally, friends they say. He called it unresolved sexual tension a mile away but Sam was a stubborn one and she didn't even venture out to find romance like other girls her age, she was more into books and singing, yes, if Sam thought he didn't know then she was dead wrong, he taught her to play the guitar after all.

Books and music were her hobbies and if she had other more when she went to Standford then he'll find out soon enough but seriously, of all the people that Sam had to attract, a Pagan God... Jesus, he wondered how their Dad and Bobby will react. _'Probably with a shotgun.'_ He thought and while he was thinking loudly, Gabriel didn't bother snarking at the older brother because it did bother him a little.

Attraction?

I mean he knew Sam for a few weeks and their meetings were usually sporadically but each meeting has a lasting impression, she has this pull and for a reason that his Father knows, it's like he knows her and for some reason, he sees her with big brown eyes rather than those green and gold that she was born with.

Stanford Psychology graduate seemed off because his mind was thinking of something else...

 _Law._

She wanted to be a Lawyer. She wanted to be normal.

There were conflicting emotions and images appearing in Gabriel's mind but he pushed it away, he can think about it later. "So how do we find this Monkey monk?" Dean asked breaking whatever staredown those two had because he felt really uncomfortable with the tension and the last thing he needs is other people picking it up and questioning them because he is sure as hell he won't be able to answer it. "Well, we do know that he lives specifically in Kyoto's mountain tops filled with Monkeys, we can just narrow it down to that," Sam said helpfully while Gabriel smirked. "Luckily for us, I have a few contacts who owe me a favor just give me a few to get them so while I get cozy with them, try enjoying the scenery." With that, he was gone.

And the meal was paid for.

"Didn't the prick realize we don't speak a lick of Japanese?" Dean said as they both stood up and Sam shrugged. "He'll find us eventually, Dean."She said very assured while Dean raised a brow. "you sure got a lot of fate in your boyfriend, Sammy." She rolled her eyes at him. "Dean, he's a good friend, not my boyfriend." She replied almost automatically and the older Winchester didn't believe her, it was like she was convincing herself rather than him.

He let it slide for now.

When they exited the restaurant, there was a car waiting for them with a familiar person and Sam realized that she forgot that Gabriel had the ability to be in two places at the same time but Dean doesn't know so he had this jaw-dropping stupid fish out of the water look. "Close your mouth, De." She nudged her brother while he glared at her. "You know something about this."He pointed out while she shook her head. "No, I didn't know but if you connect the dots, Pagan Gods have perks." She said while Dean marched off without her and she let him.

His pride has been wounded.

"Where are off to now, Loki?"

"Somewhere you're gonna love, Samshine."

* * *

She did, in fact, love it.

It was an entire town filled with supernatural creatures of Japanese folklore and she even spotted a few humans, possibly hunters or half-bloods, it was amazing and Dean...

Dean was equally fascinated as she was.

"Where are we?" She asked in awe while Loki looped an arm around her waist. "Welcome to Yokai Town but don't be fooled by its name! This is the Las Vegas of Japan's supernatural community, you got your Gods and Goddesses that want to mix and mingle, demi-gods, humans with special bloodlines and your favorite, Hunters but the Hunters here are different, can you guess what difference you guys have?" Loki said happily as they passed by various creatures who looked at them with varying degrees of stare.

"The Hunters here mix and mingle, I take it?" Dean asked dryly while Loki gave a nice 'HA' and nodded. "Some of these Hunters are Halfies, they take mingling into a whole new level, Dean-O!" Sam ignored the heat of the arm wrapped around her waist and even if it's just a clone, it was still giving her that weird drop feeling and the way Dean was giving her that stare wasn't helping.

God above, what did she do to deserve this?

"Here we are~" They arrived an elaboratively designed place which Sam could guess was a shop and she could only groan. "No. please..."

Apparently begging was a futile attempt.

No wonder he had an arm around her waist...

So she couldn't run away.

They were both gorgeous.

One was in white where it reflected the innocence and purity of Sam's soul while the red reflected the burning magnetic personality that she had even Dean agreed with him. "We'll get it both," Gabriel said finality as he let his gaze set on Sam as she was wearing the white floral Furisode, it was artfully placed on her. Despite the various vixens laying around trying to tempt him, he ignored them in favor of the beautiful woman in front of him.

Except for Dean, Dean was giving them his award-winning smile and it worked like a charm.

Sam was on a pedestal and Gabriel circled her. "Very beautiful, Babydoll." He said earnestly while she blushed. "It's still very constricting and how I do plan on wearing this back in the US?" She asked a bit hesitant since she didn't want to sound ungrateful and all but she had a point, what was she going to do with a kimono. "Well, there are festivals in Japan that makes one wear a kimono as per tradition." He pointed out while Sam raised a brow at him.

 _'Is he...asking me out?'_ Sam thought and looked into his whiskey shot eyes, it was like how she remembered them, it oozed with confidence and mischief like the Trickster he is, it's brimming with life. She missed his eyes. "Of course, the Hulk comes because it's not like he'll go anywhere without you." Her lips did the dimpled smile that Dean told her would be her own undoing.

 _Attracted? Maybe._

"Thank you for everything, for today and for the previous happenings." She said sincerely and did something that was usually reserved for family and close friends, she pecked him on the cheek. It was an innocent gesture that showed her gratitude but from her brother's perspective, it was a slow burning ember that would soon turn into flames, he prays that Sam wouldn't get burn.

A part of Dean knows that Loki wouldn't do that because of the smile present of the Trickster God's face.

* * *

They didn't find him.

The monk apparently died five years ago but luckily, his apprentice took his place and like Bobby, he helps Hunters in their hunt of the week. "A demon infestation?" The monk named Momoshiro asked in a horrified tone. Thankfully, he speaks English. "Yes, the Hunters in America only know how to exorcise and trap them," Sam replied with a grimace while Dean shared her sentiments, meeting Meg was crucial but fortunately for her, that little fight with Dean had to occur.

Sam had to meet Meg.

But that didn't mean she liked it, she avoided the trap that was meant for their Father but at the risk of several people's lives, she managed to save Daniel Elkins and they have the Colt with them. The vampire pack was avoided but the other happenings would soon happen.

She was running out of time.

"The origins of these blades are unknown but they have been proven great help against killing demons," Momoshiro said as he uncovered the box that Sam noted had it seals even in the inside. She felt something cold washed over her as she saw those blades, specifically, the smallest ones. ' _Ruby's knife?'_ She thought as she gingerly picked up the blade. "Sammy?" Dean saw how Sam looked troubled as she set her eyes on the blade, how clouded her eyes look. "I've seen this blade before..." It took Dean a while to process then he looked at the troubled looking Loki and the calm yet worried Monk.

"How did you see this blade before, Miss? This blade has been sealed for almost a century." He said while Sam put the blade back alongside its brother blades. "I've seen that it was held by a she-demon named Ruby, Ruby is one of Lilith's most loyal supporters." The sharp look that Dean sent her was something she knew she'll be in trouble for. "You have psychic abilities?" Momoshiro asked in awe while Gabriel narrowed his eyes a bit.

How powerful is Sam's precognition ability really is?

"I thought you said that you cleared the demon blood?" Dean asked the Pagan in an accusatory tone while Sam sent a surprised look but it morphed into a dismayed one. "I take it there's a story?" Momoshiro asked the female while she sighed deeply. "You need alcohol for this one."And sake was brought out and everyone took a quick gulp of the first cup before taking another round. "There is a demon named Azazel, we don't know his reason but when an infant is born during the sixth-month that marked his or her birth, he would go into their nursery and give them a few drops of his blood and kill the mother by burning them alive. When the child reaches the age of 22 their powers would manifest others would deny of its existence because it drove them crazy, others would use them for unsavory purposes and there are those like me, we would try to help." Sam said softly while Momoshiro sighed.

"A fate that is truly unfair, to use a child of all things but I don't understand, your brother has stated that you are cleared from the demon blood and yet your abilities remained?" He asked while they both turned to Loki, he shrugged. "My guess is that Babydoll always had psychic abilities, genuine ones from premonitions, empathic, telekinetic and if she trains more the other abilities would most likely manifest." He sent a sorry look at the woman who thought she could escape the fate of her abilities.

What he didn't know was that Sam already knows the bouts of her abilities from past life experience.

After a brief silence. "Hey Sammy, can you see dead people?"

"Dean!"

Momoshiro laughed seeing how the younger sibling hit the back of her brother's head. "What? Can't I crack some Jennifer Lovegood jokes or some Sixth Sense ones?" She scowled at him and while the mood was better than it was before Gabriel wondered how did Sam know about Ruby and Lilith?

How many secrets does she have and does his Father have to do with the mental wall?

"You can take the blades except for the katanas, I take that you two don't have lessons to wield it." The Winchester siblings have sheepish expressions befitting them. Momoshiro shook his head fondly. "If one of you or both of you were to stay with me so I could train you properly then it won't worry my conscious that you poked each other's eyes out or well, one of you." He eyed Dean carefully while Sam mused and Gabriel had a thoughtful look. "If I could train them and if you tested them to see how far they are?" He asked the monk while Momoshiro considered it.

"That would be a timesaver." He replied while he noticed the woman looked at Gabriel with a look akin to thankful. "You're too nice, Loki, are you sure you're not going to tire with us quickly?" She asked while the Pagan God smirked. "With you, of course not. I'm going to teach you how to handle _all_ types of blade, Sam-a-lamb." The innuendo wasn't lost while Momoshiro stayed silent and observed hoe the woman turned red and the brother had a disgusted look on his face.

There was something about her that was unique and he won't ignore the fact that there was something forming between Sam and Loki.

When they were about to leave with several more bags and weapons in tow, demon killing knives strapped in their belts and many thanks were said before they finally left Japan.

* * *

They were back in Richardson, Texas.

And the living room was packed with the number of things, namely clothes, they bought as well as the weapons. "We can't fit these in the Impala," Sam stated the obvious while Dean grunted. "Let's just eat first before we think about anything else." And they got pizza and varying amounts of sweet from Japan and France. "I'll start with the weapons first," Dean said and he took several bags with him, he enjoyed the heavyweight because it was real and this wasn't a dream.

They have something that can kill demons.

Sam watched her brother walked away while she walked towards the familiar path that leads to the bonfire that always seemed lit. "You know that mountain of clothing is the least of my worries." She said out loud and Gabriel handed her a cold beer. "Then what is?" He asked and sat at one of the vacant chairs. "How do I tell my Dad everything?" She asked a little worried while Gabriel didn't honestly know how could he help her with this one, this was a topic that couldn't literally end the damn world.

"I know your Dad loves you, Babydoll and he will do whatever it takes to protect you but you have to know that he can't make decisions for you."

* * *

Waking up the next day seemed like a chore.

They showered, double checked everything and closed the door but before they leave, Gabriel tossed them a key. "Rather than staying in those flea-infested motels, just insert this in any keyhole you'll find yourself here again." One thing he forgot to mention, Gabriel bought the house and gave them the room so they could store whatever things they needed.

It was a relief.

With fresh supplies and new weapons they were off.

"How are you going to explain this to Dad, Sammy?"

How indeed...


	10. Chapter 10

_I'm not the face with secrets,_ _Too scared to read your mind._ _'Cause when your life's on the table,_  
 _Then there's not much left to hide,_  
 _Begging for contagion,_  
 _These hospitals won't save us._  
 _And when these toxins leave us,_  
 _It's sad when we'll be bleachless._

 _'Cause all you have to say is that it's gonna get better,_  
 _It's gonna get better,_  
 _But it never does._  
 _And all you have to say is that it's gonna get better,_  
 _It's gonna get better,_  
 _But it never does._  
 _It never does._  
 _It never does._

 _ **\- Bleachless by Elizabeth Grace**_

* * *

 _ **Something Wicked...**_

* * *

Dad sent them on a hunt in Wisconsin.

Sam didn't say anything as they drove in silence, it was a sore topic even for Dean because even she could recall what happened to her, her almost death at a young age. Bobby was out on a hunt and he couldn't watch over Sam so the Winchester men had to bring her along but she thought she would be okay but she underestimated the situation and with that small miscalculation, she almost lost her life.

A Shtriga almost killed her.

"Dean... You know I don't hold you accountable for anything that happened." She said softly while she noticed how her brother scowled. "But Dad does, Sam, if I didn't leave... Dad could've ganked that thing." He hissed through his teeth, he was angry, very angry at himself. His selfishness nearly caused Sam her life, he loves both his Dad and Sammy and the thought of losing them was Hell enough. If he arrived a second late, Sam wouldn't have been seating there and her death would be on his conscious for years to come.

"You told me and you keep telling me that I have no control over the things that happened, Dean. Now I'm telling you the same thing, you didn't know it would happen and I don't hold any bad feelings, you were just a kid that was bored out of his mind and you know if I was in your place then I might've done something similar." She laid her head on his shoulder as he drove while Dean looked at the rearview mirror to see his sister's forgiving eyes.

How can someone this forgiving be the Devil's vessel?

Sam was kind, too kind and too trusting but despite those double-edged aspects. she would always make the situation better. It makes him angrier at himself, he almost got her killed several times but one of his biggest regrets was when he pulled her back into this life, a life that promised nothing except for untimely deaths and severed bonds. He pulled her back and she was too nice to say something about this...

He wondered how times Sam had a breakdown from the stress, the nightmares? How does she manage it because he is sure as hell can't manage his own demons?

"Keeping it in never helps, Dean and I'm not saying this because of the chick flick things you love to comment on but as a human being. You have people who love and care about you, don't shut us out because it won't help you in a long run, brother." She said and her words sounded as if she'd seen it happened and he glanced at her only to see those vivid green hues shadowed. Sam felt like a hypocrite, who was she to tell him that keeping it in doesn't help when she does the same exact thing.

 _"Sam... my heart breaks for you. The weight on your shoulders: what you've done, what you still have to do, it is more than anyone could bear. If there was some other way... but there isn't. I will never lie to you, I will never trick you but you will say yes to me."_

Lucifer.

He was haunting her.

Taunting her with the memories, with _his_ memories of their time in the Cage, in Hell and essentially, of him. He was the second oldest of the bunch but he had a bigger Daddy issue than everyone on Earth, he thought every human is nothing but flawed and should burn from the paradise his Father made, he promised that he will spare her life except that everyone else will die. She should she be angry, right? Livid? Or hold at least contempt for the being who made her past life so hellish, pun not intended.

This is a new kind of torture for her.

 _"I was a son. A brother, like you. A younger brother. And I had an older brother who I loved. Idolized, in fact. And one day, I went to him and I begged him to stand with me, and Michael... Michael turned on me. Called me a freak. A monster. And then he beat me down. All because I was different. Because I had a mind of my own. Tell me something Sam, any of this sound familiar?"_

It was achingly familiar.

She knew that feeling, she tried so damn hard to let both see that blind obedience and a life driven by revenge would just severe them. It caused her enough triggering moments that... that she reverted back to that bad habit, the razor was still in her pocket as a reminder of her bad habit, she knows that she couldn't escape it anymore, the horrible truth of being a masochist.

Those words, those touches...

The emotions, the trauma, and the torture.

Lucifer.

 _How can I give you redemption?_ She thought forlornly as her thoughts drifted to the black velvet case hidden deep within her bag, the piece of him that she wanted to throw away and never see but she was at lost, she was very lost, he was basically a part of her and to deny him that was rightfully his was catastrophic but seeing and living his intentions were traumatizing.

She wanted him and at the same time, she wanted nothing more do to with him.

Sam knows she screwed things up when Gabriel came into the mix, what was she gonna do?

* * *

He could see everything.

From the Home, he was banished from and Hell, a place made for damned souls. Lucifer may live in this prison that barely contained him but this prison was basically made for him, a free bird that was now caged and he was taunted, he could see his Father's creations and how it was slowly being destroyed by the very things his Father loved, it was disgusting.

He could see them, hear them but he can't touch or feel it.

This was the absolute Hell for someone like him.

The green pastures turned into ash and covered in concrete, holy hypocrites who abuse their power and sully his Father's name and his family, brothers, and sisters stuck in blind obedience like his dear older brother, a sneer formed on his face. All he wanted was nothing more than to open their eyes to the ugly truth and he gets called out like a petulant child and they call him ungrateful. He shifted the image of the cage into something else, more importantly, on someone who Azazel frequently reported on.

His vessel, his _true_ vessel, Sam.

Lucifer took his time in studying the profile of his vessel, she was perfect and it may be a bit of a biased opinion but the gentle nature she has to her deadly skills were similar to him. Beautiful yet dangerous but what caught his attention was her eyes, it radiated power and they said the eyes were the window of the soul and that is true, her bright green eyes coupled with golden specs were an indication that her soul was bright and pure.

And they call her the abomination. _Pah_

He shook his head at the foolishness, the prejudice that his brothers and sisters show were baseless because it was only word from the mouth declared by Michael, it was disappointing, he still chases the approval of their Father rather than think of the greater good. Then there was himself, the being who called out his Father for creating something destructive but who was he fooling?

He can't say humans are disgusting without labeling his vessel the same, a mud monkey.

She was sitting on the hood of the vehicle they always used, her head was tilted upward and eyes lost in thoughts he wished he could dive into, they were helping a group of teenagers who had a flat tire, well her brother was the one helping them. "Dude, nothing offensive but your sister's hot." Lucifer shared Dean's scowl as he looked at the dirty blonde haired male. "And my sister is off limits." He noticed how Sam snapped out of her thoughts, he was fascinated with her eyes, it reflected life and light.

"So, Sam, right?" One of the girls asked Sam, who gave her a polite smile. "Yeah?" The three girls in the group were talking to her about seamless things that even she thought was pointless but she was far too polite to turn them down. "So, no boyfriend or anything?" The brunette asked the female Hunter while she had a rueful smile. "Sadly no, I have a hellhound for a brother, he scares them with his face and a shotgun." Lucifer saw how a few of the males paled considerably and smirked.

With the tire fixed in no time, the teens were off and the Winchester siblings headed to their location. "Sam... what's bothering you?" Lucifer indulged the moment, Dean was every bit of Michal as he imagined, he loathes and missed it. "A lot of things bother me, Dean and I don't know where to start." She replied in a clipped tone. Lucifer could take a hint that she was stressed and troubled but why?

What could possibly stress her out?

"Then start with something, your Ms. Psychology after all." He replied while Sam scowled. "Let's start with the demon blood that was in my veins, then the Yellow-Eyed Demon named Azazel who apparently has plans for me and oh, the Apocalypse and Lucifer. Satisfied?"

Oh... _Oh_ , wait... How did she even find out?

Lucifer narrowed his eyes and the energy crackled around him, someone told Sam thus his plans would be ruined in no time flat and Heaven would, well, he already knew that Michael is a good little soldier boy so he'd most likely manipulate the events just like he would.

"I don't want the world to end, Dean, I don't want to be Lucifer's dress to the prom and I don't want to fight. Heaven or Hell, why do they want the Apocalypse of all things to happen, my mind can't comprehend it." She said despondently and Lucifer wished he could connect with her, to know what emotions are running in that mind of hers.

 _"I don't want to fight my own brother as well, Sam."_ He said hoarsely because Lucifer knows no one could hear him and it was agonizing, he wanted to be heard, to interact and by his Father's name, he just wants to talk to someone else other than himself!

"Then what are our options? Praying won't do us good because that's gonna clue the angel squad, demons aren't an option either. Basically, Sam, we don't have any good ones and you still haven't figured out how to say everything to Dad, the demon blood cleared from you to the Azazel and the damn Apocalypse." Sam hissed out in aggravation. "I'm sorry, Dean but when someone told me I was going to be part of this rodeo they completely missed the fact that they haven't told me and you're not in a better position too, you know." The car abruptly stopped and Dean glared at his sister.

Lucifer could feel the heat and the tension even if he wasn't there.

"What is that suppose to mean?" He growled out while Sam narrowed her eyes at him, daring him to do something irrational. "Think about it, Dean. Who was the one that cast Lucifer out of Heaven?" She asked in a cold tone while Dean felt something cold washed over him. "Michael." He didn't want to even think about the possibility or possibilities of what Sam could be implying. "And who was Michael to Lucifer?" She asked again.

 _"A bastard of a brother that wanted nothing more than Father's approval."_

"Sam-" "Answer the question, Dean, who was he to Lucifer?"

"His older brother."

Lucifer could see the pain in Sam's eyes. "His older brother, like you are to me. Do you understand what that could possibly mean?" She asked tiredly as if the problem of the world was suddenly dumped on her. "No, Sam and I don't even want to think about it." He slammed on the gas and they speeded off and they were in a tense silence.

"Dean, you may not like to hear it much less think about it... If I'm Lucifer's vessel then there's no denying you are Michael's vessel."

"Then why does it have to be us of all people?"

"That's a question we can't answer."

Then it vanished.

Lucifer was left with passing thoughts and the prominent one was, of all the things to show him was his vessel and that she knows. "How could she possibly know?" He asked out loud and expected silence but was surprised...

"Sam knows a lot more than that granted the fact she lived through this before." There was someone else in the cage with him, a man in his late thirties, spiky blonde hair and an intense piercing azure gaze that reminded him of his own, was this one of the creations of the cage or was it because of him and his need to talk with someone else?

Or was it his Father's convoluted thought of a joke to torment him?

"Father above, Dean was right about me having major daddy issues and need to blame for someone else." The man mused while Lucifer narrowed his eyes as he observed the new occupant. "Did Father create you to torment me or is it just my sanity finally starting to crack?" He asked with a seething tone while the other occupant raised his hands in mock surrender and shrugged.

"We're all our Father's creation and who I am, simple. I'm you... Well, a different you."

* * *

 **Heavenly Thoughts...**

* * *

 **Starring:** _Chuck Shurley_ _Michael_ _Lucifer_ _Raphael_ _Gabriel_ **_O_** **_O_**

 ** _O_**

 _"Sometimes I wonder why I made my kids so much more good looking and then there's me, their Dad, who looks like your ordinary Joes only that I'm drunk 80% of the time."_

* * *

Kids. Whining and Soberness.

Three things that Chuck has to live with since he was basically forced by his own sons to give up drinking for the millennia and he has to do his job as Chuck Shurley the Writer and the Heavenly Father of all Creations, completely and utterly sober with no ounce of alcohol and endure it.

Crap wrapped in unholy dong.

He told Dean that he couldn't go to where Sam is and Sam... She took it rather. Shittily. It really wasn't in his intention to make her feel that everything is her fault and that she should do it alone, fuck, he didn't want her to be suicidal or intended for any of the bad things to happen to her on a constant basis.

He honestly has nothing against Sam, the fact that she has everything from the knowledge to the weaponry but for some reason, she continues to surprise him by doing thing manually, sure she gets hurts but she endures it but that didn't mean he wanted her to become a masochist! Dean and the rest who knew and loved Sam very well banded together and he was sure as hell that even with his status as God he couldn't stop a raging Mother from threatening him and his balls.

Sam thought she was unloved, undeserving of kindness and goodwill. If she'd only seen the townsfolk with torches lit by holy oil and pitchforks that was ready to gun hoe him at any time of the day!

Heck, even his own sons drove him to the corner while they were tapping their respective Archangel blades on their hips or heads, it was a scene out from The Godfather and he was the poor unfortunate sap that was about to be beaten! He expected Castiel because that angel spent the majority of his time with the Winchester siblings especially around Sam if they were doing research.

But.

The four Archangels? Anna? Joshua? Balthazar? Uriel was neutral but he was respective. If only he'd notice how alluring Sam's aura is then he would've protected that instead of letting it dim, they were impressed by her intelligence, her stubbornness and drive but what lures them to her was her kindness. She lost her life, she was a Blood Junkie, she became Soulless, she was infected by the Leviathans and yet she still managed to stand even if the one trying to put her down was her own brother.

What she did was hard for anyone and he didn't wish for a fate like that to befall on any of his creations.

Sam did something that even brings tears to his own eyes and tear open a hole in his heart.

She managed to forgive.

Forgiveness. Something so easily said with insincerity but when said genuinely, the impact is cataclysmic.

And he was the great Almighty Father, who felt remorse for his own actions and he wished he could take that back but consequences would happen both good and bad. The only thing he could do to help Sam was to send someone to help her but what he didn't expect was the others to do the same thing...

He wondered how it will go?

"I can't believe you let Lucifer deliberately piss himself off while you told me I can't do that to myself." Chuck Shurley a.k.a God sighed as his youngest Archangel son whined, well the Trickster side of him wasn't amused by the missed opportunity of pissing himself off since he was told not to. "This is Lucifer we are talking about, Gabriel, do you really think he would just listen to me?" Chuck said while Gabriel had this thoughtful look and scowled.

"Damn, even Michael and Raphael pissed themselves off." He grumbled while Chuck rolled his eyes. "I didn't realize that Lucifer's subversive attitude was infectious." Chuck drawled while Gabriel howled seeing what Michael was doing. "Did he really just-" "Well damn, Free Will indeed, I hope that Sam would forgive me for this." He said a bit rueful while Gabriel, he let a short sigh and put a hand on his Father's shoulder.

"Didn't Samsquatch say that rather than beating yourself up, just owe it up and make better of yourself or somewhere along the lines?" The Winchesters were rough teachers on his sons but they did the job right, after years of denial and pent-up teenage angst, they did learn their lesson even if they had a few... bumps but lesson learned on all their parts. "I have a question for you, Gabriel?" Chuck asked his youngest who was just lounging on one of the sofas and eating a pack of M&M's idle.

"Of all the human beings or being to fall in love with, why does it have to Sam?" From the corner of Chuck's eye, he saw his youngest choked on the M&M's that he was eating. "Psst, really Dad... I'm not in love with the Moose." Even that sounded like doubt from a mile away. "You know you can't lie to me, right?" Gabriel scowled at that then generally shrugged his shoulders. "To be honest, I don't know... Sam, he or should I say, she, she always put others before herself and when she does try to do something for herself, she gets the short end of the stick. This person was too giving, so unsure and reckless but her nature... It was just appealing and now that she's doing what she's supposed to be doing, it's hard to ignore her now." It was true.

Sam is hard to ignore now.

"How long until all of them will have their memories?"

"Before or somewhere in the middle of the Apocalypse..."

 _Well damn_. They hope that Sam could endure it even if it's only for a while.

* * *

Sleeplessness is a bitch.

Sam knew it all too well from past experience, she left Dean to go back to the safehouse that Gabriel provided. It's one of those days when they couldn't stand to be near each other, the case and how it home and this whole pre-Apocalyptic mess. It was maddening, what was God thinking? Right, he can't help her now.

For some reason lying down on the Impala's hood starring at the star-filled sky was much more relaxing than being inside the space as Dean.

It was painful being able to remember also those fights that ended up in fistfights accompanied with harsh words that couldn't be taken back, each word was painful, scars and bruises can heal but emotional and mental attacks can't be healed with a band-aid. The guitar in her hands was something that Dean bought while they were in Paris, it a was surprised to see it in the back seat of the Impala but seeing a pretty yellow bow and music sheets in the case was enough for to realize that he bought this for them.

Like old times when they were just kids sitting on the front porch of Bobby's house.

He managed to find an old yet working Gibson when he and dad went out on a hunt, he fixed and cleaned it until it looked brand new then on a warm sunny summer afternoon in South Dakota, they sat on the front porch while he taught her a few chords of the song _Carry On My Wayward Son_ by _Kansas_ , Dean actually sings pretty well when he wants to but most of the times he just sings off key to annoy the hell out of her.

She strummed the guitar and let the toneless sound echo in the parking lot.

It gently escalated to a familiar song that speaks about her past life experiences...

 _ **On the first page of our story**_  
 ** _The future seemed so bright_**  
 ** _Then this thing turned out so evil_**  
 ** _I don't know why I'm still surprised_**  
 ** _Even angels have their wicked schemes_**  
 ** _And you take that to new extremes_**  
 ** _But you'll always be my hero_**  
 ** _Even though you've lost your mind_**

 _'Let me tell you the story of my life in a song.'_ She thought bitterly from her early life, the questioning, the unsatisfactory life of being a drifter then when an opportunity arose for her to better herself from the life she had lived only turned out to be the worse mistake she made, she left them in pieces for her own selfishness and the consequence was great, she lost Jesse, the very woman she wanted to marry.

Dad disappeared and Dean came knocking. Her powers manifested, the demon who she thought she could trust only lead her astray, she became the very thing she hunted. They died and went to Heaven only to come back to Earth broken and frail, the very beings who she prayed to had dangerous intentions and they manipulated at every turn for a destiny that none of them wanted.

Dean sold his soul. Dean died. Dean managed to get a taste of an apple pie life.

And she pulled him back and the cycle repeated until there was no more.

Because they died.

 _ **Just gonna stand there and watch me burn**_  
 _ **But that's all right because I like the way it hurts**_  
 _ **Just gonna stand there and hear me cry**_  
 _ **But that's all right because I love the way you lie**_  
 _ **I love the way you lie**_  
 _ **Oh, I love the way you lie**_

Hell. Cage and Lucifer.

They all burned her that she didn't think much of it at first but now that she had time to think about it, the burning sensation was addictive like those sweet lies, every damn lie was sweet as forbidden candy but the sweet taste had a left a bitter aftertaste and every time she remembered it, it burns her in the inside. Was she that foolish to believe in those lies rather than the bitter truth?

Lucifer was the fire of both hatred and desire while Dean, Dean was the person who brought great ease and pain while everyone else is just the ingredients to make the bittersweet dish.

 _ **Now there's gravel in our voices**_  
 _ **Glass**_ _ **is shattered from the fight**_  
 _ **In this tug of war, you'll always win**_  
 _ **Even when I'm right**_  
 _ **'Cause you feed me fables from your head**_  
 _ **With violent words and empty threats**_  
 _ **And it's sick that all these battles**_  
 _ **Are what keeps me satisfied**_

Her voice was starting to leak the emotions of the lyrics.

Every fight they had, every argument left more scars in heart and mind than what both angels and demons had done to them. They were far too prideful to admit their own mistakes or to even say _I'm sorry that I screwed up_ but even if they did apologize to one another there's always a hidden agenda behind that apology, there were more threats thrown at each other than comforting ones and the sick reality of all it was.

They were addicted to it.

She repressed everything, her emotions and her thoughts because Dean always countered her by saying she didn't have the right to make the major decisions when she caused the majority of the world's population to suffer the Apocalypse she ended by jumping in the Cage, that wasn't enough for him, it never was. While she was the ex-blood junkie that made bad decisions.

Dean was the poster boy of deniability and high school dropout with six dollars to his name. Golden boy and favorite son while Heaven adored him despite his rash brutishness in approaching things, he lacked tact and subtlety yet he was blessed while she was labeled as the abomination. She tried all that she could but not even Heaven wanted her, she told herself that she'd rather burn in hell with Lucifer than to feel Heaven's bittersweet paradise for her that awaits her if she was granted access.

She wanted to kill, swift and easy while Dean wanted to spill and relish the moment of every kill.

When they couldn't take it out on each other, they took it out on their prey.

 _ **Just gonna stand there and watch me burn**_  
 _ **But that's all right because I like the way it hurts**_  
 _ **Just gonna stand there and hear me cry**_  
 _ **But that's all right because I love the way you lie**_  
 _ **I love the way you lie**_  
 _ **Oh, I love the way you lie**_

It hurt, it started to hurt so bad.

Every repressed emotion that was kept under lock and key was always triggered by events like this, the fighting and the blaming. It was the damn cycle all over again, they're both burning themselves to the ground, they're both addicted to the familiar heart, the burning awareness that one of them was soon going to erupt, they were sick in the head with that because for all its worth, they liked it.

They savored the feeling like it was some big juicy steak.

While Dean was the sadist, she was the masochist.

 _ **So maybe I'm a masochist**_  
 _ **I try to run but I don't want to ever leave**_  
 _ **Til the walls are goin' up**_  
 _ **In smoke with all our memories**_

Hunting.

It was a life they could leave for a while but it always comes back and haunts them but the moment every Hunter spilled their first Supernatural blood, they know they couldn't get out even if they tried because the only way out is through Death's door.

 _ **This morning, you wake, a sun ray hits your face**_  
 _ **Smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction**_  
 _ **Hush baby, speak softly, tell me how awfully sorry**_  
 _ **That you pushed me into the coffee table last night**_  
 _ **So I can push you off me**_  
 _ **Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me**_  
 _ **Run out the room and I'll follow you like a lost puppy**_  
 _ **Baby, without you, I'm nothing, I'm so lost, hug me**_  
 _ **Then tell me how ugly I am, but that you'll always love me**_  
 _ **Then after that, shove me, in the aftermath of the**_  
 _ **Destructive path that we're on, two psychopaths but we**_  
 _ **Know that no matter how many knives we put in each other's backs**_  
 _ **That we'll have each others backs, 'cause we're that lucky**_  
 _ **Together, we move mountains, let's not make mountains out of molehills,**_  
 _ **You hit me twice, yeah, but who's counting?**_  
 _ **I may have hit you three times, I'm startin' to lose count**_  
 _ **But together, we'll live forever, we found the youth fountain**_  
 _ **Our love is crazy, we're nuts, but I refused counseling**_  
 _ **This house is too huge, if you move out I'll burn all two thousand**_  
 _ **Square feet of it to the ground, ain't shit you can do about it**_  
 _ **With you I'm in my fuckin' mind, without you, I'm out it**_ _This is the story of Sam and Dean Winchester, two brothers who lived a very unhealthy codependent lifestyle, too prideful to say I'm sorry and too stubborn to die and live without one another. May they rest in pieces._ _**Just gonna stand there and watch me burn**_  
 _ **But that's all right because I like the way it hurts**_  
 _ **Just gonna stand there and hear me cry**_  
 _ **But that's all right because I love the way you lie**_  
 _ **I love the way you lie**_  
 _ **I love the way you lie**_  
 _ **I love the way you lie**_  
 _ **I love the way you lie**_

She let the last line lingered a bit and stopped.

She felt something wet on her cheek and wiped it with the back of her hand, it was tears, she was crying again. But the truth was that she never stopped crying in the first place, she held it in because she was afraid, afraid of someone finding out and afraid of losing this second chance. "Why is it that every time I see you, you're always crying, Babydoll?" Gabriel asked solemnly, he was there the moment Dean told him that he and Sam had a fight.

The song that she sang was sung with every fiber of her being, it was just sad. The way each lyric reflected her life and the way she struggled, it was enough to even make him cry and nothing makes him cry unless the event was truly heart wrenching but with Sam, she wears her emotions like it was her everyday plaid, it didn't matter to her if it got hurt, she was too nice, too considerate but one thing no one and can deny was that she's genuine with her words and actions.

"Come down here, Babydoll." He said softly as if he was coaxing a fledging. He noticed her reluctance but waited and when she slid down, she was still glued to the car with the guitar clutched tightly in her hands. He took a few steps forward and sighed, he could damn his height later, Gabriel tucked the loose strands of her hair at the back of her ear. Yes, he was on his tippy toes just so he could reach her, she was a tall woman, sue him.

He thumbed her tears away and she sighed. _Even when she was just crying, she still looks beautiful._ Gabriel thought and pulled his hands back only to be surprised when Sam put her head on his shoulder, her warm breath tickled his neck but luckily he wasn't sensitive there. "Why do I feel like I suddenly have the fate of the world in my hands?" She asked while Gabriel ran a hand through her hair. "You don't have to carry it if you don't want to, Sam, no one is forcing you to carry it." He replied while she took a shuddering sigh. "Then who'll take my place, Loki? Who can bear my cross for me when I can barely stand on my own two feet?" He removed her from his shoulder and had an eye to eye with her.

Golden whiskey shot eyes met bright expressive emerald hues.

"You don't have to do this alone, Sam, you have to let someone in to help you carry that cross."

* * *

He stayed with her.

Even when she told him that she'll be alright, he didn't want to take a snowball chance in hell. He held her close in his arms as she slept soundly and he noticed that when she sleeps the mental block is weaker, enough for him to see what she's thinking but stopped himself. He won't let curiosity get the better of him, he didn't want to betray her trust by going through her mind.

He busied himself by taking notice of her, her long light brown hair fell like curtains and it was soft to the touch and does justice on how it looks. Her lashes were naturally long and curved, she was pressed unto his side and he's drinking in her sleeping sight like a thirsty wolf but he'd rather like her awake and let those expressive green hues grow big and he's not going to deny himself that a woman like Sam gets him going but she was different.

Gabriel felt unsure of what's really happening to him, there was a certain block in his own mind that bothers him and images, he keeps seeing another version of Sam and another version of reality. _Was it Dad? What does he want?_. He thought and sighed, seeing things and emotional assault wasn't good. He was seeing himself as Gabriel, not Loki and dying. It wasn't his memories but he could speculate that it came from another reality, a reality where he died to protect Sam and Dean.

He wondered whether these feelings were even his?

He turned to his side where he saw this beautiful creature sleep soundlessly, it was all tied to her. A person who made bad decisions, a person who beats herself constantly, he was lost on how he could help her when her own brother causes her pain? Speaking of, his golden eyes narrowed with the thought of Dean, he knows that the older Winchester was frustrated with a lot of things but the last thing he'd expect from him was to pull a Michael and blame it on Lucifer shtick.

He brushed her cheek with the lightest touch, skin so soft yet exposed to such a rough life. If he wanted something, he always got it and what did he want with Sam?

What did he want with this person when the feelings he's feeling might not be his own?

He needed a distraction.

Gabriel carefully got out of the warm embrace and snapped a pillow to replace his spot and smiled seeing how Sam snuggled to the pillow, he pulled the blanket to cover her and thought of Sam being alone made him scowl as the feelings were against it so he decided to let his dog, Sir Maxi Spot, a full grown corgi with brown-yellowish and white scheme, watch over the sleeping woman. "Keep an eye on her, Maxi." He ordered and the corgi laid down on the foot of the bed.

Satisfied, he disappeared.

* * *

Dean was uneasy as he left Sam alone.

But a part of his mind told him that Loki was probably there with Sam but he shook the feeling of the doubt so he sat up with the key in his hand, he went to the nearest door and inserted the key, a slight hesitation...

Sam was already in a tough spot and stressing her out wasn't his intention, he loves his sister but the problem was that there are too many questions that need answers and he took it out on Sam, Sam who always let him take the lead, she who always has his back and he just did a dick move, fuck. He turned the knob quietly seeing it as it was late, she was probably asleep.

But a dog barking loudly and loud crashes met his ears.

He rushed to the scene and saw a tiny pooch barking while Sam... Sam! He saw his sister was fighting a cloaked being and struggling. "Sam!" He shouted and was pushed back hard and his vision was slightly blackened but pulled himself together when he saw the bastard was trying to suck the life out of Sam, she was struggling. "D-dean..." And he saw red as he took the shotgun hidden under the bed and aimed at the bastard.

He almost lost Sam once, he wasn't going to lose her permanently.

It took three bullets and the bastard died while Sam was taking in the oxygen she'd missed. "You alright?" He asked while she did a thumbs up and took a shuddering sigh. "Who's the pooch?" He asked noticing the tiny Paris Hilton dog who made his way to Sam and nuzzled her leg. "P-probably Loki's dog." She croaked and he helped her sat up.

They stayed in silence for a while. "Sam-" She just laid her head on his shoulder. "Can we just get some sleep?" He chuckled and carried her to the bed while the dog obediently followed them and peered at Sam who was looking at the pooch and rolled her eyes, she patted the bed and he jumped on it. "Really?" Dean asked while she raised a brow at him. "He's adorable, what do we do about the witch?" She asked, as much as she was glad that it's dead, she wouldn't take a chance in sleeping with a corpse in their room. "You rest while I burn this sonvabitch." He said while Sam was about to protest, Dean gave her a stern look of _Don't Argue With Me_ while she sighed. "Fine..." Dean carried the body out and she, she just cleaned the room as best as she can.

Then she laid down and felt something wiggled in her arms, oh right... She looked at the dog curiously and searched if he had a dog tag or something.

 _Sir Maxi Spot_

The dog tag said while she deadpanned but shrugged it off. "Let's go to sleep then, Maxi."

* * *

Gabriel found himself in bed with his on again and off again lover, Kali.

It was an intense passion that he was addicted to, the woman was sure as hellfire kinky but one thing he didn't like about Kali was the amount of pride and ego that she has that could match Lucifer or outmatch him. "What's on your mind?" Her voice was sultry and could give any man a hard-on by it but fortunately, he wasn't just any man or just a Pagan God.

He's an Archangel for his Father's sake!

"Nothing except your beautiful ass, love." He replied in his usual flirtation gimmick, Kali hummed in approval as she let her hand wander to places that would make any man groan but he knows all of Kali's tricks especially when in bed because when she wants something, she tries hard to get it because she knows she can. "Is there anything you need?" He asked while the dark-haired beauty turned to him with narrowed eyes. "You have been with another woman, Loki." _Not this again._ He thought morosely and losing the last bit of lust in his system. "You know I don't like exclusivity, Kali and I know you've been with countless others especially with Baldur, don't pull the exclusive card on me." He said while the woman settled herself on his lap.

"What does this woman offer you that I can't possibly do?" _How about some humility?_ He simply gave his signature smirk and pulled the woman closer. "She can't, think of her as a plaything, naive and innocent are two of my favorite combinations, Kali and I love my woman with brains, not hearts." It felt bitter when he said that and Kali was pleased with his words but even when he laid with her.

All he could think of is Sam, her humility, her kindness and one-of-a-kind personality. He wanted to do wicked things to the woman who denies herself of pleasure, he imagined what her screams would sound like as he brings her to a cataclysmic orgasm or how dark would her green eyes be if it was shrouded in lust? He imagined it was Sam in his arms and not Kali, it was a cruel thing to do but he'll ignore the fact that Kali is doing the same thing to him.

He wanted Sam but he didn't know what he exactly feels, sex and lust he knows but love?

Father help him.

* * *

The room was a mess.

Gabriel was shocked when he found out that the Shtriga attacked Sam when left, it also filled him regret that he shouldn't have left her in the first place because if Dean didn't arrive in time to save Sam... She would've died because he left to do business and now thinking of what happened a few hours ago made him feel dirty and guilty. "I'm fine, I swear." She was telling the truth, just a few bruises that'll heal in time. "I have this little guy helping after all. " She added and maxi barked happily as he let Sam gave him a belly rub.

He eyed Maxi. "You are such a slut for rubs, Maxi." Dean snorted while the corgi just barked and eyes Sam with those beady eyes of him begging for a cuddle while Sam laughed for a bit, she indulged the little pooch and when she turned around carrying the dog gently, Maxi peered from Sam's shoulder to stare at his Master with a look of satisfaction and a paw tapping saying _Mine_ and for adding insult to injury, he nuzzled the same side where Gabriel laid his head.

Dean will pretend that he didn't see Loki and his dog having a staredown because of Sammy. _'Of all the being on planet Earth, you gotta attract with power-ups.'_ He thought then smirked seeing the blush that dusted his sister's cheeks, he can't say it was one-sided when the guy basically introduced his dog to her, it's like a Dad introducing his kid to his potential new Mom...

But wait, didn't Loki have kids?

"So, where are you guys headed now?" Gabriel asked as he snacked on a Twix bar. "To the next hunt that Sam finds." The said woman with the corgi in her lap smiled knowingly. "I got a call from a friend of mine in Upstate New York, her name is Sarah Blake, apparently her Dad auctioned off a painting called _Provenance_ and the said painting has a lot of dark history since whoever owns the painting dies with slit throats. After the painting was sold to the Telesca couple both of them died in their bed with slit throats inside their state of the art security locked house." Dean and Gabriel were looking at her with varying degrees of impressiveness.

"Wait, Sarah Blake? That chick who kissed you after you ganked the witch who almost killed her, Stanford Days Sarah Blake?" Dean asked while Sam coughed awkwardly and nodded while Gabriel raised a brow then wolf whistle. "You. Innocent little sweet Sammy batting for the same team?" He may be joking in the inside but what Gabriel felt was something akin to jealousy, someone other than him kissed Sam. The burning ugly feeling didn't leave him and it didn't fade away due to an insistent brother's teasing.

"Sammy's a happy Bi, she bats for both teams, ain't that right, Sunshine?" She was red as a tomato but even if she tried to glare at her brother, it only served to amuse him more seeing as she looked like she was pouting than glaring murderously at him. "Come one, Maxi, let's go get breakfast." The dog happily barked and they walked away with Sam trying to gather the rest of herself before embarrasses herself more, she didn't want to give Dean any more ammunition much less Gabriel!

What she didn't notice as she walks out from them was they both had eyes on her ass.

"Impressive"

"I better hope you're referring to Sam's hidden side and not her ass."

"Why can't it be both? You were eyeing her ass too, Dean-O!"

Outside the door, Sam heard a cock of a shotgun and sighed. "They're crazy, aren't they, Maxi?" She asked the pooch who was happily trailing behind her.

* * *

 _ **Provenance...**_

* * *

 **Loki/Gabriel** **Sam & Dean Winchester**

Luckily.

They were in the guest list this time but the look on Sarah's face when she saw Sam was a complete and utter surprise, the last time she saw Sam was two years back and she was wearing plaid and jeans like your average girl with a cute dimpled smile and those puppy dog eyes that could melt anyone's heart but seeing dressed up like a woman on a mission, granted she was on a mission but this was different.

Heck, even her brother was different and their friend wasn't bad on the eyes either.

She wanted to go to them but she had to get the records that Sam asked for and besides, she seems to be busy with her new company.

Sam mused at Gabriel's style because it reminded her of a certain blue-eyed angel, a nostalgic memory turned bittersweet when she was reminded of the fate that had befallen on Castiel, he died for Dean and Dean died for her... The back seat of the Impala, she pushed back the memory and focused on what happens now. _Team Free Will 2.0, A Trickster_ _Who Is Really An Archangel In Hiding, A Supernatural Tolerating Dean and A Time-Travelling Genderbent Ex-Blood Junkie On The Verge of Insanity_. She thought and despite the memory of the past haunting her, she managed to smile.

Gabriel noticed the quirked lips of the female Winchester and raised a brow. "Something amusing, you?" He asked while Sam blinked for a bit then hummed. "Just a thought, Loki." She replied and while she eyed the other paintings, she also took notice of her brother talking to the Upstate elites and chuckled because her brother could charm anyone well except for a certain someone who was obtuse to any form of flirtation.

She and Gabriel were browsing through the various paintings but one particular painting stood out, they both stopped in front of it.

 **The Archangel Gabriel** _Sheila Diemert_

Gabriel wanted to snort.

He'd seen so many of the paintings, sculptures and various other forms of art with him or his brothers, some exaggerated and others were just weird in his general opinion but he'll leave it to those religious fanatics, it's hard to correct them after so many centuries had passed. He was ready to move on and forget but woman beside him had her eyes glued to the piece. "Is it silly of me to say that I still pray to the Archangel Gabriel?" He was surprised at that comment and it was another painful stab of guilt in him, the majority of the world is still praying for an angel that no longer wants to be who he was before.

"Why's that?" He kept his voice in neutral while Sam never took her eyes off the painting. "He's the Archangel of Guidance, Clarity, Deliverance and at times Healing and Mercy. I pray to him because I ask if he could deliver a message to my Mom, to tell her how sorry I am for getting her killed and how I'm taking care of Dean and Dad when they're both recklessly rushing into things and at times, to God... I just want answers for why my life is this way and generally, to him. Asking him if he could watch over my brother and my Father, both of them have scars that run deep and I can't heal them alone." _Especially with what I'm about to do._ She said softly and glanced at her silent companion.

He looked like he had a forlorn expression and he was trying to mask it but was failing.

"Are you always this devout?" He asked while she gave a bittersweet smile. "I'm not a church-going type if that's what you're implying, I... I just want to believe that there is some place out there to go to after this life, a place where there are beings that could watch over the people I care about when they have passed on and beings strong enough to make sure my brother and Father stay there and not go back to the land of the damn." Gabriel gave her a sharp look while she sighed. "Samshine, we already had this talk." He said evenly and tried to get his temper in control, this woman was unnaturally stubborn.

"I had demon blood in my veins since I was an infant even if it was removed from my veins the likelihood of my soul being tainted is there and I'm Lucifer's vessel, do you really think I'd passed those golden gates without scrutiny?" Even she had to cringe at the thought of being back in Heaven, Zachariah ruined that experience for her while Gabriel mentally counted to ten and back. The woman had a squeaky clean bright pure soul and she thinks she's going to hell? He was going to smite Azazel on the spot if he gets the chance.

Because he was also getting a memory, a male Sam and him talking about Heaven and how that self-important jackass of a brother he calls Zachariah ruined it for him.

"We are talking about this later, Sam."

* * *

Talking with Sarah relieved her of some stress.

And she also missed talking to the sass and class woman, she was a sure spitfire that could give any man a run for their money and once upon a time she managed to kiss her but she prefers this casual friendship, she can talk about all those meaningless things that Dean doesn't want to even know. "These are all the records of the painting." She thanked Sarah and smiled. "Thank you, Sarah. We'll manage from here on out." The two of them talked some more and it seemed to relax her further and take some time before her impending talk with Gabriel.

"So..." Sarah dragged as she eyed Sam and the stranger in the trenchcoat. "So?" Sam mimicked out of good humor while Sarah nudged her. "Who's the new member of the exclusive Winchester business?" A waiter passed by them and offered some refreshments they thanked him for it and walked around the auction house. "He's a friend of mine..." She said a bit perturbed at the thought if she accidentally blurted out the fact that he's actually a Pagan God like he introduced himself, so far, Sarah didn't question it.

"Just a friend? Sam, even if I'm not around much to tell what's going on between the two of you the heated looks he's sending to any guy with the intention to talk to you is a red card." Sarah pointed out while Sam raised a brow. "I thought it was Dean, didn't realize Loki was doing it too." Sarah wanted to facepalm.

Honestly, the girl had the most uncanny blindspot.

"Didn't he take you out shopping?" Sarah inquired, she was silently thanking the guy who managed to make Sam sit still and dress the girl up other than her jeans and plaids. "Yeah, France and Japan." She replied softly and a small smile tugged her lips remembering the day that transpired. Sarah noticed that smile, it was like the woman just fell in love for the first time and honestly, she prefers Sam smiling than being aloof. "You got it bad, girl." Sarah pointed out while Sam blushed and shook her head. "No... just no, my life is complicated as it is and adding the unneeded romance would just be unfavorable." She said while the black-haired woman sighed at her friend's stubbornness or in this case, a big dosage of denial.

After they talked a bit, Sarah noticed that Loki took her friend away while Dean was left with her, scowling. "Just because I tolerate the prick doesn't mean I want him to be around my sister, alone." He said while Sarah giggled, it was so like the older brother to protect his little sister. "You know that Sam is a grown woman, right?" She said while Dean rolled his eyes. "Woman or girl, I'm still her older brother." He stated while Sarah sighed exasperatedly. "Even I can tell there's something between them and I know that you've noticed that too." She said carefully while the older Winchester surprised her by sighing.

"I know, it's just that our Dad told me that I have to take care of Sammy and like any older brother who wants the best for their sister, I want her to be happy... I don't want to see her in a relationship that's half-assed and with a guy who doesn't deserve her." Sarah knew that Dean was a tough nut but hearing the older brother's statement made her think he was a cookie with a soft and gooey center.

"Aw."

"This does not reach her ears." Sarah made a zipping motion but when they both saw the two, Loki and Sam, they were both stuck in some sort of awkward tension. "Honestly, they said they're only friends but even I can sense the sexual tension even from here," Dean said with an almost amused tone while Sarah agreed.

"It's still cute, a short guy and tall gal."

* * *

After the talk with Sarah.

Gabriel smiled pleasantly at her friend which gave her a small painful lump in her chest but brushed it off when he looped his arm around her waist and they promptly walked away, outside.

The next thing she knew they were in a garden full of flowers and some of which she knows that grows only in a certain region or country in a specific season. They passed by the flowers and headed towards the gazebo. She opened her mouth to ask something but found it hard to since she didn't have a voice, to begin with, and looked at Gabriel with a surprised and annoyed look.

"Apparently, the last talk with you didn't help at all." He stated while she sighed and sat on the chair that appeared out of thin air, might as well since this will be long and the heels aren't helping her case. "Samantha Evelyn Winchester, how many times does a supernatural being capable of sensing souls and their states have to tell you that you're pure, your soul and generally, you are a pure person." She thankfully didn't have a voice to protest because she was anything but pure, college does that to a person.

She just settled for looking away and gritting her teeth, it's not because she was ungrateful of what he did or that amounting trust he put on her, it was because of past life experiences.

It was her general reaction.

She's a damn Winchester too! Emotional redundancy and trauma stay even when they get help for it, it's permanently ingrained for her since she can thank God for the photographic memory.

Gabriel was seriously questioning himself, the _how's_ and _why's_ of his life and the big question...

Why in his Father's name is he attracted to this stubborn woman?!

She has no trouble in helping someone see their own self-worth but when it comes to her own well-being, it was just talking to a brick wall that he wanted to smash but sadly the brick wall was made by his Dad so it's smite-proof! He wanted to take a peek in her mind just so he can see why he does this to herself?

Just a small peek damn it!

"Sam." It was a tone she was familiar with, it wasn't laced with mischief or mirth but pure unadulterated seriousness that speaks Archangel Gabriel. She turned her head to his direction and yelped in surprise when he was just centimeters away from her face. She tried to back away but she was technically pinned by the sofa and him. She pushed him a bit that indicated he should back off a bit.

Did he listen? No.

He rested his hands on the armrest and his gaze was absolutely smoldering because those normally chill whiskey hues were bright like melted gold. "You're lucky you have a mental block, Sammy girl because if you don't I'd settle for you being pissed at me for invading your mind than letting yourself dive in a dark pool that you can barely swim out of." He whispered in her ear while she was surprised by the mental block, the threat made her raise red card and one thing she didn't think she'd do.

She kneed him in the crotch. _Hard_.

And he howled in pain.

What the... hell

* * *

They were stuck at a standstill.

He returned her voice after he got some ice pack for his little buddy and they didn't speak to each other for a while, Gabriel sat on the chair she had previously occupied, she was sitting on the armrest and biting her lower lip nervously. He was worried yes but having him invade her personal space and threatening to read her mind without consent warranted a kick to the balls and honestly, she thought it wouldn't work but unfortunately for him, it did.

"... I guess I owed that." He started off while she scoffed a bit. "... Loki, you threaten to read my mind, if my brother was anywhere near the vicinity he'd be emptying the shotgun in your face and balls." She said evenly while Gabriel cringed knowing full well that Dean wouldn't hesitate to do so.

A few more minutes passed.

"I'm sorry I kneed you in the crotch." She said and Gabriel chuckled despite the pain in the lower region, he couldn't stay mad at her. "Stop apologizing, I know I can be a grade A douche when no one stops me, I'm the one that supposed to be the one apologizing, Babydoll." He said and when the pain finally subsided the ice pack disappeared and he rested his back against the chair and for good ol' measure, he wrapped an arm around Sam's waist and she landed on his lap.

"You seriously want me to anywhere near your buddy after I just kneed you?" She asked as she twisted around to look at him. They were in an odd position, Gabriel was sitting with both his feet planted on the floor and arms around her wait and her body was facing to the left with her legs were dangling freely while she was facing Gabriel with a questioning look. "You did that out of self-defense and it's even in my book since I was being a douche." He basically buried his head on her shoulder.

 _'Take that, poochie, she's mine again!'_ He smirked knowing that Maxi is going to smell that soon but relished the moment, he never had moments like this with Kali because with that woman it's always burning intense rigorous sex.

Sex, not lovemaking.

As much as he loves Kali when they have their fun time, they both know that a relationship that's only sexually filled is a relationship that's going down South but he crossed the line when he imagined that his partner wasn't the _Indian Goddess of Destruction_ but the kind, compassionate, witty and undeniably sexy woman on his lap.

It was a cruel thing to do to a partner, imagining someone else in their place because you can't have or get the person that you want, he could try to turn up the seduction and get what he wants from Sam but that didn't even feel remotely right. The woman already has self-worth issues and if he did something that vicious so he could figure out what he remotely feels about her, who knows what damage she could do to herself.

He sighed deeply, he knows she wouldn't blame him but she'll blame herself before she'll put the blame on him and he feels like he'd been dumped with spoiled chocolate, he didn't like it at all. "Loki, what's wrong?" Her leather-clad hands touched his cheek and rather than her shoulder, he was faced with those, honest to his Father, unearthly green hues sprinkled with golden specks were going to be his undoing.

He can't cheat an honest man. _Much less, Samantha Evelyn Winchester, Miss Who Wears Her Heart On Her Sleeve._

It was just so expressive, every emotion displayed was something that Kali will never be, he would be considered a fool to let someone like Sam slip through his fingers. "Honestly, Samshine... There's a lot of things wrong with me and you're just here being you making me feel that I've made bad decisions." Sam didn't honestly know how to respond but gasped in surprise when she felt those lips briefly on hers.

"But I know what I want and I'm not letting you go that easily."

* * *

Dilemma.

After their moment, Gabriel snapped them back in the auction house and what seemed like hours for them was only a few minutes by the clock and as much as she wants to be happy and to stop the pounding of her heart, she didn't want this to happen. It was too soon and she can't afford any distractions from anyone, she just can't because one little mistake could cost her _everything_.

Did she want this or need this?

 _'But you liked it even before, you'd wish that he would just kiss you rather than tease you endlessly, right?'_ Her mind was being a traitor and reminding her of the previous life, the life when she held annoyance and contempt for the angel who sacrificed his life for them.

The annoying cocky son of a bitch who ate too many sweets that by just looking at him eating it made his teeth ache, the person who admittedly cared about him and his brother and died by giving him a sweet lingering look before he faded away. And here was a chance that presented itself with a pretty bow, a chance that Samuel Winchester lost but Samantha Winchester gained.

Would she really risk it?

For a love that never happened, would she really allow herself to be happy? She groaned in pain as the situation was giving her a headache and heartache... Why didn't she see this coming?

 _God, you are such an assbutt._

They managed to eliminate the problem with two additional members who kicked some ghostly ass even if it was just one little deranged psychopathic little girl. Rather than staying with Dean and Gabriel, she opted to stay with Sarah in her family penthouse, it wasn't the fact that the kiss bothered her but it was just the emotions... She was comparing and calculating the _what-ifs_ of her life and epically failing, sure she had a lot to say to reject Gabriel but that was in the _past_ , the past that had yet to exist in her new life. "What's eating you, Sam?" Sarah asked as she plopped down on the bean bag near Sam with a bowl of strawberries and three kinds of chocolate dips on a tray and placed it on the carpeted floor.

She contemplated whether she'll tell or not but with her previous experiences with women, they were _relentless_ when trying to pry information.

"It's Loki-""Ha! I knew something was going on!" Sarah cut her off excitedly while Sam had an annoyed expression at first for being cut off but the annoyance morphed into confusion. "What do you mean?" She asked while Sarah just gave her a _'Are You Serious?'_ look while Sam honestly gave her the puppy look of confusion. "Both your brother and I can sense something going on between you, Hell ... _Your brother_ can sense it, Sam, didn't you say that Dean was _emotionally_ _constipated_ when it comes to feelings?" Sarah said while the green-eyed girl bit her thumb and furrowed her brows. "He usually is..." She mumbled a reply while Sarah waved it off. "Tell me what happened between you and Loki, I want details, every single one." And they say demons were scary, they haven't experienced the relentlessness of women when it comes to finding out the truth or details.

"...He..kissed...me..."

The entirety of Upstate could hear a squeal so loud that it originated from the Blake residences.

* * *

She didn't get to sleep very well.

Sam wasn't even remotely prepared when she saw both Dean and Gabriel together, she prayed to God that the Archangel didn't say anything to Dean because it would just mean hell for her, she approached them with tentative steps because Sarah, the vulture, she was right behind her with a smirk that could make a demon cringe. "Wow, you look like crap," Dean said while Sam flipped him off. "" You're not even remotely pleasing to the eyes without moisturizer." She said evenly while Dean scowled at her which was easily brushed off. "Everything good?" Gabriel asked while it took Sam a while to process.

A long while to process that caused Dean to be suspicious and Sarah giggling.

"Peachy..."

The four of them went out breakfast before the Winchester leave to another case but what made Sam queasy was the booth style seats and Sarah wasn't making it any easier for her when she insisted that Dean goes in first and Sarah was facing her since Loki insisted that she goes in first. The _'U'_ shaped booth was cozy and spacious but the fact remains that Gabriel was literally glued to her side and Sarah was just giving her the wiggly brows that she groaned in embarrassment and hid her face in the menu. "Alright, Samantha, what have you two been doing last night?" Dean eyed the two women with a questioning look. "Girl Talk" The way Sarah said it like it was normal made Dean guffawed at the fact that his sister, bookworm, and logic ruling extraordinaire would do something ... He hasn't seen.

God.

"Seriously, Sammy?" The said woman ignored them happily hiding her flushed face behind the menu but the nudge on her right, a glance and she cursed mentally. She has a mental block but Sarah doesn't so that means that the God beside her knows _exactly_ what happened during the night. "You could've just talked to me, Babydoll." The amused tone in his voice made her shrink and Dean remained happily clueless. Thankfully, the waiter came and took their order but when her food came, there was something else on it that made her raise a brow.

"Excuse me but I didn't order this." She stated politely seeing the bowl of strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries with a whip cream top and chocolate syrup and a single white rose. The rest of her companion looked interested and one mildly irritated, it didn't take a genius to guess. "It came from the gentleman over there, Miss." The waiter happily replied, he probably got a good tip for that one.

"Oh damn... Sam, remember that guy who I told you about, Blaise Bass?" _Oh damn_. Stanford Days are catching up to her fast. "I didn't see him for three years, what happened?" The two men were oblivious but let the women do their thing. "Drugs, Public Property Damages, Sexual Assault and Sexual Harassment. Like he was possessed, his life turned a 180 degree by stopping it and now he's the bad boy of the Upstate Elite and what he wants, he gets." Sarah said while Sam looked up from Sarah to see those silver-blue eyes stare back at her.

"It may be a possibility that he is possessed but don't rule out the possibility he may be human that did those blue moon transformation." She said while the black haired woman puffed. "Done? Great. Now tell." Dean said while Sam lightly nudges him with her leg. "Rich spoiled brat that I met during my Freshmen Year, the same year I met Sarah when we have this _Meet-Ups_. Blaise was this party animal who likes getting shitfaced drunk, stoned or high and hedonistic acts that'll shame the Greeks. I blame Brady and Lory for dragging me to a party." She said with a wave of her hand then sat back remembering the first meeting.

The half-naked crowd, ear-splitting music and people who lost all of their inhibition for logical thinking...

"I wish I could forget some of those parties," Sam uttered while Dean cocked a brow. "Some?" He parroted while Sarah snorted. "I heard from Jess that one party was raided, is that true?" The scowl that Sam had was an indication that they needed. "It was sickening, they'd use a party as a disguise to distribute drugs to the customers... That one party that was raided was my first introduction to Blaise and the second one was when I hauled his beaten ass off the road and dropped him off at **Health Services** and since then he'd be this unexpected bomb that drops in every now and then." She said a bit troubled while Gabriel took her unoccupied hand and gave a comforting squeeze.

She squeezed back.

"Want me to threaten him?" Dean asked with a serious expression while Sam smiled endearingly at him. "It's not worth it, Dean. We're dropping off the grid anyway." She eyed the dessert, it was such a waste if it was untouched. "Anyone want one?" She'll just indulge with the people she cares about.

* * *

After breakfast, Dean and Sarah went off to God knows where since dear big brother wasn't satisfied with the information given and rather than pester her, he'd pester the woman who wasn't immune to the Dean Winchester charm. "So..." Gabriel started while he eyed the tall woman who was looking straight ahead, she inclined her head to the side to indicate that she was listening to him. "Are we talking about with what happened or not?" He asked while Sam slowed down and halted to a stop when they reached an empty park bench. "Normally, it's the girl that asks." She said as she sat down while Loki remained standing, looking at her with those eyes that haunted her.

"Let's not be a sexist here, Samshine. I'm not a patient guy nor am I the sharing kind." He said with his ever-present smirk that faltered a bit seeing Sam sighed. "Loki... With my kind of life, there are times I'd be doing things that normally cause a question in one's sanity and besides, you're a great guy do you honestly see yourself being monogamous with a mortal woman?" It was a valid point and seeing the emotions that passed through her eyes made him sigh.

"I'd never hurt you, Sam."

"But you might whether it's consciously on unconsciously. What makes me so special from the rest apart from the pure soul you keep telling me?" She was pleading some sort of answer because it hurts her if that's the only reason why he's staying. The Archangel cursed softly and sat next to the woman who is so unsure of herself, so unsure of her own worth. "Because you're one-of-a-kind, I may have been around for a long time but I have never met someone so ready to be a shield and forgive those who strike her down, someone who keeps everyone so close and protected like an Angel who's shielding her charges with her wings." She peered into his eyes, his eyes were sincere that she brushed his cheek.

She felt the warmth and the closely hidden Grace under the skin and she took a chance by tracing a finger to his lips and thumbed it softly. "Calling me an Angel is a bit of a stretch when you're the Angel who caught me when I was falling..." _Literally an Archangel._ Sam said and leaned in a bit with her forehead on his.

"Close your eyes..." _And let be selfish._

It was just perfect.

 _Didn't Judas give a kiss to Jesus when he betrayed him?_

* * *

Her lips were the sweetest thing he added to his list.

It was soft like bubblegum but he wondered what she'd taste like? Gabriel held himself back when their innocent kiss lingered, by his Father's name, he wanted to devour her. Her smile at the end was something he'd want to see every day and with the bloody Apocalypse on its way, he doubted that Sam could smile like that again and that made him scowl.

His Father left them with the _End of the World_ Scripture but he never said they have to go through with it because no one was setting it in motion but if the news in the Angel Radio was right, Michael and Raphael were preparing for it. And those two thousand years of peace was going to end with a big bang.

He didn't want that. He likes Earth a lot and it's people, especially it's people...

They had the capability they never had and that was the capability to make a choice.

* * *

Sam and Dean were on the road when Dean's phone rang...

"Hello?... Dad, where the hell have you been?"

Crap.

It's time to meet up with Dad.


End file.
